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Old 06-13-2017, 01:18 PM
 
Location: encino, CA
866 posts, read 414,127 times
Reputation: 1138

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I don't know what happened in your family to create this break down of love and respect but, in our family, drinking and bad manners set up a lot of disconnects and bad feelings amongst the adults so I only saw my grand parents a few, unsavory times, as a kid.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobseeker2013 View Post
Before visiting last time they have not been here in close to 2 years. So I see the same pattern.

I see it too - little or no love and respect!
Quote:
I am familiar with how my dad takes care of the house and that takes a lot of energy especially of that size. If you can spend several hours mowing a lawn of that size, you cant drive or hop on a plane?
He obviously doesn't WANT TO - (for whatever his reasons).
Quote:
Im just saying looks like they shifted the responsibility to visiting to us and if we can't figure it out, oh well.
IMO, you can either go visit them or let it go. Your son will get over it.
The thing now is to become the kind of parent that your son can and will admire, cherish and BOND WITH and then, when there are grand kids, you can be a grand parent who cares and wants to visit the kids when it's your turn. Make sure that you create and keep a loving bond with your own kids so you can and will be a much BETTER grandparent some day.
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Old 06-13-2017, 01:34 PM
 
Location: encino, CA
866 posts, read 414,127 times
Reputation: 1138
Wink Healthy bonds

Quote:
Originally Posted by jobseeker2013 View Post
This is there freaking grandchild who needs to bond with their grandparents.
Some people are simply INCAPABLE of "bonding" with a child or anybody else. The most important and significant LOVE bond is between a parent and their own child. If a grand parent can or will lovingly bond with a grandchild, hurray, but it's not that important, IMO.
Our grand parents, on both sides, NEVER DID bond with me and my own parents also FAILED to bond with me but so what? It's up to me to form healthy bonds where and how I can and there are very few "bonds" within our family but that isn't ruining my life!!
BTW, a child cannot "bond with" an adult unless the adult allows it or creates it FIRST!
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Old 06-13-2017, 01:37 PM
 
Location: encino, CA
866 posts, read 414,127 times
Reputation: 1138
Question Conditioning to CARE

Quote:
Originally Posted by HighFlyingBird View Post
Some people just aren't excited to be grandparents.
It sucks, but you cant force them to care.
Yep, and you can't FORCE your grand kids to care either! Early childhood conditioning to "care" has to be there!
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Old 06-13-2017, 01:44 PM
 
Location: encino, CA
866 posts, read 414,127 times
Reputation: 1138
Wink Do it better

Quote:
Originally Posted by jobseeker2013 View Post
My dad never came so it's the same pattern. I think he himself has visited 3 times in 10 years. So I think it's the same pattern.
Looks like you are being given the standard & typical CYBER BEATING here so I will only offer this....
Hopefully you can break this uncaring and unloving pattern by raising your own kid(s) to love, honor and respect you so things will be much better when you are a grand parent and WANT to see your grand kids and they will WANT to see you.
As for now, just do the best you can...............

Last edited by jimrich; 06-13-2017 at 01:54 PM..
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Old 06-13-2017, 02:13 PM
 
Location: 49th parallel
2,534 posts, read 1,327,986 times
Reputation: 5235
Hmmm...........maybe it's just that:

They came once already in the last 4 months. Had to stay in a hotel, put up with the dog (or whatever the pet is) when they were at the house, baby was completely a nonentity, doing nothing but eating, sleeping, and crying while they were there, couldn't see him in his crib because his room was upstairs, probably drew a breath of relief when they got back, saying, well, we'll see him in a few months and maybe get to see him when he's more awake.

If you're thinking they don't care, I think you're wrong. If you really want them to bond with their grandchild, it's your turn to make the trip.
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Old 06-16-2017, 12:33 PM
 
11,984 posts, read 9,807,593 times
Reputation: 15623
Quote:
Originally Posted by jobseeker2013 View Post
My parents have seen our 4 month old only once. They are not planning on visiting anytime soon. Before our son was born, they didn't visit either. They say they have health problems, so they can't visit. Its too hard. However Chicago is only a 7 hour drive from Cleveland. If they can't drive, the flight is an hour. My dad is apparently healthy enough to maintain his 2 acre 2500 square foot house. He has a walking lawnmower that he still uses. My mom can't go by herself because she uses a cain and cant drive but is willing to come if my dad comes along. Looks like the responsibility is on us. Sound familiar to anyone?
At 4 months old, I think it is a little too soon to get annoyed that there has not been another visit that takes either a 7 hour drive or a plane ticket. How often do you think they should visit? Or are they telling you never again?

I moved away from my parents. My parents visited us very, very infrequently even after kids. Like next to never. We visited them.
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Old 06-16-2017, 06:41 PM
 
Location: here
24,839 posts, read 29,973,692 times
Reputation: 32387
Quote:
Originally Posted by jimrich View Post
Some families are NOT close and never created love/respect bonds together so there is little or no motivation to go visit folks they don't know well nor care very much about.
Our family was and still is like that but so what?
Your son will grow up and have an opportunity to make the life he wants and form the bonds he wants with others so just do your best to love and respect him so things can be better when you become a grand parent. IMO, your parents are too set in their ways now to come around to the love and respect that was not put there in the first place.
I am a grand dad now and there is absolutely no bond between my grand kids and me and most likely never will be since they are my late wife's grand kids and I had very little connection with the kids when they were little. We are all basically "acquaintances" and not very good ones at that! I love and respect them but it's not mutual! It's OK though, since I am not lonely or in need of my late wife's family in any way and my own family is all dead and gone to Heaven.
So much drama. The baby was 4 months old when this was posted, and the grand parents had visited once. Don't make it more than it is.
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