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Old 11-08-2016, 03:10 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 30,657,112 times
Reputation: 14582

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My daughter and her husband are FINALLY moving out but they're moving almost 2 hours away . This is a case of getting a little too much of what I wanted. Sigh. I know this is life but I'm gonna miss seeing those babies every day. It's time to let go of my baby and her babies. This would be easier if they were closer and I could at least think we're going to see the grand kids often.


For the first time in our married life it's going to be pretty much just me and dh. Dd#2 still lives with us if you call what she does living with us. Between work and school and her social life we go days without seeing her at all. Dh and I have only had one period of time when it was just us and that was the year before dd#2 was born. We were both working ridiculous hours and I was finishing up my first masters degree. I think we might have to start dating and get to know each other again, lol.


So how do those of you who live too far to visit often from your grand kids do it? I feel kind of selfish right now. They're not MY babies. They're hers. If this is where they want to live then that's where they need to go but man I'm gonna miss those babies.


Ivory

Last edited by Ivorytickler; 11-08-2016 at 03:22 PM..
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Old 11-08-2016, 05:11 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,899 posts, read 17,209,728 times
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Two hours is really not that far away. It is a fairly easy drive for spending a few hours together on a Saturday afternoon or for family events or when they are older driving to see them in a special evening or weekend school event.

My grandchildren are 2,000 miles away and we usually Skype once a week for an hour. I often read stories or sing to my grandchildren over Skype. My son also sends me videos of their antics. We see each other in person once or twice a year.

I know some grandparents who Skype or FaceTime with far away grandchildren multiple times a week (but usually for a shorter amount of time).

My sister lives about an eight hour drive from her grandchildren and she texts or emails with them everyday for a few minutes and Skypes maybe a couple of times a month. She sees them in person a week or two weeks at a time a couple times a year.

When my children were younger (long before the internet or Skype) they talked to Grandma & Grandpa on the phone about twice a month, sent them a letter or pictures once a month and saw them for one or two weeks twice a year. Even though they lived 1,000 miles away they were still extremely close.

I know it must be sad to see them go, but it will give your daughter and her husband a real chance to be completely independent and to grow and mature as adults and as parents. You must be very proud of them.
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Old 11-09-2016, 07:57 AM
 
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, originally from SF Bay Area
29,539 posts, read 54,095,162 times
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Sorry to hear your story, ours are only 35-45 minutes away (traffic) and we see them every week or two, but more would be better. They have busy lives, both working and taking care of toddlers doesn't leave a lot of time for visiting. I wouldn't want to interfere if they decided to move farther away, for work or any other good reason, but it would definitely be sad. When we retire in 3-4 years we expect to move to a less expensive area, but remain within 90 minutes of the grand kids.
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Old 11-14-2016, 09:25 AM
 
1,168 posts, read 783,007 times
Reputation: 4148
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Two hours is really not that far away. It is a fairly easy drive for spending a few hours together on a Saturday afternoon or for family events or when they are older driving to see them in a special evening or weekend school event.

My grandchildren are 2,000 miles away and we usually Skype once a week for an hour. I often read stories or sing to my grandchildren over Skype. My son also sends me videos of their antics. We see each other in person once or twice a year.

I know some grandparents who Skype or FaceTime with far away grandchildren multiple times a week (but usually for a shorter amount of time).

My sister lives about an eight hour drive from her grandchildren and she texts or emails with them everyday for a few minutes and Skypes maybe a couple of times a month. She sees them in person a week or two weeks at a time a couple times a year.

When my children were younger (long before the internet or Skype) they talked to Grandma & Grandpa on the phone about twice a month, sent them a letter or pictures once a month and saw them for one or two weeks twice a year. Even though they lived 1,000 miles away they were still extremely close.

I know it must be sad to see them go, but it will give your daughter and her husband a real chance to be completely independent and to grow and mature as adults and as parents. You must be very proud of them.
FaceTime and Skype are a wonderful way to stay connected. MY dd and family lives on the east coast and lived in Asia for two years so we never became strangers to our grandchildren.
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Old 11-20-2016, 05:57 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 30,657,112 times
Reputation: 14582
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Two hours is really not that far away. It is a fairly easy drive for spending a few hours together on a Saturday afternoon or for family events or when they are older driving to see them in a special evening or weekend school event.

