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Old 02-19-2008, 07:29 AM
 
1 posts, read 3,309 times
Reputation: 10

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Hi Everyone,

I am in a bind here and need some advice with respect to the Law in Massachusetts.

In a nutshell, I have a 23 year old son that lives with me. He has an absolutely beautiful 18 month old child that I positively adore.

Unfortunately my son has the maturity of your average rock. He goes to a Trade School part time, absolutely refuses to get a job, I pay all his bills, and basically is a bum. Hard to admit, but that is the way it is. (In fact, I borrowed $15K for his school which he said he would pay back. He has now informed me that since his signature is not on the loan...not his problem).

He has the baby on weekends at my house. The rest of the week the baby is with his Mother; they were never married.

Whenever we get into an argument he will yell "If I leave here you won't see your Grandchild!". Nice, isn't it? In any event, I was told recently that
unless he has a permanent established residence of six months (with a separate room for the child) he can be denied visitation himself under Mass law. Also, a PO Box does not constitute a residence.

Does anyone know if there is truth to the above?

The visitation agreement was set up with an Attorney. This was done out of Court and then the Agreement was filed with the Court. At that hearing both parties were asked if they were satisfied with the Agreement and they said they were.

I really need some help here and cannot at this time afford to ask this of an Attorney.

Please help.

Thank you,

Jennifer
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Old 02-19-2008, 08:13 AM
 
100 posts, read 425,279 times
Reputation: 45
Call legal aid, which generally offers free legal aid or call a Law School as they have legal advice groups too - this is too important and too subjective for a general board, IMHO. Good luck.
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Old 02-19-2008, 01:33 PM
 
Location: Manchester, NH
282 posts, read 1,050,970 times
Reputation: 235
You can also call DSS, through the Department of Health and Human Services. Ask to speak to someone in the child welfare division to ask some questions. They also have a website....
Health and Human Services

Good luck.
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Old 02-19-2008, 03:00 PM
 
Location: Cape Cod
1,038 posts, read 3,471,476 times
Reputation: 435
Jenny, there is free legal aid available. There's also a lot of information if you google 'grandparents visitation rights in Massachusetts'. It's a start. Are you on good terms with the child's mother and her parents? That would seem to be your best route. They probably know your situation with your son and may be very willing to allow you visitation. The child's mother may be grateful for all the help she can get. And it would certainly be less expensive than going to court. Then you can kick the deadbeat out.
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Old 05-08-2008, 08:11 AM
 
Location: In the real world!
2,178 posts, read 8,221,161 times
Reputation: 2772
"Whenever we get into an argument he will yell "If I leave here you won't see your Grandchild!". "

I want to comment on that "threat(?)".

Doesen't he realize in order for him to carry out that threat, he has to move out of your house?

My son's first wife use to use that on her mother to get her way and it worked.. My son tried several times to use that on me which was silly because HE was the one calling ME asking me if I wanted the kids for the week end. When he said that to me I always told him "GREAT! I don't have time for them anyway!".. (I know how cold and cruel that sounds but I was determined he would learn not to threaten me like that).. He only said that to me twice.... They do/say what works and gets the reaction they want. If you don't nip that in the bud you are only encouraging that kind of behavior.
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Old 05-22-2008, 08:49 AM
 
7 posts, read 29,595 times
Reputation: 34
I have a 4 month old grandson that I get to see whenever she says so. She lets her family keep him but not the baby daddy or me. She was in the hospital alot and me and my son is the only one that stayed with her. mainly me. Her mother didnt stay not one night. I really stuck by her and she treats me bad.
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Old 05-28-2008, 05:15 PM
LML
 
Location: Wisconsin
7,109 posts, read 7,918,520 times
Reputation: 5152
Jenny, The hardest thing you will ever do is also the most loving thing you will ever do. Break his plate. By that I mean that you begin by providing him NOTHING except a roof over his head. NO spending money. NO car that he hasn't paid for...and paid the insurance for. NO tv or computer in his room unless he has paid for them. NOTHING. Then you tell him that he has 6 months to get a job and get his own place. After that he is on his own. He will "hate" you for awhile. Later on in life he will thank you and tell you that you saved his life. I know whereof I speak.
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Old 05-28-2008, 07:28 PM
 
335 posts, read 931,303 times
Reputation: 140
Quote:
Originally Posted by jennyw5000 View Post
Hi Everyone,

I am in a bind here and need some advice with respect to the Law in Massachusetts.

