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Old 09-05-2017, 12:00 AM
 
Location: Back in the Mitten. Formerly NC
3,819 posts, read 4,871,338 times
Reputation: 5242

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I'm not a grandparent, or even a parent, but this popped up in the "active threads" box in the margin. I have a niece and a second niece on the way. My mom and I went in together to buy big ticket items for both. We bought a rocking chair for niece #1. No baby shower for baby #2, but we are having a family only party this weekend. She doesn't need many things. We bought the only real big ticket item she needed for baby #2- a dresser. I know her mother-in-law bought the crib and mattress for baby #1. I have no idea if she is getting her anything for baby #2.

I, and my mother, have purchased other items as well. I have purchased a personalized Christmas bulb and some outfits. I am also throwing the party, which has admittedly gotten out of hand budget-wise. My mom has picked up some other things, too, but I'm not exactly sure what.


Honestly, what I would do personally- Wait until after the shower (if there is one). Then talk to your daughter/daughter-in-law and see if there was anything she didn't get that she really needs. Then spend what you are comfortable spending. Even if you can get a much-needed big-ticket item, it doesn't mean you can't get something personal, too. And personal doesn't have to be expensive! I happen to live within a decent drive of the world's largest Christmas store, so personalized Christmas ornaments are a go-to for me. Here are the baby's first Christmas ornaments. Not all can be personalized. It will tell you. Some are generic and available other places, but many (mostly bulbs) are exclusively made for Bronner's. Baby #2 is getting this one, more by default since some of the bulbs can't be personalized and I didn't want the same design as big sister's bulb. And because Big Sister needs a present, too, she is getting this one.
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Old 10-01-2017, 08:01 AM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,544 posts, read 42,708,506 times
Reputation: 57199
I am expecting a new grandchild in January. As soon as I found out, I started knitting things for her, and I get great fun out of picking up things on sale as I see them. I am making a collection of children's books to keep at grandmas house. These are all quite inexpensive things.
I've also bought a couple of items of maternity clothing for my DIL.

We were going to buy a Pack n Play for our house anyway, but it was on the wish list, so I still bought it to give them, and they will bring it when they come. That is our main gift.

I just took some baby blankets from the attic yesterday that belonged to our son, the baby's father, so they are 35 years old, but they were all hand made for him, so I think it's special to pass them on to his baby.
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Old 10-24-2017, 08:48 PM
 
1,259 posts, read 322,081 times
Reputation: 743
Quote:
Originally Posted by Harpaint View Post
We always make a good contribution to their college fund and the rest varies.
I made each of my grandchildren a quilt...and we started 529 college funds. Donít buy them stuff at all.
Just checks for college and handmade stuff(never had time to knit, sew or quilt for my own kids).
They (two families) live far away and we fly to visit them 3-4 times a year. We love them but donít interfere, sometimes it is hard. We love that our grandchildren are mostly named for their parents beloved grandparents
(Our parents who didnít interfere but provided lots of love, time and companionship)
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Old 10-24-2017, 08:54 PM
NCN
 
Location: NC/SC Border Patrol
21,136 posts, read 21,125,167 times
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It is your grandchild and you should give it as much as you can afford and what the parents will allow. I hardly had to buy anything for my daughter until she was three years old and wanted to pick out her own clothes.

When her daughter was born, I bought a really pretty outfit about once a month.

It makes me sad I cannot shower my son's children with gifts. They prefer money and the mother refuses to let me know what sizes they wear. I do not understand why the mother is that way. I never see them wearing anything I have ever bought them or anything from the money we give them. You can only do what the parents allow.
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Old 10-25-2017, 10:18 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,479 posts, read 15,913,707 times
Reputation: 38748
Quote:
Originally Posted by NCN View Post
It is your grandchild and you should give it as much as you can afford and what the parents will allow. I hardly had to buy anything for my daughter until she was three years old and wanted to pick out her own clothes.

When her daughter was born, I bought a really pretty outfit about once a month.

It makes me sad I cannot shower my son's children with gifts.

