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Old 02-08-2017, 05:15 PM
 
7 posts, read 5,398 times
Reputation: 35

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We had 3 grand boys (2,3,5) and the parents (stepson 31 & wife 25) living with us for 4-1/2 months trying to get their act together. Needless to say it didn't work out and they moved on around the first of December. He only worked for 6 weeks, came home high all the time and started just sleeping all day long. The kids mom hardly did squat around our house and isn't much all there either. The DW bought them a mini van when they first came (more enabling) they ended up selling it and renting hotel rooms till they finally ran out of money including the govt. well fare $ they get. Now walking the streets trying to scrape up money for shelter and food. Pretty sad situation for 3 innocent kids. DW is going crazy trying to figure out once again how to help.

I agreed to let the kids come back for 3 months but there needs too be an exit plan in place. I have little faith that either parent will get their act together, get in drug rehab etc etc. Hate to see them shuffled off to foster care, but at 56 and nearing a looonnnggg awaited retirement in a few years, at the risk of sounding selfish I just don't want to spend my so called "golden years" raising kids again. I raised my child many years ago and I did one hell of a job at it.

I love being grandpa, we have a total of 7 GK's. But this situation has created some conflicts of differing approaches to it. I'm afraid we're going to be stuck with them. I know that sounds selfish, but making kids and dropping the ball on raising them is more selfish if you ask me. Why the hell isn't there a law against that?

I really commend you all raising your GK's but at the same time I have to be honest, it's not what I want to do long term.

Does anyone have any advice dealing with similar circumstances?

Will we need legal temporary custody?

They have medical cards for emergencies, any thing else we need regarding that if they get hurt or sick?

Thanks!
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Old 02-08-2017, 08:09 PM
 
Location: Pikeville, Ky.
13,507 posts, read 21,422,290 times
Reputation: 17791
My life has always been taking care of kids since I began babysitting at 12. I raised my own 4 kids, and although I didn't have custody, 5 of my grandchildren lived with me about 90% of the time. All their clothes and belongings were at my house, rode the school bus from my house but they did go "home" once in awhile. Their mom's were single parents working to survive and go to college.

I have 2 great grand sons who like to visit a couple times a week while their mom goes to college.

I am now 75, and my oldest grandson still lives me. He is an adult but was in a diving accident that left him a quadriplegic when he was 18. I am his caretaker, but he has learned to do more things and has accomplished more than anyone I know in his condition. He has been to college and has taught himself how to use the lawnmower and lots of other things.

He is having a couple very serious health issues right now, but still loves life and people and still makes me laugh.

I figure the good Lord either thinks I do a good job raising kids, or He keeps making me do it over and over until I get it right
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Old 02-12-2017, 09:43 AM
 
7 posts, read 5,398 times
Reputation: 35
Day 1 with 3 grandkids..2,3,5.

DW picked up the kids and all of their belongings. I think they were happy to be out of the ghetto and back to a familiar stable place (our home). This is the only place they ever had any structure and also one of the longest places they stayed in their short lives.

They will take some time to get settled in and adapt to our schedules. I heard they've been staying up late, 10pm. That won't work here. I'm in bed by 8pm during the week. I might need some ear plugs for a few weeks till they get used to going to bed earlier?

They enjoyed having a home cooked meal last night. Their mom usually buys nuked food with little to no nutritional value. We will try to wean them off of sugar too while they're staying with us. That will help calm them down in the evening too, I hope!

DW has a lot planned for them while I'm at work, basically they'll be getting pre-school time here. DW used to have her own day care so has a bit of experience with that. Good luck to her!

I've agreed to take this on until June 2017. We have a friend of DW who has offered to take over after that if the legal stuff all gets worked out. She'll need some state assistance in order to help. Money for food housing and day care. DW will also still be picking them up weekly to come back here for a night now and then.

The long term future of these 3 precious kids is up in the air and depends on whether the parents get their acts together? We don't want to see these kids end up in foster care but they might.

I saw this coming many years ago when DW's son dropped the ball on being responsible. He has 2 older kids (boy 10, girl 7) with another gal he doesn't do squat for.

DW doesn't want the kids going to a foster home, nor do I, but we have plans to move 2500 miles out of state when we retire in 4 years. Raising kids in our 60's is not what we want to do!