In a nutshell, I have a 23 year old son that lives with me. He has an absolutely beautiful 18 month old child that I positively adore.

Unfortunately my son has the maturity of your average rock. He goes to a Trade School part time, absolutely refuses to get a job, I pay all his bills, and basically is a bum. Hard to admit, but that is the way it is. (In fact, I borrowed $15K for his school which he said he would pay back. He has now informed me that since his signature is not on the loan...not his problem).

He has the baby on weekends at my house. The rest of the week the baby is with his Mother; they were never married.

Whenever we get into an argument he will yell "If I leave here you won't see your Grandchild!". Nice, isn't it? In any event, I was told recently that
unless he has a permanent established residence of six months (with a separate room for the child) he can be denied visitation himself under Mass law. Also, a PO Box does not constitute a residence.

Does anyone know if there is truth to the above?

The visitation agreement was set up with an Attorney. This was done out of Court and then the Agreement was filed with the Court. At that hearing both parties were asked if they were satisfied with the Agreement and they said they were.

I really need some help here and cannot at this time afford to ask this of an Attorney.

Please help.

Thank you,

Jennifer
Interesting Jennifer.
Well have you looked up the Family law in your state? I would start there.
Also there should be free services in your state regarding a Law facilitator that will not represent you but he can answer your questions and point you in the right direction.
As far as the notice you received? This seems foul to me because if both parties agreed to the living arrangements why are the courts getting involved? It is unclear to me who has sole physical custody and who has been awarded visitation you did not state this in your post? I am guessing because your son has the baby on the weekends he has been awarded standard visitation and mom has sole physical custody? I am not sure why it would state that the baby does not have a permanent residence if your son lives with you and has for some time? Why wasnt the home address listed as permanent residence? Unless you have a mobile home and even then a p.o. box should suffice.
Are you sure that mom was not the one who filed a complaint regarding residence? I would find this out first because CSS and the courts usually leave it up to the parents what is acceptable or not if both parties agree.
As far as your son is concerned? BAH! Empty threats he is not going anywhere he has it too good where he lives, I wiould tell him, "Do what you need to do, I know what I am asking you to do is in your best interest and this benefit the baby as well"
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Old 10-18-2008, 09:09 PM
 
Location: Frostbite, Tennessee
2 posts, read 3,969 times
Reputation: 14
look up the laws in your state. and research them,check to see what grandparent laws are in your state..most states have a grandparent law,,but some courts will not inforce them.
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Old 10-19-2008, 12:55 PM
 
Location: Purcell Trench
168 posts, read 577,241 times
Reputation: 94
Quote:
Originally Posted by LML View Post
Jenny, The hardest thing you will ever do is also the most loving thing you will ever do. Break his plate. By that I mean that you begin by providing him NOTHING except a roof over his head. NO spending money. NO car that he hasn't paid for...and paid the insurance for. NO tv or computer in his room unless he has paid for them. NOTHING. Then you tell him that he has 6 months to get a job and get his own place. After that he is on his own. He will "hate" you for awhile. Later on in life he will thank you and tell you that you saved his life. I know whereof I speak.
I agree, but would take this a bit further:

You are enabling this adult child. It is long passed the time when you should have kicked him out. You should no longer provide even a roof over his head, nor pay his bills, nor feed him, nor sustain him in any manner. The only way he's going to learn self-subsistence is for you (and everyone else) to stop supporting him.
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