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Old 06-07-2017, 08:09 PM
 
35,095 posts, read 50,961,628 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy2be1053 View Post
Here's my situation, i have my nearly 74 year old granny (my mum) staying with myself and family which consist of myself, hubby and our two small boys (6 & 3.5 years old) in my house. On the very first day of her arrival, before i had really saw the extend of her poor health she had offered to babysit the boys in my home giving myself & hubby a chance to go out to dinner alone.

however, she is unwell with a serious case of heart congnestive failure; 3 lengthy hospitalization stays last year alone, and another one (just at 5 nights) at another hospital few months ago this year. Yesterday, we spend the day for my oldest son's birthday by the pool where she sat in the sun 90% and even gotten quite breathless moment here and there. Today, we weren't active either due to bad inclement weather; just went to church where she sat an hour, to a diner for breakfast, then hung back at home all day. She looked not so good, all breathless, having hard time breathing, so i just used today's weather as an excuse to get her to stay on the couch.

My dilemma; im not confident of leaving the boys alone with her while i go out with hubby, in the event of something happening to her. I KNOW she'll be greatly offended if i used her health as the basis of that, since she really minimizes her health issues and think everything is fine. How to tell her no, keep making excuses as to why we can't go out? ot just tell her flat out?
Go to her Physician with her and have him tell her exactly what she can and cannot do in her current health condition.
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Old 06-07-2017, 08:18 PM
 
1,717 posts, read 1,669,670 times
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The older the person is, the more they talk about them 'being fine'.


I'd also ask hubby for his opinion and hire your old babysitter. A night out is always good. It sounds like a madhouse at your house.
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Old 06-08-2017, 07:01 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
30,585 posts, read 24,921,573 times
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I think you have to understand that you are saving her from herself, by not having her babysit the kids. If, god forbid, something happened to one of the kids, she would never forgive herself. I think you need to tell her that you think your kids are too energetic for her, and that you will need to hire a sitter when you go out.

I also think your mom is in bad shape. I hope she is under a doctor's care. Make sure she gives you POA and she needs to tell you what her end of life wishes are. I don't think I'd want to have both talks at the same time, but you do need to talk to her about her fitness for babysitting and how you can take care of her if she becomes incapacitated.

Your mom is in denial about the severity of her medical issues.
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Old 06-13-2017, 03:21 PM
 
Location: encino, CA
866 posts, read 624,869 times
Reputation: 1157
Red face Grow up

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy2be1053 View Post
Here's my situation, i have my nearly 74 year old granny (my mum) staying with myself and family which consist of myself, hubby and our two small boys (6 & 3.5 years old) in my house. On the very first day of her arrival, before i had really saw the extend of her poor health she had offered to babysit the boys in my home giving myself & hubby a chance to go out to dinner alone.

however, she is unwell with a serious case of heart congnestive failure; 3 lengthy hospitalization stays last year alone, and another one (just at 5 nights) at another hospital few months ago this year. Yesterday, we spend the day for my oldest son's birthday by the pool where she sat in the sun 90% and even gotten quite breathless moment here and there. Today, we weren't active either due to bad inclement weather; just went to church where she sat an hour, to a diner for breakfast, then hung back at home all day. She looked not so good, all breathless, having hard time breathing, so i just used today's weather as an excuse to get her to stay on the couch.

My dilemma; im not confident of leaving the boys alone with her while i go out with hubby, in the event of something happening to her. I KNOW she'll be greatly offended if i used her health as the basis of that, since she really minimizes her health issues and think everything is fine. How to tell her no, keep making excuses as to why we can't go out? ot just tell her flat out?
Your real dilemma is that you still feel like an inferior child in relationship to your superior mum so you cannot talk to her like an EQUAL adult and say "no" or tell her anything "flat out". You will have to grow up and begin taking charge of your own life and your own home and family NO MATTER who is staying there with you. IT'S YOUR LIFE and YOUR HOME!!! Your self respect and responsibility to you kids and home are at least as important as your respect (or FEAR) for you mum and you need to take charge and be the adult here instead of the frightened little child of your now unhealthy mum.
Surely you do not want something bad to happen to your own kids if you mum suddenly becomes unable to adequately care for them while you are away from you own home!!!! Your mum is no longer your boss and is not capable of safely handling things when you are away so common sense says you have to grow up and TAKE CHARGE NOW! How you do that is up to you and your spouse. Good luck.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy2be1053 View Post
She just doesn't get the severity of her problems.
This is all the more reason for you to grow up and take charge of things there.
Quote:
I know she'll question it but like someone said I can't appease her feelings over my boys safety.
I agree. good luck dealing with your mum as and EQUAL person and not the boss over you.

Last edited by jimrich; 06-13-2017 at 03:29 PM..
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