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Old 01-26-2017, 08:58 AM
 
3,036 posts, read 1,697,536 times
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Reading through this forum it seems g.parents are a blessing, a curse, and in between. I have grandchildren who live on the other coast. When they were born and were nearer (4 hour drive)I spent a lot of time with them, either at our home or theirs. I cooked for them, took them to appointments when my daughter worked, and cared for them when the parents were away. I am very close to them and they love me when we visit.

But it took time when I was a new grandmother to understand where I fit in. AM I just a sitter? What does my daughter want from me, her expectations? She was and is a competent mother so did not need unasked for advice and I learnt that. However now, as they are older, we are the first, and may be the only, ones she calls when her kids misbehave, get into trouble with grades, discipline etc. We listen, offer advice. What we have learnt is that the listening is the more important part because often she comes to her own solution which works out fine. She finds it hard to hear negative remarks about her, particlularly her parenting, so we tread carefully. She has also learnt what works best for all of us. We have had misunderstandings and heartaches, disappointments and we have worked them out. Not all of them but basically we now know where we fit in.

I hope I have learnt a few things when my son has his kids. I am sure it will be different and I will learn new things!

As parents or grand parents, how is it for you?
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Old 01-29-2017, 09:06 PM
 
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I'm not sure if this is the sort of response you're looking for, but going by my experience as a parent.....my mom has been the only one of "Holly's" (my daughter) grandparents to be a part of her life, and she has helped out with raising "Holly" quite a bit over the years. (my father died when I was in elementary school, if he was still around, I'm sure he would be just as great of a grandfather as he was a dad)

Meanwhile, Holly's paternal grandparents have never really been part of her life - I can count on one hand the number of times Holly has been around her grandmother, and if her grandfather's alive and aware of her existence, he's never bothered to get in contact at all.
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Old 02-02-2017, 02:26 PM
 
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As a grandchild - I was fairly close to both sets of grandparents, but much closer to my Moms parents. Spent the weekends with them and weeks at a time with them during the summer - they lived close, backed up to woods and had a pool. It was great!. Wasn't unusual that my grandfather would pick me up on his way to the pool store in the summer last minute, I'd call my parents to tell them where I was going and wouldn't come home for a week or two. Even in my teenage years, that didn't stop and I wound up living with them for 2 years after my parents moved to Nebraska when I graduated high school - I went to school here.

Now that I have a son, my Dad is here a couple times a year for work and pleasure and sees him then. My Mom, not as much since she doesn't travel here that often. I see my Dads parents every so often and my Moms Dad comes up once or twice a year during his travels.
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Old 02-02-2017, 07:55 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ReblTeen84 View Post
As a grandchild - I was fairly close to both sets of grandparents, but much closer to my Moms parents. Spent the weekends with them and weeks at a time with them during the summer - they lived close, backed up to woods and had a pool. It was great!. Wasn't unusual that my grandfather would pick me up on his way to the pool store in the summer last minute, I'd call my parents to tell them where I was going and wouldn't come home for a week or two. Even in my teenage years, that didn't stop and I wound up living with them for 2 years after my parents moved to Nebraska when I graduated high school - I went to school here.

Now that I have a son, my Dad is here a couple times a year for work and pleasure and sees him then. My Mom, not as much since she doesn't travel here that often. I see my Dads parents every so often and my Moms Dad comes up once or twice a year during his travels.
Sounds beautiful to me!
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Old 02-06-2017, 07:33 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
509 posts, read 354,107 times
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I never knew either set of my grandparents, as they were all dead with one surviving just weeks before my birth. it was something i always wondered wistfully. My husband still remembers fond memories of spending time with his maternal grandmother who was from Italy, emigrated to America as a young woman. He still remembers his sundays in helping out his grandpa making the sunday gravy for pasta dinners. His grandparents died when he was a young boy, so very fortunate to have had spend time with them when he did.

I have two small boys, and they are very fortunate to have 3 sets of grandparents. My parents (divorced, father remarried-step grandma called Lala), granny (my mum) and my husband's parents who live locally 10 mins away. My parents live in another state and overseas, so my boys don't get to see them much; usually twice or 3x a year. Both set of grandparents are getting on in their years (88 years old down to 73)
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Old 11-14-2017, 02:34 PM
 
Location: Seattle, WA
621 posts, read 213,177 times
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The grandparent I am closest to is my Dad's Father. I knew my dad's parents very well, and was by far way closer to them than my mom's parents. I spent every day after school with my dad's parents until I was 10, then we would go on family vacations every year, but I bonded with and always hung out with my dad's father more than my dad's mother, but I'm extremely close to her as well. My mom's parents are another story. They are divorced, and my mom didn't know who her biological father was until I was 18 years old, and I have only met him once in my life, so I really don't know him at all, besides the fact he is on the opposite coast of me. My mom's mother, lives thousands of miles away, I know her and have seen her many times, but her and I aren't super close. But I only live 1 mile away from my dad's parents, hence why we are so close.
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Old 11-19-2017, 10:43 PM
 
1,705 posts, read 869,068 times
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I can say it's a lot different being a grandparent for a son than it is for a daughter.
Daughters tend to favor their own parents and mother.

In this day and age it's easier and harder to have a close relationship with a grandparent. Yes there's more technical advances to stay in touch . . . . But the parents are the 'middle man'. If the parents are too busy, too involved in their own life, etc. etc. a relationship is harder to build.

I think a lot of it is talking about distant family, share those stories, and encourage a relationship.
It helps to have feedback: That the gift was received, a thank you, acknowledgement, or something. There's only so much you can do when it isn't appreciated and I come in as a grandparents who has tried and done so many things and have hit that wall too many times.

Christmas this year to the distant son, wife, and grandkids will be a fruit gift basket. My husband and I discussed it and both agreed that is all we're doing.
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Old 11-20-2017, 09:20 PM
 
3,036 posts, read 1,697,536 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sollaces View Post
I can say it's a lot different being a grandparent for a son than it is for a daughter.
Daughters tend to favor their own parents and mother.

In this day and age it's easier and harder to have a close relationship with a grandparent. Yes there's more technical advances to stay in touch . . . . But the parents are the 'middle man'. If the parents are too busy, too involved in their own life, etc. etc. a relationship is harder to build.

I think a lot of it is talking about distant family, share those stories, and encourage a relationship.
It helps to have feedback: That the gift was received, a thank you, acknowledgement, or something. There's only so much you can do when it isn't appreciated and I come in as a grandparents who has tried and done so many things and have hit that wall too many times.

Christmas this year to the distant son, wife, and grandkids will be a fruit gift basket. My husband and I discussed it and both agreed that is all we're doing.
My son is not married yet but I already am prepared for it to be a different relationship and I don't grudge that.
We have a pretty close relationship with our daughter, closer than she is to her inlaws. We are happy to give a lot and she expects a lot. But they live on the other coast and yes she is very busy and I can talk to my grandkids and her only when she calls. We text more frequently but that is not the same. I expect she will get even busier, not less busy until they retire. So we take what we can get.
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Old 11-20-2017, 09:32 PM
 
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It is said that human is formed in his first 7 years of life.
In that respect, my GPs formed me. I grew with them, pretty much solely, until about 6.5 yo.
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