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Old 09-05-2017, 01:24 PM
 
Location: Granville, OH and Oro Valley, AZ
114 posts, read 129,289 times
Reputation: 193

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When first notified my daughter was expecting I was kind of ambivalent about it. Friends commented on how exciting it would be and how it would change my life but I had my doubts. My wife was over the moon with excitement. At party to announce sex of baby, upon hearing results I just hoped the baby would be healthy. Meantime, other grandfather to be was screaming and jumping around the room while I looked quizzically at him. Friends continued to tell me I would no longer want to spend time in AZ (live in OH), I'd be spending free time with the grandchild, etc...


I am very active, road cycling 6000 miles a year, hiking/backpacking 100+ miles an adventuresome type of guy. Grandchild arrived and I was glad both mom and son were healthy and proceeded to head to AZ as I usually do at that time of year. Hardly thought of the grandchild while away 45 days having an exciting time. Came back, the grandchild is adorable, no doubt. When they visit our home, I can take about 15 minutes and then I'm looking for an escape, especially if child cries. It's kind of been there, done that with 3 children and that was enough. Have no interest in doing it again and while I have said nothing, my daughter knows not to ask me to babysit or take what is now a 2 year old to doctor visits, etc... I have 1 friend who is exactly the same but everyone else looks quizzically at me if I express my real feelings so I rarely do. I wonder how unusual am I or what percent of grandparents share my view?
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Old 09-05-2017, 02:18 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,495 posts, read 15,940,606 times
Reputation: 38850
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountainsofmisery View Post
When first notified my daughter was expecting I was kind of ambivalent about it. Friends commented on how exciting it would be and how it would change my life but I had my doubts. My wife was over the moon with excitement. At party to announce sex of baby, upon hearing results I just hoped the baby would be healthy. Meantime, other grandfather to be was screaming and jumping around the room while I looked quizzically at him. Friends continued to tell me I would no longer want to spend time in AZ (live in OH), I'd be spending free time with the grandchild, etc...


I am very active, road cycling 6000 miles a year, hiking/backpacking 100+ miles an adventuresome type of guy. Grandchild arrived and I was glad both mom and son were healthy and proceeded to head to AZ as I usually do at that time of year. Hardly thought of the grandchild while away 45 days having an exciting time. Came back, the grandchild is adorable, no doubt. When they visit our home, I can take about 15 minutes and then I'm looking for an escape, especially if child cries. It's kind of been there, done that with 3 children and that was enough. Have no interest in doing it again and while I have said nothing, my daughter knows not to ask me to babysit or take what is now a 2 year old to doctor visits, etc... I have 1 friend who is exactly the same but everyone else looks quizzically at me if I express my real feelings so I rarely do. I wonder how unusual am I or what percent of grandparents share my view?
I am a grandparent, too (grandmother of two).

Frankly, I bet that there a lot of grandpas that feel the same as you. I can't even guess a percentage. Maybe 25%, maybe 50%, maybe 75%. I have no idea.

And, I certainly can not picture even one of the many, many grandfathers that I know/have known to be jumping up and screaming at a gender reveal party. Nope, not even one.

Speaking of babysitting, what is your daughter and son-in-law expecting of you? A once a month date night? A few hours every week? Or multiple times each week? Are they expecting you to babysit by yourself or with your wife to share the responsibility?

And why in world would grandpa be expected to take his grandchild to a doctor's visit unless it was some unusual situation (serious illness) or an emergency while the child was in your care? I have many, many friends who are grandparents and I can not even think of one who has mentioned to me that they have been expected to take their grandchild to a doctor's appointment. Do they expect you to do other things like that? I can see how you feel BTDT if they are expecting you to do things like that (take them to the doctor and other "parent type responsibilities").

What does your wife feel about this? Does she babysit a lot? Does she take her grandchild to doctor's appointments? Does she do other things for her daughter/SIL/grandchild?

While I have a different situation (I am in ill health and until recently was caring for a disabled spouse fulltime) I can go days, or a week or more, without giving my grandchildren, who live out-of-state, a second thought. I love them very much but they are not my only concern.

Last edited by germaine2626; 09-05-2017 at 02:41 PM..
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Old 09-05-2017, 02:34 PM
 
16,724 posts, read 13,685,999 times
Reputation: 40996
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountainsofmisery View Post
I am very active, road cycling 6000 miles a year, hiking/backpacking 100+ miles an adventuresome type of guy.
...
I wonder how unusual am I or what percent of grandparents share my view?
Most grandparents are over the moon about their grandchildren.

I'm not sure what to make of your view, other than you seem rather self-absorbed. But perhaps that is because you are so active.

*shrugs* at least your wife will make up for it.
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Old 09-05-2017, 05:32 PM
 
1,347 posts, read 1,004,976 times
Reputation: 4391
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountainsofmisery View Post
When first notified my daughter was expecting I was kind of ambivalent about it. Friends commented on how exciting it would be and how it would change my life but I had my doubts. My wife was over the moon with excitement. At party to announce sex of baby, upon hearing results I just hoped the baby would be healthy. Meantime, other grandfather to be was screaming and jumping around the room while I looked quizzically at him. Friends continued to tell me I would no longer want to spend time in AZ (live in OH), I'd be spending free time with the grandchild, etc...


