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Here's my situation, i have my nearly 74 year old granny (my mum) staying with myself and family which consist of myself, hubby and our two small boys (6 & 3.5 years old) in my house. On the very first day of her arrival, before i had really saw the extend of her poor health she had offered to babysit the boys in my home giving myself & hubby a chance to go out to dinner alone.
however, she is unwell with a serious case of heart congnestive failure; 3 lengthy hospitalization stays last year alone, and another one (just at 5 nights) at another hospital few months ago this year. Yesterday, we spend the day for my oldest son's birthday by the pool where she sat in the sun 90% and even gotten quite breathless moment here and there. Today, we weren't active either due to bad inclement weather; just went to church where she sat an hour, to a diner for breakfast, then hung back at home all day. She looked not so good, all breathless, having hard time breathing, so i just used today's weather as an excuse to get her to stay on the couch.
My dilemma; im not confident of leaving the boys alone with her while i go out with hubby, in the event of something happening to her. I KNOW she'll be greatly offended if i used her health as the basis of that, since she really minimizes her health issues and think everything is fine. How to tell her no, keep making excuses as to why we can't go out? ot just tell her flat out?
Sorry to hear of her health matters. I'm sure she is of the nature,independent mind saves on worry. You are kind to let her stay there. Have you tested the waters so to speak? In letting her mind them for an hour while you do yard work or some close by chore?
Sometimes we need to broach the opportunity with wise caution. I wouldn't want to put my kids safety at risk so a trial test would ease both sides.
My grandma watched me..Both my grandparents had ailments..A grandfather with leg braces and limited walking..And a grandma with heart problems. I didn't give them a reason to hunt me down. I did as was asked and often was their helper.
Makes ya wonder how parents with Ms,or other disabilities raise kids,but they do! So consider that too..
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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It's a difficult situation, but you cannot endanger your kids to save the feelings of your mom. She may feel badly if you don't go out regardless of whether you tell her the reason. I suggest hiring a responsible sitter, and just tell her that you don't want to burden her with the kids alone. It sounds like it could benefit her to have someone else there when you are gone. Your oldest is too young to have to deal with any kind of medical emergency should your mother have an incident while you are away. Good luck with this.
It's a difficult situation, but you cannot endanger your kids to save the feelings of your mom. She may feel badly if you don't go out regardless of whether you tell her the reason. I suggest hiring a responsible sitter, and just tell her that you don't want to burden her with the kids alone. It sounds like it could benefit her to have someone else there when you are gone. Your oldest is too young to have to deal with any kind of medical emergency should your mother have an incident while you are away. Good luck with this.
I agree.
With the type of health problems that you are describing I would not feel comfortable leaving her alone for multiple hours in my home. And, I absolutely, positively would NEVER leave two young children in her care for more than a few minutes.
If you have more questions please post them on the caregiver forum.
Is it possible that she simply needs to feel like she's contributing to the family? Maybe you could find sedentary ways she could help the family out. Reading to the children or doing simple crafts, folding clothes and some kinds of cooking could be helpful without requiring too much exertion. If the issue is that she is anxious to babysit and have the children to herself, you can tell her how much you appreciate her help but the children are simply too active for her to handle alone. It is nice that you are sensitive to the possibility of hurting her feelings.
Has your mother on medication for her congestive heart failure? Has her cardiologist suggested that she use oxygen at home?
My late mother also suffered from CGF. It sounds so scary - "heart failure" - but it is not necessarily an immediate death sentence - my mother was diagnosed when she was around 75, but lived to 89.
74 is older, but not elderly. I do realize that younger seniors can have heart disease, (and have a good friend in this age bracket who is battling heart disease now), but encourage her to do what she can to improve her health. There are things you can do to help her, too.
Stroke and heart attack are dangers for anyone diagnosed with CHF.
Meanwhile, encourage your mother to put her feet up on a footstool whenever she's seated, cut down on salt, fat, red meat and sugar intake, eat heart-healthy foods, pace herself and rest if she becomes breathless or exhausted, lose weight if needed, take a baby aspirin every day or two if her cardiologist thinks it's a good idea, and start a gentle exercise program to build up muscle - upper leg muscles can supplement the heart in moving blood around. Just doing two sets of fifteen leg lifts each day can help build strength. She could even do sets of five lifts of each leg at a time, but do them several times a day - or three sets of ten lifts: once in the morning, then at midday, and again at bedtime.
