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Old 06-19-2016, 01:13 PM
 
2 posts, read 8,912 times
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Here is a question for parents of adult children because when I look over these forums and google this type of question I seem to only find this question/ concern coming from the adult children and not the parent/grandparent. How long do you feel is okay to stay with your married adult child and their family? I see endless posts and websites from adult children who are stressed and unsure of how to deal with these visits from their parents and very few posts from the "grandparents". I feel a week to 10 days for a visit to adult children with families of their own is a sufficient visit. But I see so many who are dealing with visits of weeks or longer and wondering why grandparents would think this is okay? When you were younger and raising a family of your own did your own inlaws come and stay with you for weeks and months at a time? Do you feel offended when your adult children don't want you staying with them for more than a week? Do you feel like you are entitled to stay longer or that is is your adult child's duty to let you stay with them whenever you want to visit?
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Old 06-19-2016, 01:55 PM
 
Location: The sleepy part of New York City
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Welcome to CD...

Interesting first post. Why do you want to know? How long do you stay at your adult childrens homes and are they complaining about it?

Mine live within 15 mins of me so I doubt very much that mine will ever invite me to stay overnight.
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Old 06-19-2016, 03:00 PM
 
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no more than 3 days to a week max is more than enough, or stay at a hotel.
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Old 06-19-2016, 03:03 PM
 
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Just trying to be a good houseguest and want a good relationship with my son's and their wives. I have never stayed more than 10 days so thankfully I have never had issues. At least that they have told me. I guess I was surprised to see so many internet searches that are coming from adult kids in regards to their parents/inlaws overstaying their welcome. And so little input coming from "grandparents". It's like a whole generation of people who seem to forget what it's like to be young and married,working....my own inlaws/parents rarely vacationed with us or visited for long stretches when my kids were young. I am a 50's baby. But my parents lived in state. Different times I suppose.
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Old 06-19-2016, 03:22 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
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There are just too many variables in those situations. How far away do you live? How much money do you have? How big is your adult child's place? How do you get along with the family?

I once visited my son, DIL & grandson for a week. I slept on the floor, on an air mattress, with my feet under their dining room table because their apartment was so small (frankly, not cool for a woman in her 60s with severe rheumatoid arthritis). The baby's "room" was literally a closet. After traveling 2,000 miles, paying for an airplane ticket, and losing a week's worth of wages (no vacation time on my job) there was no way in heaven I could afford to stay at a hotel. As it was I had to save up for an entire year just to afford that trip.
I babysat several days (and they did not have to pay their regular sitter) and helped with the chores.

Now that situation is completely different than my friend who flies down to visit her grandchild and stays in a hotel for two or three weeks. She only sees the family after work & school and on the weekends. In addition she makes plenty of meals, does chores and takes them out to dinner several times each week. She usually does this twice a year.

I know someone else who lives about a five hour drive from their grandchildren. They drive their recreational vehicle down there every two months and stay for a few days or a week or ten days. But they often have the grandchildren stay with them in the RV to give the parents a break.

Among my friends, who are grandparents, no one stays more than a few days or a week unless they are staying at a hotel or RV. But, I suppose it would be different if they had to fly to another country or continent or if their adult children had plenty of space.

OTOH, I have heard of grandparents who over-stay their welcome and are constantly underfoot for weeks at a time. Or do not help around the house with chores or child care.

So every situation is different.
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Old 06-20-2016, 07:46 AM
 
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, originally from SF Bay Area
29,749 posts, read 54,373,866 times
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We have never lived that far from our adult children nor from my wife's family. We are about 3+ hours from my parents, and never stay longer than overnight, and that's by our choice. They would welcome having us stay longer, but two days with them is enough for us. I could never handle a week or ten days there. We do take a few days/week vacation sometimes with our kids/grandkids, but only when invited by them. Those are great fun and create wonderful memories.
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Old 06-20-2016, 07:54 AM
 
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For DH and I, our parents live abroad so when they come to visit, they typically stay 2 - 4 weeks and this is pretty standard. However, there are other times that they have come typically at our request and have stayed way longer e.g. when we had our first, DH had just started grad school as planned and i went back to work after 8 weeks ( i took the remaining 4 weeks of my FMLA over the next year) so my mum came and stayed for the first 4 weeks to help with the babies during my maternity leave and then came back 2 months later and stayed ~9 months and my MIL came a week before she left and stayed another ~9 months and DH graduated.

Right now, my mother is staying and she will be here for a total of 3 months and i asked her to come having gone through some stuff recently.

For us, we are pretty open and everything is arranged and agreed upon before they come
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Old 06-20-2016, 08:10 AM
 
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Just as I wouldn't want guests for longer than a weekend or 3 days, I extend the same courtesy to my son and DIL. And, we book a hotel nearby. They live 8 hours (driving) from us.
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Old 06-21-2016, 02:46 PM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,819 posts, read 18,771,405 times
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I always get a hotel and visit for 2-3 days once a year and when I retire I will move down there near them and have them over regularly if they are not busy doing something else ...
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Old 06-21-2016, 04:10 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,833 posts, read 14,341,548 times
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When we see our adult child who lives far enough away that we have to fly, we stay only a few days. We do get visits ourselves though.

When we lived in the Midwest, we flew to PDX twice a year for a number of years. We stayed roughly a week, although once we stayed much longer. But we always stayed in a motel close to where they lived. There were several reasons for this. When we visit another child, we generally only stay for a weekend, but we get visits from them fairly often.
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