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Old 11-01-2017, 08:37 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
13,781 posts, read 18,690,385 times
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I'm asking because my sister in law called me yesterday evening after being asked not to come over so often by her daughter in law . She is there everyday seeing the grandchild and I'm sure spoiling him rotten knowing her . She also said that she was asked to get approval before buying her grandchild something ? she also buys their groceries most times she is with them . Apparently her son , my nephew thinks this is rather okay and has said nothing to his mother , my sister in law . I told her to stop going over there everyday it is not necessary and this poor daughter in law , I feel for her . But there is no talking to my sister in law she wont listen . She thinks that the daughter in law is jealous and not being fair . I was being nasty and told my sister in law that she needs therapy LOL . I am in another state from my grandkids but when I retire I will move closer to my kids and grandkids but I will be busy enjoying my retirement and not up there butt all the time . I really do think my sister in law has too much time on her hands since my brother , her husband has passed about 5 yrs ago now and I think she should find something else to occupy her time such as a cruise or a senior bingo or cards . I mean she lives in a 55 + community and I'm aware that they have lots of activities . Do any of you grandparents spend that much time with your in laws and grandkids ?
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Old 11-01-2017, 12:16 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
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I live 2,000 miles away from my grandkids and I see them one to two weeks a year.

While I know that it may happen in some families, I personally know many grandparents who live fairly close to their grandchildren and not even one sees their grandchildren every single day. Some may see their grandchildren a few times a week, or once a week or they go to their games and recitals, but seeing them every single day. Nope, not even one of the many grandparents that I know do that.

I suspect that your sister in law is completely "over staying her welcome". I bet that she doesn't just stop over and say "hello" and play a quick half hour game or read a book to her grandkids each day and then leave. If she is buying most of their groceries I bet that she is there for hours and hours each and every day and staying for many meals. I loved my mother-in-law but I certainly would not have continued to love her if she was interfering with my family by being there everyday.
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Old 11-01-2017, 12:24 PM
 
16,722 posts, read 14,611,808 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61 View Post
my sister in law called me yesterday evening after being asked not to come over so often by her daughter in law . She is there everyday
...
there is no talking to my sister in law she wont listen
Goodness, no. I have a life of my own.

Your sister-in-law is going to find herself banned if she doesn't learn to have some respect for their wishes.
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Old 11-01-2017, 02:16 PM
 
Location: Orlando
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I live three blocks from my daughter, son-in-law, and 3-year-old granddaughter. Since I babysit the granddaughter two days a week, that's how often I see them. Once in a great while we'll get together to do something on a weekend as well, but usually it's just two days a week. And I think that's the perfect amount of togetherness for us.
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Old 11-01-2017, 02:27 PM
 
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In my era, most of us saw our grand parents every day...they lived down the street! So we couldn't get into to much trouble without them knowing about it! Guess that era is long gone and been replaced with the Stay out of our lives unless we need something from you! ...

Sad really. But that is how most live now.

I absolutely adore my grand kids and see them about once a month for 4 to 5 hours....we try to find time to do a family get together. OTherwise its phone calls.

I "get" that "grandparents" are a thing of the past and not well honored as days of yore....but dang it....some of us just wish we could have a positive influence on the child as they have those milestones....

My grandkids Maternal grandparents see them pretty regularly....They have more land and bedrooms for the kids to have sleep overs....They are blessed ...as it should be....
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Old 11-01-2017, 07:23 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,888 posts, read 17,203,069 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
In my era, most of us saw our grand parents every day...they lived down the street! So we couldn't get into to much trouble without them knowing about it! Guess that era is long gone and been replaced with the Stay out of our lives unless we need something from you! ...

Sad really. But that is how most live now.
.
I suspect that years ago when kids saw their grandparents it was often at the grandparent's home. Older grandkids would just walk to their house. I bet that most grandparents did not go to their adult child's home and spend hour after hour there, including eating many meals, every single day as the OP was implying was happening with her SIL and her grandkids).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post

I absolutely adore my grand kids and see them about once a month for 4 to 5 hours....we try to find time to do a family get together. OTherwise its phone calls.

I "get" that "grandparents" are a thing of the past and not well honored as days of yore....but dang it....some of us just wish we could have a positive influence on the child as they have those milestones....

My grandkids Maternal grandparents see them pretty regularly....They have more land and bedrooms for the kids to have sleep overs....They are blessed ...as it should be....
It sounds like your grandchildren are going to their other grandparent's house for those sleepovers and fun on their land. The maternal grandparents are not going to your adult child's house for many hours each and every day. There is a big difference between those two scenarios.
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Old 11-02-2017, 07:57 AM
 
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I don't see them everyday and I would never dream of imposing on my DIL everyday.Your SIL needs to get her own life.
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Old 11-02-2017, 08:00 AM
 
1,433 posts, read 1,111,330 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
In my era, most of us saw our grand parents every day...they lived down the street! So we couldn't get into to much trouble without them knowing about it! Guess that era is long gone and been replaced with the Stay out of our lives unless we need something from you! ...

Sad really. But that is how most live now.

I absolutely adore my grand kids and see them about once a month for 4 to 5 hours....we try to find time to do a family get together. OTherwise its phone calls.

I "get" that "grandparents" are a thing of the past and not well honored as days of yore....but dang it....some of us just wish we could have a positive influence on the child as they have those milestones....

My grandkids Maternal grandparents see them pretty regularly....They have more land and bedrooms for the kids to have sleep overs....They are blessed ...as it should be....
Grandparents aren't a thing of the past but I don't need to see my Grandchildren every day for hours in order to enjoy the milestones in their life and to be a positive influence.
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Old 11-02-2017, 08:36 AM
 
Location: OHIO
2,315 posts, read 1,052,656 times
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I'm not a grandparent but:
My brother and I lived in walking distance to my grandparents so we saw them pretty often, but not at all like the OP's situation.

They have their own life, too. It's called balance. I think she needs to pull back some, she can still have a great relationship with her grandkids
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Old 11-02-2017, 12:26 PM
 
6,071 posts, read 2,792,798 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I suspect that years ago when kids saw their grandparents it was often at the grandparent's home. Older grandkids would just walk to their house. I bet that most grandparents did not go to their adult child's home and spend hour after hour there, including eating many meals, every single day as the OP was implying was happening with her SIL and her grandkids).



It sounds like your grandchildren are going to their other grandparent's house for those sleepovers and fun on their land. The maternal grandparents are not going to your adult child's house for many hours each and every day. There is a big difference between those two scenarios.
Thanks for your interpretation! Correct there is a difference. Glad you pointed that out

I really should not be contributing to a post that you have a handle on. Lesson learned .
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