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she has a 4 month old. Who expects people to travel with a 4 month old?
if grandma and grandpa wanted to bond with baby, they would make a bigger effort. it isn't a travel issue...I don't think. I think its more a disappointment that her parents aren't more excited to bond with their grandchild
Grandma and Grandpa already made one trip. Do you seriously think 4 months old bond with anybody besides their parents? And as somebody who drove 14 hours with a 7 month old to his grandparents, I KNOW babies are quite portable.
We still haven't heard from the OP how often he returns to visit his parents. But, as a grandmother who has made the trip to see her grandson 4 times, driving 8 hours each way, and paying for hotels, meals, and gas, while the parents are "too busy" to make the reverse drive ( yeah, we still work, and have 2 other kids), I'm over new parents who think the world should bow down to them.
My parents made the long distance trip twice a year to see their grandchildren. They still managed to remain quite close to them, even before Facetime and Skype.
My parents saw my kids twice a year. I never thought they didn't love my kids or felt put out. My kids loved them almost as much as their grandparents who lived close by.
Grandma and Grandpa already made one trip. Do you seriously think 4 months old bond with anybody besides their parents? And as somebody who drove 14 hours with a 7 month old to his grandparents, I KNOW babies are quite portable.
We still haven't heard from the OP how often he returns to visit his parents. But, as a grandmother who has made the trip to see her grandson 4 times, driving 8 hours each way, and paying for hotels, meals, and gas, while the parents are "too busy" to make the reverse drive ( yeah, we still work, and have 2 other kids), I'm over new parents who think the world should bow down to them.
My parents made the long distance trip twice a year to see their grandchildren. They still managed to remain quite close to them, even before Facetime and Skype.
It isn't about bowing down...I am sorry that is your outlook. Its unmet expectations...and understandable that people feel that way. I think the way to deal with it is to change expectations. Some grandparents are super excited and come a lot, or come to stay and help. Some don't. Its just the way it is.
It isn't about bowing down...I am sorry that is your outlook. Its unmet expectations...and understandable that people feel that way. I think the way to deal with it is to change expectations. Some grandparents are super excited and come a lot, or come to stay and help. Some don't. Its just the way it is.
Unmet expectations, sure. That doesn't mean those expectations are justified, or realistic. Nor is it true grandparents who find that travel is onerous aren't thrilled to have grandchildren, or wish they lived closer.
What IS true is that all too often young parents feel the birth of a baby excuses them from making an effort to do their part in keeping the grandparent-grandchild bond strong.
It isn't about bowing down...I am sorry that is your outlook. Its unmet expectations...and understandable that people feel that way. I think the way to deal with it is to change expectations. Some grandparents are super excited and come a lot, or come to stay and help. Some don't. Its just the way it is.
But, you are forgetting the part about the grandmother having health problems, uses a cane and the grandparents saying that it is too difficult to travel. In addition, the OP has a house with all of the bedrooms on the second floor, so not only can't grandma sleep there when they visit but grandma can not put the baby to sleep, supervise him while he naps, pick him up when he wakes up. Frankly, I can't picture that Grandma would be a lot of help for a new baby. Of course, she can cook & clean (depending on how much she needs her cane) & hold the baby once other people carry him down stairs. And, grandpa can go up and down the stairs. But, coming to "help" may not be a reasonable expectation for the grandparents.
The OP did not say that his parents weren't excited or they did not frequently call, Skype, FaceTime, send presents, etc. etc. You are just assuming that because they only visited once in the four months since their grandchild was born.
Our second grandchild was born in January and it is likely that I will never be able to visit her in her own home (at least until my husband dies or goes into a nursing home fulltime). And since my husband is totally disabled and can not travel at all, he definitely will never be able to travel the 2,000 to see them (he was agitated the last time we traveled 25 miles to see a relative).
That we can not visit in person has absolutely nothing to do with how excited we are about our grandchildren. We Skype every week, we send letters, cards & presents. I/we often read stories to our grandkids and sing to them on Skype. And, our son & family are able to visit us once or twice a year.
Since the OP has not returned we really do not know the whole picture.
Last edited by germaine2626; 11-18-2016 at 09:59 AM..
My grandma always said that the ones that move away, have to do the travelling. That's why my poor dad made over 40 trips from CA. to VA.
OP, when you get older you'll understand how hard it is to leave home. Some of us become full fledged home bodies, and don't understand why. In your case, its a shame you can't make up a place for them to stay. I have to say if I was in your situation, I'd move a bed downstairs if that's what it took to have my parents stay with us.
