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Old 05-10-2017, 01:37 AM
 
1,694 posts, read 792,113 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serenity2388 View Post
My parents live about 8 hours away so they have been flying in to visit me, DH and my 1 year old since she was born. At first it was great since my mom would babysit for months but though I love my parents, it's too much for others. . . . they just can't stay with us anymore bc it's just not working out.

Some people just don't listen. We have a son like that. You tell them again and again in person and nothing ever comes of it. So your talking to your parents and you have and they don't listen? Your husband realizes this, right?


Either your husband steps up now and talks to them. Both of you need to mention this on the phone that with all the stuff they left at your house you're going to have to mail to them. Either that or donate to Goodwill. You don't have room anymore, you started a new hobby (come up with something), or your husband's family needs to come stay (good excuse). Really any excuse. Tell them you'll see them for Thanksgiving and that you're always a phone call away but right now you need time with your own family and want to bond more with them.


I hope they're not the type of parents that come before they call to say they're coming. The only way we got the in-laws to stop that practice was to drive to see them without calling first. We caught them with ironing all over with laundry and the house a wreck. Paid them back big time.


I'll never forget the time they just walked right in our apartment, a few weeks after we married, so glad to see us yet didn't let us know they were coming. We were both sitting down for breakfast and at least that time we had bathrobes on.
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Old 08-18-2018, 03:24 PM
 
2 posts, read 1,059 times
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Up to 5 days is the max for me. Our children live 500 and 3000 miles away. We stay in a guest house with the closest of the three children and under roof with the other two families, but much as I adore them all, if we stay any longer, as I have had to once, I feel as if we're underfoot. After so many hours, everyone deserves a breather-of-a-return to the usual routine. I'm 70 and half a dozen disabilities. My husband is 72 and has none. He enjoys visiting on a more active level than I can, but, at this age, neither of us is long on patience, so it's just as well that we turn in early or take some time to ourselves during our visits. My mother-in-law lives with us. She couldn't be a more pleasant individual, but I have learned from this experience, that adult children should not have to bear the burden of their parents' care, because, even with the best of experiences, it is a burden we need not wish upon our beloved children and grandchildren. Opt for more frequent short rather than longer visits. If travel money is a major consideration, budget monthly savings, hitch a ride with a friend, ride the bus, or get a ride half-way and ask "the kids" to meet you there! Where there's a will, there's a way.
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Old 02-15-2019, 05:57 PM
 
83 posts, read 21,905 times
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The only time we stayed longer than 3 nights was when we evacuated from hurricane Florence. That was about 8 nights. We always bring something homemade to eat and take everyone out to dinner. It’s never easy to have your house and routine disrupted, even by close family. We try to be as self-sufficient as possible.
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Old 02-15-2019, 06:15 PM
 
3,311 posts, read 3,068,024 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serenity2388 View Post
My parents live about 8 hours away so they have been flying in to visit me, DH and my 1 year old since she was born. At first it was great since my mom would babysit for months but though I love my parents, it's too much for others. They're pretty loud and took our house to be their own. They have pretty much overstayed by coming for a week or two every 1-2 months. They don't see anything wrong with it despite me telling them it's the lack of privacy and that it's just not their home. They have brought a lot of stuff here and leave it at our house so our guest room has become theirs but DH can't take it anymore. Having a really difficult time telling them they just can't stay with us anymore bc it's just not working out.

I had to have this discussion with my mom. She would come and stay with us and think nothing of staying for a couple of weeks. She lived an 18 hour drive away. The straw that broke the camel's back was when she was scheduled to come for Christmas one year. She was supposed to arrive on a Saturday and she called me when she was 2 hours away on a Tuesday saying she decided to leave early and didn't call until then.

My husband lost it. He said he was sorry but she was going to need to stay in a hotel. Hardest call I ever had to make but I'm glad I did. That was the only she was going to learn.

Take all their belongings out of the guest room and put them in the garage. Call them or write them and be honest. It's the only way it will stop.
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Old 02-27-2019, 08:24 PM
 
70 posts, read 63,195 times
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I live on a different continent and am excited to go visit my adult children. It's been 2 years.
I was planning to stay a week with each of them but now I'm not so sure I want to go at all.
My son who lives alone, acts like I'm imposing to want to stay there at all. He lives in a very expensive city and I couldn't afford a hotel there for a week. It hurts my feelings to be honest.
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Old 02-28-2019, 02:41 PM
 
83 posts, read 21,905 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by trembler View Post
I live on a different continent and am excited to go visit my adult children. It's been 2 years.
I was planning to stay a week with each of them but now I'm not so sure I want to go at all.
My son who lives alone, acts like I'm imposing to want to stay there at all. He lives in a very expensive city and I couldn't afford a hotel there for a week. It hurts my feelings to be honest.
Iím sorry. That would hurt my feelings too. My one daughter-in-law doesnít want anyone staying in her house so we have to book a motel, but at least itís a lower cost city. The other d-I-l welcomes us. Maybe you can ask him what you can do to have a good visit with him. Good luck.
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Old 02-28-2019, 05:57 PM
 
70 posts, read 63,195 times
Reputation: 139
Thanks. I want to have a good visit. I just feel unwelcome. The airfare alone is close to $2000. My son will get into these deep conversations on how he thinks I should run my life. Last visit, I spent most of it in tears. I don't want to be nagged.
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Old 02-28-2019, 06:09 PM
 
3,121 posts, read 1,376,800 times
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Doesnít that depend on your adult child and spouse? We stayed as long as our son and his wife wanted or needed us to. I stayed nearly two months when she had her first baby, then her mama came for Two months. Some families are more comfortable with longer stays than others and donít feel the need to entertain,but it really is a matter of good communication, and respecting your children/ spouses needs and privacy. During the two months I stayed to help my dil I would take weekends off and travel and stay in a hotel. For holiday visits again it depended on them and we were quite happy with one week or two weeks.
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Old 03-01-2019, 12:23 PM
 
83 posts, read 21,905 times
Reputation: 116
Quote:
Originally Posted by trembler View Post
Thanks. I want to have a good visit. I just feel unwelcome. The airfare alone is close to $2000. My son will get into these deep conversations on how he thinks I should run my life. Last visit, I spent most of it in tears. I don't want to be nagged.
Us too (the nagging). Why do our adult children think we donít know what weíre doing? I guess that could be an entirely different discussion.
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Old Today, 01:46 PM
 
58 posts, read 16,534 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CLfan1977 View Post
Us too (the nagging). Why do our adult children think we don’t know what we’re doing? I guess that could be an entirely different discussion.
Sometimes parents don't know what they are doing....sometimes.

THIRTY PLUS YEARS ago I dragged my mother to the pediatrician so the doctor (she wouldn't listen to me) could "set her straight" on why we no longer prescribe antibiotics "at the drop of a hat" for health reasons.

Not quite the same scenario as being discussed here, but times, expectations, traditions, behavior do change over time. We can only hope manners and polite behavior prevail when discussing and dealing with issues/conflict.
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