I am very active, road cycling 6000 miles a year, hiking/backpacking 100+ miles an adventuresome type of guy. Grandchild arrived and I was glad both mom and son were healthy and proceeded to head to AZ as I usually do at that time of year. Hardly thought of the grandchild while away 45 days having an exciting time. Came back, the grandchild is adorable, no doubt. When they visit our home, I can take about 15 minutes and then I'm looking for an escape, especially if child cries. It's kind of been there, done that with 3 children and that was enough. Have no interest in doing it again and while I have said nothing, my daughter knows not to ask me to babysit or take what is now a 2 year old to doctor visits, etc... I have 1 friend who is exactly the same but everyone else looks quizzically at me if I express my real feelings so I rarely do. I wonder how unusual am I or what percent of grandparents share my view?
I think it's probably more common then what we realize, most people just don't have the guts to admit it.
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Old 09-06-2017, 11:42 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,094 posts, read 37,733,259 times
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Remembering some of your previous threads from other subforums, it's not that surprising.

But you really should exhibit SOME attachment to those you're supposed to love.

WE don't all love every stage of child development. I am not a fan of the early/baby years. I still LOVE them, though. I do much better with older kids, beginning when they are in middle school, which is an age that many people can't stand. So maybe that will happen for you.

I still would look to see if this is a trend for you with other "loved ones" as well, though.
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Old 09-07-2017, 11:30 PM
 
1,672 posts, read 694,004 times
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This reminds me of my sister-in-law. When her grand baby was born she wanted as much equal time with him as the other grandparent. IE: That grandparent lives nearby and can see the baby 24/7 if needed. My sister-in-law lived out of state, quite a drive away. I bet it drove my brother nuts trying to make sure his wife could be there as often as she wanted to be with her grand child. Of course he let her go and now they've formed their retirement years in the same city as the grand kids.


Some people live their lives thru their grandkids. Some don't. Maybe when your grand child becomes older you can go on hikes together, bike riding, and share in the great outdoors. That's something to look forward to.


Now my dad wasn't with my kids, his grand kids 24/7. He worked until he was 78. He was out on the east coast, quite a distance from us. He couldn't be there for them. He didn't shop with them, do all the fun things you do with grand kids, but I would say they had a wonderful relationship. They knew he cared. Part of that was my talking about him to them and sharing stories when I was little and making memories in his later years. We went on a few family reunion trips with him. He liked to cook for the masses. He enjoyed life and shared it with us.


You could do what my grandfather did when family descended. He'd go out to his shop in the garage. Anyone that wanted to come out there with him was welcome. That left the women inside the house gossiping. I think that was smart of him.
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Old 09-08-2017, 06:48 AM
 
5,841 posts, read 3,309,517 times
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My dad made almost no effort to get to know any of his grandkids. As they grew, it was obvious that two of the boys had interests and natural talents similar to my dad and they pursued these things unbeknownst to him. It always seemed sad to me that my dad was so self absorbed that they never even knew each other, much less shared their many commonalities.
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Old 09-08-2017, 08:33 PM
 
1,672 posts, read 694,004 times
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It works both ways though. The grandkids need to open up and share just as much as the grandparent. It's the parents between them that need to make an effort.


And why can't the parents tell their children - 'You remind me so much of your grandpa.' Talk it up. Kids like to know that connection.
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Old 09-08-2017, 10:41 PM
 
5,841 posts, read 3,309,517 times
Reputation: 13651
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sollaces View Post
It works both ways though. The grandkids need to open up and share just as much as the grandparent. It's the parents between them that need to make an effort.


And why can't the parents tell their children - 'You remind me so much of your grandpa.' Talk it up. Kids like to know that connection.

I understand what you're saying. But GPs like my dad and the OP just aren't interested and the parents can't change that. They don't want to bother coming down to the kid's level when they're small. By the time the kids are older, the GP is just an old stranger and it's awkward. My dad sailed his boat to our town's arena and never even called us! No interest at all in seeing little kids and maybe taking them on the boat for even 10 minutes. The surprising part is that as a kid he was close to his grandmother.
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Old 09-10-2017, 11:51 AM
 
172 posts, read 80,910 times
Reputation: 328
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mountainsofmisery View Post
When first notified my daughter was expecting I was kind of ambivalent about it. Friends commented on how exciting it would be and how it would change my life but I had my doubts. My wife was over the moon with excitement. At party to announce sex of baby, upon hearing results I just hoped the baby would be healthy. Meantime, other grandfather to be was screaming and jumping around the room while I looked quizzically at him. Friends continued to tell me I would no longer want to spend time in AZ (live in OH), I'd be spending free time with the grandchild, etc...


I am very active, road cycling 6000 miles a year, hiking/backpacking 100+ miles an adventuresome type of guy. Grandchild arrived and I was glad both mom and son were healthy and proceeded to head to AZ as I usually do at that time of year. Hardly thought of the grandchild while away 45 days having an exciting time. Came back, the grandchild is adorable, no doubt. When they visit our home, I can take about 15 minutes and then I'm looking for an escape, especially if child cries. It's kind of been there, done that with 3 children and that was enough. Have no interest in doing it again and while I have said nothing, my daughter knows not to ask me to babysit or take what is now a 2 year old to doctor visits, etc... I have 1 friend who is exactly the same but everyone else looks quizzically at me if I express my real feelings so I rarely do. I wonder how unusual am I or what percent of grandparents share my view?
I think it is sad to be so self-centred. It is normal though. Were you close to your own grandparents?
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