I can't imagine not seeing my grand kids, but I can see both sides of this argument. I have the opposite problem, my grands are aging out. I begged for more, but its a no go. HFBird, your story is so sad, and I wish I were your kids granny. I'd rather be around kids than adults any day of the week!
Funny story: I was complaining to the 13 year old that I don't see them enough, and that I'll have to wait until she and her older sister have kids. I asked if she'd let her kids come stay with me. She said yes, but she'd have to come with them. I asked why, and she said IF I lived that long, she'd worry that her children would find me....uhhhh, "gone".
She softened the blow by saying she wouldn't want to stay home with her husband and miss out on the fun.
Sheesh! Just because YOU, a young, healthy adult, feel that a 7 hour drive is easy, it may not mean the same for older, or elderly parents. Don't you believe them when they say that they have health problems and it is too hard for them? What do you want? A notarized letter from their doctor?
Just because your dad uses a lawn mower you have no idea if he has to stop every 15 minutes and a take a break or needs to spread the weekly lawn mowing over multiple days. In addition, depending on the reason that your mother uses a cane and can't drive, it may make riding in a car, for multiple hours, very difficult, possibly even dangerous to her health (blood clots, swelling/fluid retention, complications from arthritis, stiffness, etc.).
As an example, the last long trip that my mother was able to take by car (what others could drive in six hours) was very difficult. Her doctor needed to give her special medications to combat the swelling & pain in her legs, and required that the driver stop after an hour and let my mother walk for five minutes and then lay on the back seat if the car, with her legs elevated for five to ten minutes. So, a ten to fifteen minute break after each hour of riding in a car. And my mother still ended up in excruciating pain and could barely walk during her visit. When she returned home, she basically stayed in bed for almost a week to recover.
And, you, probably are not privy to their finances, either. Your parents may be struggling to pay the bills on their 2,500 square foot millionaire level mansion (sarcasm) and may not be able to afford two plane tickets.
Now, if you said that your parents routinely drive to visit friends who live 7 or more hours away, or routinely take vacations where they buy plane tickets and fly to far away places, or if they had visited you numerous times before their grandchild was born, that would be a different story but you have not said that.
You only said that they said that they had health problems and it was too hard for them to travel.
I hope that you and your family are able to work this out.
C'mon OP. I think you're being a wee bit selfish even borderline bratty. Are you an only child ? The baby is 4 months old not 4 years old. You expect a monthly visit? Give them a break. Keep in mind that they have a life of their own and it doesn't revolve around you & your pumpkin. The fact that they don't visit more than once in 4 months doesn't mean they don't care. Let them live. The flight is 1 hr away, why don't you travel (and don't say the baby is too young.... it's not a 5 hr trip).
I know many grandparents who make flights from Europe, Hong Kong etc. That is expensive travel. I have no clue where some have gotten their overinflated travel costs. This is Cleveland to Chicago. Get serious 2 people can come and stay with a flight and hotel for a long weekend for under 600 bucks if not under 500 or 450. They can eat with us and we can drive them to the hotel. If money is an issue they should ask us to split costs. This is there freaking grandchild who needs to bond with their grandparents. Save Skype for your college buddies. If you can do physical labor around the house, you can visit your grandson. That's more important than comfort and convenience.
Last edited by jobseeker2013; 11-18-2016 at 12:07 PM..
I know many grandparents who make flights from Europe, Hong Kong etc. That is expensive travel. I have no clue where some have gotten their overinflated travel costs. This is Cleveland to Chicago. Get serious 2 people can come and stay with a flight and hotel for a long weekend for under 600 bucks if not under 500 or 450. They can eat with us and we can drive them to the hotel. If money is an issue they should ask us to split costs. This is there freaking grandchild who needs to bond with their grandparents. Save Skype for your college buddies. If you can do physical labor around the house, you can visit your grandson. That's more important than comfort and convenience.
Ah. Thanks for making it abundantly clear it's about your hurt feelings, and not at all about your baby, or your parents.
I just did a quick web search and found the best price between Chicago and Cleveland to be $191, per person, before tax and fees. Then I checked hotels in Cleveland, and even the mid range brands were + $100/night./ Parking at the airport in Chicago? Not free.
Have you offered to share costs? Your freaking ( your word, not mine) baby needs to bond with mom and dad. There's plenty of time for extended family. That extended family DID visit already. Stop the whiny nonsense. Your parents care, I'm sure of it. But you will blow it all unless you realize they are not in a position to visit monthly. Oh, and gas up the car and drive to them, it's quite easy with an infant. Give up a little of your own comfort and convenience.
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I'd rather be around kids than adults any day of the week!
