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Old 01-24-2019, 03:27 PM
5,742 posts, read 929,746 times
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Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
I don't think you need to blame yourselves for "not keeping up" with modern times being some kind of failure. I was raised in part by a grandparental generation, and they were wonderful, and had the strongest influence on me. If they were "out of touch" or old-fashioned, I didn't notice. Rather, I found what might be considered the more archaic aspects of their lives fascinating, and they enriched me as a person.

It boils down a lot to the child's temperament. And your kids were adopted; you didn't have them (or at least--not the daughter. You didn't say how old the boy was, when adopted) in their infancy and the beginning of toddlerhood. Those years can be utterly crucial! For example, if your daughter had been neglected in her first two years, trauma associated with that could have set the stage for the behaviors you observed in her later life with you. Her behavior could well have had little to do with you, and your approach to parenting and entertaining. Kids respond to love, and to the gift of quality time, which it sounds like you did provide. I'm really wondering about those first two years of her life, that you missed.
We adopted our kids when they were six and four; they came into our home as foster-adopt kids when they were five and three (our son was the younger of the two). They had both been severely neglected by their drug-addicted bio mom, who gave birth to to her daughter when she was sixteen and to her son when she was eighteen. (It took a long time for her to lose her parental rights. Contrary to what many people believe, the goal is usually to prevent bio parents from losing their kids, or at least that was the way it was in Colorado in 1996.)

That is the reason I am so opinionated on the need to educate teens about the need to wait to have kids until they are old enough to care for them properly.
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Old 01-27-2019, 01:16 PM
Location: Cleveland, Ohio
329 posts, read 152,203 times
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Agree completely. Early years and even prenatal conditions are very important. There is certainly nothing wrong with reading and playing board games! I did all of these with my granddaughter and although she has issues from the above mentioned causes, she is much more mature than her mom was at her age and does not drink or touch drugs.....so I wouldn't blame yourselves for not being "in touch" or for being "old-fashioned". In some cases, the damage has already been done by the age of 2 or 3, unfortunately.
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Old Today, 09:06 AM
Location: Cumberland Co., TN
20,666 posts, read 21,006,221 times
Reputation: 20815
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
I see many grandparents raising their grandkids, because their adult children want to get a master's degree or work and save money on childcare expenses. But it's not fair to the grandparents who have to make sacrifices. I can't imagine why so many grandparents agree to do this. I used to work with a woman who's mother took care of her child, and she'd call her mom every day and yell at her. Entitled princess getting free childcare from her mom.
Raising and babysitting are two different things. I've done both. Because I love my grandchildren and enjoy their company.
There is nothing wrong with making some sacrifices.
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Old Today, 08:20 PM
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I babysit my grandsons 3 times a week and at times I flew to another state to babysit my granddaughters. I do this because I want to. Kudos to the grandparents who stepped up to the plate to raise their grandchildren. I'm usually tired when they go home
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