I agree that her involvement with her grandsons would be best kept to quiet activities, but this includes reading to them, playing simple games (board or otherwise), singing, doing crafts with them, and so on. My own grandmother used a wheelchair from the time I was six years old, but she was still involved with her grandchildren and great grandchildren. She also enjoyed embroidery, letter writing, reading, and continued to take a lively interest in cooking and meal planning.
Best wishes to you and your family, especially your mother.
Another thought: make sure her cardiologist knows about her weakness and breathlessness. A change of medication may work better without side effects. Some heart meds can make weakness much worse - this was the case with the friend I mentioned in my earlier post. So I'd suggest calling her cardiologist and letting him or her know what's going on.
Has your mother on medication for her congestive heart failure? Has her cardiologist suggested that she use oxygen at home?
My late mother also suffered from CGF. It sounds so scary - "heart failure" - but it is not necessarily an immediate death sentence - my mother was diagnosed when she was around 75, but lived to 89.
74 is older, but not elderly. I do realize that younger seniors can have heart disease, (and have a good friend in this age bracket who is battling heart disease now), but encourage her to do what she can to improve her health. There are things you can do to help her, too.
Stroke and heart attack are dangers for anyone diagnosed with CHF.
Meanwhile, encourage your mother to put her feet up on a footstool whenever she's seated, cut down on salt, fat, red meat and sugar intake, eat heart-healthy foods, pace herself and rest if she becomes breathless or exhausted, lose weight if needed, take a baby aspirin every day or two if her cardiologist thinks it's a good idea, and start a gentle exercise program to build up muscle - upper leg muscles can supplement the heart in moving blood around. Just doing two sets of fifteen leg lifts each day can help build strength. She could even do sets of five lifts of each leg at a time, but do them several times a day - or three sets of ten lifts: once in the morning, then at midday, and again at bedtime.
I agree that her involvement with her grandsons would be best kept to quiet activities, but this includes reading to them, playing simple games (board or otherwise), singing, doing crafts with them, and so on. My own grandmother used a wheelchair from the time I was six years old, but she was still involved with her grandchildren and great grandchildren. She also enjoyed embroidery, letter writing, reading, and continued to take a lively interest in cooking and meal planning.
Best wishes to you and your family, especially your mother.
I agree that it isn't an immediate death sentence. It IS manageable per her cardiologist back home. Anyway, whole discussion is kinda moot now, because that very night of my posting she couldn't breathe. I had to call 911 for an ambulance and ended up staying with her all night in the ER before being admitted upstairs to the critical unit. Turns out it was her heart going Afib which would make this the 3rd AFib episode since last July.
She's being discharged to my home tomorrow and was supposed to fly home on her original flight this Sunday, but now of course that isn't possible for some time being. Even last night while visiting her in the hospital, she was talking about taking my 6 year old to the movies to see captain underpants alone?!? She just doesn't get the severity of her problems.
Another thought: make sure her cardiologist knows about her weakness and breathlessness. A change of medication may work better without side effects. Some heart meds can make weakness much worse - this was the case with the friend I mentioned in my earlier post. So I'd suggest calling her cardiologist and letting him or her know what's going on.
Since her admission to my local hospital, there has been one change to her mediation regime. But I honestly feel the transatlantic flight put a lot of undue streee on her heart which resulted in another Afib episode. Also from the moment I picked her up at airport to the hospitalization (2cdays) every meal she ate consisted a lot of table salt and fair amount of fried food like French toast, cheese quesadilla, pizza, and eggs Benedict. so in a way I'm not at all surprised she landed herself in the hospital! But now she'll be stuck in my home for potentially another 2 weeks until she has the clearance to fly back home, I'll be feeding her MY way, and not leaving the boys alone with her. I know she'll question it but like someone said I can't appease her feelings over my boys safety.
If I were in your shoes, I'd tell her thank you and let her know you invited someone to help with the kids so she doesn't have to strain as much. . . Then pay the teenage babysitter and let her know that she's jointly helping your mother watch the kids. Maybe the grandmother can read some stories while the babysitter gives them bathes and chases them down.
Kids that young I'd have back up on hand. That way your mom feels 'useful', you get a night out, and the babysitter has fun with the kids.
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so in a way I'm not at all surprised she landed herself in the hospital! But now she'll be stuck in my home for potentially another 2 weeks until she has the clearance to fly back home, I'll be feeding her MY way, and not leaving the boys alone with her. I know she'll question it but like someone said I can't appease her feelings over my boys safety.