So we'll see how this plays out. My thinking is that DW will keep getting more and more attached to these kids and we'll be stuck with them. I hate to sound selfish, but I worked since I was 15 and just want to retire and chill. I do love kids and everything that involves raising them. But I did all that in my 20's and 30's. I don't have the energy or desire to do it anymore.

Will give periodic update if anyone cares to follow.

Ciao
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Old 02-14-2017, 09:51 AM
 
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
20,666 posts, read 21,006,221 times
Reputation: 20815
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv2fish2 View Post

I love being grandpa, we have a total of 7 GK's. But this situation has created some conflicts of differing approaches to it. I'm afraid we're going to be stuck with them. I know that sounds selfish, but making kids and dropping the ball on raising them is more selfish if you ask me. Why the hell isn't there a law against that?
Amen to that. It seems too common these days that parents just think they can quit half way through job. Didn't anyone tell them they are under an 18 year contract.
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Old 02-14-2017, 10:06 AM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
35,820 posts, read 43,970,157 times
Reputation: 59481
DH and I are in our late 60s. We thought long and hard before getting a dog, for fear it would disrupt our lives too much. It turns out he brings us joy and the satisfaction of caring for something.

I commend any grandparents who take on young children, but I would do the same thing. In my head I would hate the disruption for just a little while, but after that, in my heart, I would be grateful to be able to see that they are loved, and safe and well taken care of.

Try to look at it like a gift, OP. It will keep you young and sharp and get you out of the rocker.

I know, for me, my heartbreak would be that I had failed my own child, or else he would be raising his own children. If you feel this way, maybe raising the grands is like a "do over".
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Old 03-12-2017, 10:46 AM
 
6,308 posts, read 3,545,525 times
Reputation: 14507
My neighbors adopted their GD and raised her because her mother was an unmarried druggie. The GD has now grown to mid 20's, graduated from college, and is a fine young woman. My neighbors were younger than you when this began and the GD was still a baby. They say it kept them younger and more in touch with society.
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Old 04-25-2017, 11:24 AM
 
Location: Southern Oregon
2,865 posts, read 4,101,222 times
Reputation: 3055
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv2fish2 View Post
We had 3 grand boys (2,3,5) and the parents (stepson 31 & wife 25) living with us for 4-1/2 months trying to get their act together. Needless to say it didn't work out and they moved on around the first of December. He only worked for 6 weeks, came home high all the time and started just sleeping all day long. The kids mom hardly did squat around our house and isn't much all there either. The DW bought them a mini van when they first came (more enabling) they ended up selling it and renting hotel rooms till they finally ran out of money including the govt. well fare $ they get. Now walking the streets trying to scrape up money for shelter and food. Pretty sad situation for 3 innocent kids. DW is going crazy trying to figure out once again how to help.

I agreed to let the kids come back for 3 months but there needs too be an exit plan in place. I have little faith that either parent will get their act together, get in drug rehab etc etc. Hate to see them shuffled off to foster care, but at 56 and nearing a looonnnggg awaited retirement in a few years, at the risk of sounding selfish I just don't want to spend my so called "golden years" raising kids again. I raised my child many years ago and I did one hell of a job at it.

I love being grandpa, we have a total of 7 GK's. But this situation has created some conflicts of differing approaches to it. I'm afraid we're going to be stuck with them. I know that sounds selfish, but making kids and dropping the ball on raising them is more selfish if you ask me. Why the hell isn't there a law against that?

I really commend you all raising your GK's but at the same time I have to be honest, it's not what I want to do long term.

Does anyone have any advice dealing with similar circumstances?

Will we need legal temporary custody?

They have medical cards for emergencies, any thing else we need regarding that if they get hurt or sick?

Thanks!
I hear you, I to looked forward to my retirement, there were many things my wife and I had planned for, which now many never happen. Am I angry, you bet I'm angry, not at my grandkids but at their parents. I never show my anger around the kids nor do I talk about this around the kids, the last thing I want to do is to make them think all of this is their fault. The grandkids are wonderful children, which coming out of the household they were in they could have been horrible kids.

We've moved forward on the adoption, their mother has already signed consent paper for the adoption, now we just have to get their father to sign which isn't going to be an easy thing to do. We were going to proceed under child abandonment laws, but he knows those laws also, which in Oregon if he has no contact with the children after a year then it is abandonment. The day before the year was up he wanted to see the kids, and under Oregon law we could not deny him that right. So under our attorney advise, we are now going to seek child support from him and prorate it back a year. Hopefully this will build a fire under his butt to do something.

