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Old 06-28-2017, 04:19 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,568 posts, read 14,180,052 times
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I respect the parenting of my adult child and spouse. I am very lucky to know they are good, conscientious parents.

The only thing I have ever wanted to speak up about is allowing the kids to complain or voice unhappiness. I think it is OK for kids to do so. Parents can override the complaints. This is the only thing I have EVER disagreed with. But I am not raising the kids. I get to have them on loan and spoil them. I am NOT telling their parents anything, except what a good job they are doing.
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Old 07-01-2017, 07:33 AM
 
Location: Coastal Georgia
36,940 posts, read 45,385,657 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran View Post
I respect the parenting of my adult child and spouse. I am very lucky to know they are good, conscientious parents.

The only thing I have ever wanted to speak up about is allowing the kids to complain or voice unhappiness. I think it is OK for kids to do so. Parents can override the complaints. This is the only thing I have EVER disagreed with. But I am not raising the kids. I get to have them on loan and spoil them. I am NOT telling their parents anything, except what a good job they are doing.
I agree with this. My kids have raised good responsible kids and good students, so I can't complain. I've written before what my friend once said about her teenagers, "it's better if you don't like what they're saying, than if they aren't saying anything at all." I agree that kids need to be heard.

I have a similar theory about not stifling a child's creativity. If my 4 year old likes to wear the same awful outfit every day, fine. If my teenager wants purple hair, fine (as long as it's allowed at school).

So, my youngest child and his wife are expecting their first baby. It should be very interesting for me to be a 70 year old grandmother, when the other ones were born in my 40s and 50s. I will be slower, but even more awesome LOL.
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Old 07-05-2017, 12:25 PM
 
9,568 posts, read 5,762,603 times
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We have a set of disinterested, unsupportive, self centered grandparents and I vow to never to be that way when I have grandkids. I've never said anything about it because I know that it won't change anything.

Last edited by MissTerri; 07-05-2017 at 01:05 PM..
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Old 07-05-2017, 12:44 PM
 
16,722 posts, read 14,608,301 times
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The only thing I absolutely stood up to my grandkids parents about was not pushing the kids into the pool when they couldn't swim. They used to be terrified of being around the pool if their daddy was anywhere nearby because that's what he would do.

We had a fight over it one day at our pool and they left angry, but my daughter agreed later that it wasn't right, and now they both can swim anyway.

Everything else I've done wrong I've tried to fix, like letting them eat too many snacks after school or getting them ice cream too close to dinnertime. Sometimes when I'm in Grandma-mode I forget what time it is, I'm just spoiling them.
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Old 07-05-2017, 07:48 PM
 
1,705 posts, read 869,726 times
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I had to speak up about our oldest granddaughter. I told my son she is a master manipulator. She will say one thing and be doing another. Like I caught her with her younger brother on the computer and she's sympathizing with his losing on a game he's playing but at the same time she's undermining his efforts. The incident was a few years ago but I remember how I had to talk to my son about it and his wife had to come on over and find out what I was talking about. I honestly didn't know if they knew how their oldest was and how she acts and how her siblings are following her example.


I don't know if anything was done about it but at least I felt better for telling them. I'm not around my grandkids enough to know if what I see is something to bring up or not. Anyway, that time I did speak up.
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Old 07-07-2017, 06:59 AM
 
Location: ☀️ SWFL ⛱ 🌴
2,402 posts, read 1,642,429 times
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I tell my DIL what an awesome mother she is and I mean it. She has a totally different mothering style from mine and it works better. She is fun and enjoys her children.

At first I thought she allowed them too many candy and sweets. I realized by making those items a common thing and not a special treat they were not fixated on getting them and they actually say no to them sometimes. Knowing they can have them, makes them not special or highly desired.

They wear whatever they want to put on and there are no outfits that never get worn because they are "for good". I tend to be the matchy-matchy type with kids clothes, but learned to enjoy the oddity of some combos they show up in. Our granddaughter has developed a good color and pattern sense and picks pieces that go together that I never guessed would.

The kids have chores, tidy their rooms, help cook, set the table and can crack a egg. They have been taught manners and respect for others. They are eight and five and really good kids at heart. They are not perfect and are not expected to be. I freely admit she is doing a better job than I did. I couldn't be happier for my grandkids that they have her for a Mom, they are lucky and so are we as the grandparents..