My grandchildren are 2,000 miles away and we usually Skype once a week for an hour. I often read stories or sing to my grandchildren over Skype. My son also sends me videos of their antics. We see each other in person once or twice a year.

I know some grandparents who Skype or FaceTime with far away grandchildren multiple times a week (but usually for a shorter amount of time).

My sister lives about an eight hour drive from her grandchildren and she texts or emails with them everyday for a few minutes and Skypes maybe a couple of times a month. She sees them in person a week or two weeks at a time a couple times a year.

When my children were younger (long before the internet or Skype) they talked to Grandma & Grandpa on the phone about twice a month, sent them a letter or pictures once a month and saw them for one or two weeks twice a year. Even though they lived 1,000 miles away they were still extremely close.

I know it must be sad to see them go, but it will give your daughter and her husband a real chance to be completely independent and to grow and mature as adults and as parents. You must be very proud of them.

Skype is a great idea. At least they'll know who I am.


2 hours is far when you work and they work. It's pretty much a day trip by the time you drive out, visit for a couple of hours and drive home. I'm a teacher so I spend my weekends grading papers and writing lesson plans. That makes it hard to give up a day.


We are moving closer to where I work which is unfortunately farther from where the kids are moving and that should give me a few hours back per week. Hopefully that's enough to be able to make a trip out there once or twice a month. I don't see them visiting us. For some reason dh and I are chopped liver. We just gave them a free place to stay for 2 years (they were SUPPOSED to clean the house in lieu of rent but that never happened), bailed them out of a bad financial situation and cosigned on their car. Yet his parents are wonderful and we're chit. One thing I hope comes out of this is an appreciation for what we did for them now that they will be paying their own bills. Unfortunately, they're mad at us that we won't "Make a deal" with them to rent/buy the house we're selling. They want us to write a rent to buy option where they pay us less than the monthly payment on the house and can't understand why we won't do it. We offered to rent it to them for our cost but that wasn't good enough so they're mad at us. I swear the more we do for them the worse they treat us.


Thanks. I hadn't thought of Skyping. That's a really good idea.
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Old 11-20-2016, 06:02 PM
 
Location: Whoville....
25,393 posts, read 30,657,112 times
Reputation: 14582
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hemlock140 View Post
Sorry to hear your story, ours are only 35-45 minutes away (traffic) and we see them every week or two, but more would be better. They have busy lives, both working and taking care of toddlers doesn't leave a lot of time for visiting. I wouldn't want to interfere if they decided to move farther away, for work or any other good reason, but it would definitely be sad. When we retire in 3-4 years we expect to move to a less expensive area, but remain within 90 minutes of the grand kids.

That's where I am. I'm sad they're moving so far away but they have to live their lives and I have to let them. While living with dd and dsil has been stressful, seeing the grand babies every day has been wonderful. I got something that most grand parents don't get. Hopefully, we'll be able to visit a couple of times a month and Skype often.


In some ways it's good they're far away. Dd takes advantage of us because she knows I'll do what's best for my grand children. That will be hard for her to do when she's 2 hours away. She really needs to grow up. I know letting them stay here enabled them but it also made sure my grand babies were cared for and in a secure home. I figured I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't WRT kicking them out for being moochers so I decided to do right by the babies. This is dd's first step towards independence. The bright side of being far away is she can't come borrow my washer or beg for a baby sitter. She's going to have to figure out how to manage her own time and money.


Life is funny. When we're raising our own kids we're BUSY BUSY BUSY and then suddenly our babies are gone and there's all this time. Wish me luck I'm trying to learn to play bridge because dh likes to play bridge and he thinks I'm intelligent enough to be a good partner. I guess it's time to work on my marriage. That's what I started with and that seems to be what I'm left with right now. Damn the last 21 years went fast. I swear I blinked and my baby had babies.


We're not quite empty nesters yet as dd#2 is living at home and attending community college. She'll still be around for two more years. Then it will be me, dh and the cat. Dd moving out with the babies is going to be a big adjustment but this is the way life is.