They prefer money and the mother refuses to let me know what sizes they wear. I do not understand why the mother is that way.
I never see them wearing anything I have ever bought them or anything from the money we give them. You can only do what the parents allow.
As a grandparent myself, I am wondering if your son and DIL are even using the money that you send them for gifts for the grandchildren on the grandchildren. How do you know that they are not using that money on things such as a mani-pedi or spa day for Mom or expensive lunches for Dad?

Perhaps it would be better to put the money in a college fund until the grandchildren are old enough to tell you themselves what they want as gifts.
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Old 10-25-2017, 07:19 PM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,730,432 times
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The grandmas bought my kids clothes and registry items before they were born. One set of grand parents kept giving cash for birthdays and baptisms. I wasn't sure what to do with it. I started savings accounts for them. Maybe it will go toward their first car, or spending money when they get to college.

ETA a word about the kids not wearing the clothes you buy. My MIL used to buy these outfits that were impractical, scratchy fabric, and not my style. I did make an effort to use some of them, but for the most part they didn't get used. It would have been great if she'd taken a cue from the stuff they did wear and bought more of that.
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Old 11-05-2017, 06:19 AM
 
575 posts, read 827,376 times
Reputation: 542
Interesting noting the different dynamics.

I have 3 g'children, live local. When the first was expected, it was the time of my life. My daughter (mommy to 1st) .. she and I, I think .. bought everything not nailed down. My wallet was flying out of my purse .. routinely. But this was all via Craigslist, garage sales, .. consignment stores, etc. And she and I had the time of our lives preparing. You name it, we bought it .. (mostly me, they couldn't afford much). It wasn't even a "gift" per se, . just "helping".

Ever since that one was born, I have delighted, as the seasons change, in buying clothes. It's going to get cold, time to buy some winter clothes, that kinda thing. And still . .the Craigslist thing for b'yard toys, etc.

There are now two more, and the dollars have to stretch further . but even still .. I do what I can .. all the time . .routinely.

Just this past week, the two younger ones (twins/boy and girl, 4 plus months old), they are just now beginning to find their hands and feet .. and so I ordered, for delivery to their home .. foot finder sock rattles and wrist rattles/teethers. The 4 yo is in pre-school and the teachers note that she needs more work with letter writing and scissor use .. and I ordered some workbooks and children's scissors and had it sent to them.

It's the joy of my life to do so.

Some g'parents I guess spend their monies on going on cruises or whatever. I delight in spending monies on things my g'children can use/want. It makes me happy to do so. And them!

I absolutely loved the story of the g'children that learned things from their g'parents. That's my story. Had a granny that lived out in the country (I don't) .. and had a garden where she grew veggies and I loved spending summers there, working in her garden and helping to shuck corn and snap beans and so forth and helping her to can things to put in the cellar. Some of my fondest memories. Wish I could offer the same, to my g'children. But I'm not the gardner she was, nor do I live in a rural setting to do so.
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Old 11-13-2017, 03:28 PM
 
Location: Thousand Oaks, California
10,403 posts, read 2,304,973 times
Reputation: 1475
I have an unborn grandchild (my 1st one!). I bought a couple things so far. A frame where they can put a picture of mommy, one of daddy, and a spot for the baby. I also bought a tiny pair of Vans tennis shoes, a couple books that were my son's favorites, and I plan to buy them the stroller/carseat that they want. After the baby comes, I am sure I will buy more things.

I also plan to spend as much time as I can with this little guy and build memories together!
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Old 12-21-2017, 02:21 PM
 
704 posts, read 228,623 times
Reputation: 862
Logically:

Grandparents should only purchase gifts and give gifts until after the birth, otherwise it's bad luck. People miscarry, no need to make the parents feel worse for letting the grandparents down.

Grandparents need to be mindful of setting a precedent with the first one. This is a biggie - you want to have a standard of living no matter how many children they have.

Grandparents shouldn't be presumptuous that the parents to be, will parent like them.

None of this negates a grandparent from having good intentions illogically, though.
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Old 10-15-2018, 08:03 AM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,544 posts, read 42,708,506 times
Reputation: 57199
We bought a Pack n Play, which was on my kids list of wants. I had intended to buy one for my house anyway, but they said they would bring it when they come, so win, win.

Of course, I loved buying baby clothes too.
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