Last edited by jean_ji; 07-07-2017 at 07:20 AM..
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Old 07-08-2017, 05:25 AM
 
6,351 posts, read 5,435,119 times
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I have trouble "not laughing" at things my almost-four-year-old grandson says or does. I admit I do initiate things a little bit. For example...he has a habit of...ummm....passing gas. Being raised vegetarian, and eating a lot of beans, goes with the territory, I guess. We've taught him to leave the room or, at least politely say, "Excuse me" after doing it, but one time I thought it would be funny to counter it by launching into a Steve Martin impression of "EX-CUZE ME!!!" waving my arms. He now does this every time he lets one rip, and his mother (my daughter) is less than thrillled. She doesn't have to ask where he learned it.

He's going into that typical boy stage of "gross is funny"...pretending his toys have diarrhea or making them vomit. No...I didn't teach him this. Some family members were sick with the flu, and he remembered it. You don't want to encourage it, but how do you NOT laugh sometimes? Recently, he gave his 9-month-old brother his dirty underwear he had just taken off getting ready for bed, and the baby was playing with them. His mother told him NOT to give his baby brother his dirty underwear (not soiled, but just worn), because it wasn't nice. I was holding my breath almost doubled over.

Or just this week...he "cheated" on his "chore chart" (his chores are making his bed and feeding the cat which he does every day unprompted). He then gets to put a sticker on the chart after completing his chores. At the end of the week, if he has 7 stickers, he gets 50 cents. The other day, he put stickers on the chart for the ENTIRE month of July, and went to his mother saying, "I want my two quarters." It wasn't even the end of the first week of July. She lectured him on "cheating", and told him he wouldn't get any quarters this week because he didn't follow the rules. He looked so crestfallen, I wanted to cry instead of laugh. I think he learned a lesson from it, though.

You want to discourage "innocent" bad behavior, or at least not reinforce it by laughing, but it is so hard. My daughter thinks I'm grooming him to be the class clown.

Last edited by Mrs. Skeffington; 07-08-2017 at 05:52 AM..
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Old 07-15-2017, 03:18 PM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,489 posts, read 8,696,094 times
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Yes, but my wife and I have already told her son and his wife this. When you give us your children for a few days so you can take care of your professional and social commitments, we enjoy it very much. We love your children and show them our love and respect in the way we treat them. But when they come in our house, they live by our rules and standards, not yours, the same ones that were applied to you when you were growing up.

Maybe there are some grandparents out there who would like to hear this. Maybe there are also some sons and daughters who need to hear this.
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Old 07-15-2017, 07:24 PM
 
1,705 posts, read 869,726 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs. Skeffington View Post
I have trouble "not laughing" at things my almost-four-year-old grandson says or does. I admit I do initiate things a little bit.

You want to discourage "innocent" bad behavior, or at least not reinforce it by laughing, but it is so hard. My daughter thinks I'm grooming him to be the class clown.

LOVE your stories. I hope you write them down so when this little boy is grown, he can look back and know his grandmother was there for him. Really sweet stories. My thought is boys will be boys. They love the rude sounds, the noise, the gross stuff and creepy crawlies. It's a phase, this too will pass.


I'll never forget being in a movie theater and Lyod Bridges or was it Leslie Nelson let one rip and it exploded into the ocean (bubbles) and up to the boat above, making everyone pass out. OH my son just loved that. Sat there and loudly giggled in this quiet theater. I think he was 6. Something. Comedy shows were a big hit with my little kids.
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Old 07-16-2017, 02:49 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,568 posts, read 14,180,052 times
Reputation: 30177
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
I agree with this. My kids have raised good responsible kids and good students, so I can't complain. I've written before what my friend once said about her teenagers, "it's better if you don't like what they're saying, than if they aren't saying anything at all." I agree that kids need to be heard.

I have a similar theory about not stifling a child's creativity. If my 4 year old likes to wear the same awful outfit every day, fine. If my teenager wants purple hair, fine (as long as it's allowed at school).

So, my youngest child and his wife are expecting their first baby. It should be very interesting for me to be a 70 year old grandmother, when the other ones were born in my 40s and 50s. I will be slower, but even more awesome LOL.
I have two grands, and I am 70! They are young too, grade school age. But they are gifts and there was a time when we doubted if we would ever, ever be grandparents. So our grandkids are gifts to us.

The only regret I have is that I will not live to see them successfully launched as adults. But I want to live as long as I can to see something of how they turn out.
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