I'm gonna miss the babies but it's long past time for their parents to grow up. Getting a place of their own is HUGE.
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Old 11-21-2016, 04:14 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,899 posts, read 17,209,728 times
Reputation: 40830
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
Skype is a great idea. At least they'll know who I am.
(snip)
I don't see them visiting us. For some reason dh and I are chopped liver. We just gave them a free place to stay for 2 years (they were SUPPOSED to clean the house in lieu of rent but that never happened), bailed them out of a bad financial situation and cosigned on their car. Yet his parents are wonderful and we're chit.

One thing I hope comes out of this is an appreciation for what we did for them now that they will be paying their own bills. Unfortunately, they're mad at us that we won't "Make a deal" with them to rent/buy the house we're selling. They want us to write a rent to buy option where they pay us less than the monthly payment on the house and can't understand why we won't do it. We offered to rent it to them for our cost but that wasn't good enough so they're mad at us. I swear the more we do for them the worse they treat us.


Thanks. I hadn't thought of Skyping. That's a really good idea.
Skype is wonderful.

Regarding buying the house that you have for sale, I am betting that they are hoping that you & DH will just break down and give them the house free and clear so that your grandchildren will always have a home.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post

That's where I am. I'm d they're moving so far away but they have to live their lives and I have to let them. While living with dd and dsil has been stressful, seeing the grand babies every day has been wonderful. I got something that most grand parents don't get. Hopefully, we'll be able to visit a couple of times a month and Skype often.


In some ways it's good they're far away. Dd takes advantage of us because she knows I'll do what's best for my grand children. That will be hard for her to do when she's 2 hours away. She really needs to grow up. I know letting them stay here enabled them but it also made sure my grand babies were cared for and in a secure home. I figured I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't WRT kicking them out for being moochers so I decided to do right by the babies. This is dd's first step towards independence. The bright side of being far away is she can't come borrow my washer or beg for a baby sitter. She's going to have to figure out how to manage her own time and money.
(snip)
Thank you for the updates.

After reading years of your threads about your daughter, it seems like she is so manipulative that I would be really concerned that even living two hours away she will try to continue to manipulate you.

Perhaps, I am wrong but I could picture your daughter doing things like deliberately dressing the kids in old, ill fitting clothes when you Skype with her and saying things like "Mom & Dad, I really wish that we could afford clothes that fit, but we can't" in a sad, sad voice. (blatant hint for you to send money)

Or, you Skype during meal time and she is serving really, really crappy, cheap inappropriate food to the kids "Mom & Dad, I really wish that we could afford good food for our children, but we can't" in a sad, sad voice. (blatant hint for you to send more money)

Or when you visit she will have the overdue electric bill on the table "Mom & Dad, I really wish that we could afford to pay the electric bill but we can't. I am worried that the kids will get hurt if we have to use candles." in a sad, sad voice. (blatant hint for you to pay the bill)

Please watch for things like that.


I strongly suspect that each and every time that you visit it will be something else, the car needs repairs (unsafe for the grandkids so you should pay for it), their rent went up (you need to pay for the increase, otherwise they may have to move to a bad neighborhood that is not safe for the grandkids), or they can't pay for their health insurance (so the grandkids can't go to the doctor) so you should pay for their health insurance each month or they need an extra $400 to pay the overdue day care center bill or the grandkids will be asked to leave, etc. etc. etc.

Or, DD will sneak up to her daddy, and bat her eyes and say "Daddy, can I please have $300 to get my hair done, get new make-up and buy a new outfit so I look really nice for you when you visit next week? I love you SO much and want to look good for you when you visit!" Or something like that.

Just be fore warned. Good luck.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post

I'm gonna miss the babies but it's long past time for their parents to grow up. Getting a place of their own is HUGE.
Yes, getting their own place IS huge.

Actually, I was a little surprised to read that they had two children since I thought that their oldest child was only a year or so old (barely time to get pregnant again and have another baby). But, maybe I am remembering it incorrectly.

Last edited by germaine2626; 11-21-2016 at 05:23 PM..
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