In regards to you question about legal custody, just file for guardianship for the children, have the parents served papers and take it to court. Seeing how the children are already in your custody and have a stable home this will be a noncontest appointment.
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Old 04-27-2017, 11:43 PM
 
Location: UNMC Area
749 posts, read 390,175 times
Reputation: 988
Quote:
Originally Posted by Terryj View Post
It's been a year since we took custody of our grandkids, there ages are 6 and 10. I can not say it's been easy, it's been a challenge. I'm 66 and haven't had kids in the house for 30 years, so it's a culture shock to say the least. We really don't see an end in sight and have resolved that the kids will be with us until they go out on their own. Their parents got wrapped up in drugs, they haven't called the kids or even tried to visit them since we have taken custody. We are thinking about adopting the kids to be able to provide them with a stable home life, and me being a disabled vet, they will have healthcare provided for them through ChampVA, if anything happens to me in the next 12 years they will have their college education paid for,

I'm just wondering how many other grandparents are doing the same.
First of all, thank you for doing this for your grandchildren! You are their very best hope. In fact, I'd encourage you to legally adopt them. It could prevent all manner of problems in the future.

Fortunately, my wife and I are not in that situation. All 9 of our grandkids are happily nestled in with their married parents. So far so good.
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Old 10-27-2017, 07:30 PM
 
Location: Southern Oregon
2,865 posts, read 4,101,222 times
Reputation: 3055
Just an update, the grandkids are doing fine, we are still dealing with some anger issues with the grand daughter but all in all it's good. The grand daughter just got enrolled in gymnastics and is loving it, the grand son just got his white belt in Tae Kwon Do, his goal is to be a black belt in 10 years. They have settled down in to a routine of school and home life, my wife and I are very happy to have these two children in our life.

We are hoping that by the end of January 2018 we'll have adopted the grand kids.
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Old 05-06-2018, 07:39 PM
 
7 posts, read 5,398 times
Reputation: 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv2fish2 View Post
Day 1 with 3 grandkids..2,3,5.

DW picked up the kids and all of their belongings. I think they were happy to be out of the ghetto and back to a familiar stable place (our home). This is the only place they ever had any structure and also one of the longest places they stayed in their short lives.

They will take some time to get settled in and adapt to our schedules. I heard they've been staying up late, 10pm. That won't work here. I'm in bed by 8pm during the week. I might need some ear plugs for a few weeks till they get used to going to bed earlier?

They enjoyed having a home cooked meal last night. Their mom usually buys nuked food with little to no nutritional value. We will try to wean them off of sugar too while they're staying with us. That will help calm them down in the evening too, I hope!

DW has a lot planned for them while I'm at work, basically they'll be getting pre-school time here. DW used to have her own day care so has a bit of experience with that. Good luck to her!

I've agreed to take this on until June 2017. We have a friend of DW who has offered to take over after that if the legal stuff all gets worked out. She'll need some state assistance in order to help. Money for food housing and day care. DW will also still be picking them up weekly to come back here for a night now and then.

The long term future of these 3 precious kids is up in the air and depends on whether the parents get their acts together? We don't want to see these kids end up in foster care but they might.

I saw this coming many years ago when DW's son dropped the ball on being responsible. He has 2 older kids (boy 10, girl 7) with another gal he doesn't do squat for.

DW doesn't want the kids going to a foster home, nor do I, but we have plans to move 2500 miles out of state when we retire in 4 years. Raising kids in our 60's is not what we want to do!

So we'll see how this plays out. My thinking is that DW will keep getting more and more attached to these kids and we'll be stuck with them. I hate to sound selfish, but I worked since I was 15 and just want to retire and chill. I do love kids and everything that involves raising them. But I did all that in my 20's and 30's. I don't have the energy or desire to do it anymore.

Will give periodic update if anyone cares to follow.

Ciao
Update; 1year 3mo raising 3 grandsons.

Boys are doing fine....DW is going nuts...lol

We have grown to love these boys as our own. The SIL & wife are still not doing well. In fact their situation has gotten worse and it is doubtful they'll ever step up and do what they need to do to get the boys back. Very sad!
We still have a retirement plan but now it may include taking and raising these 3 boys? Still a few years away from that and trying to get more help with these guys now so DW can have more time for herself.
Youngest will be in preschool next fall so it will get easier in time.

ciao
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