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Old 12-11-2017, 10:07 AM
 
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I would love it if my parents lived closer to our kids. As of now they see them a few times a year and it is quality time but the distance makes it difficult for it to be a close relationship. In spite of my parents good intentions and desire to be good grandparents, my kids don't really know their grandparents.

I vote for both quality and quantity.
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Old 12-11-2017, 10:26 AM
 
6,040 posts, read 4,404,099 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sunaimer View Post
We currently live in PNW and want to movie to Hawaii, if that makes a difference. I would think grandkids could come over during school breaks and part of summer if parents work. Also, we would come visit too. We do not have grandkids yet, but maybe in 5 years...
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you were the parents of the kids, not the grandparents.

Well, if you're at least 5+ years from having grandkids and even longer until they can truly 'bond' during a visit, any advice here is really really hypothetical. But...

We live a 5 hr flight from our kids' grandparents on the opposite coast. I know the PNW is about the same flight to HI plus the added factor if HI being a major tourist destination and very $$$. Those all add up to making it just a little extra difficult to maintain a happy, scheduled visitation program.
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Old 12-13-2017, 11:09 AM
 
Location: Brew City
4,097 posts, read 2,434,977 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brian_M View Post
I grew up 1000 miles from any family and thought that was Normal. I could never wrap my mind around the fact that my neighbors were able to walk 3 blocks over and visit their grandparents. Even now, my in-laws live no more than a 20 minute drive from Both sets of grandparents, and it honestly disgusts me a little. I get that the point of grandparents is to spoil the snot out of the grandkids, but when it's 4 days a week? The grandkids are spoiled, whiny little brats I want nothing to do with.

It's the "norm" for them, they can see no alternative and look at me like I'm an alien when I talk about my experiences. Actually, it's worse, the look is more disgust in nature. Given the choice for myself, I wouldn't have changed MY experience. I am firmly in the Quality over Quantity camp, and believe that with Quantity you simply can not have the same Quality.

This. Exactly. I was related to my sister and my mom in my entire county. I had aunts and uncles all over the country. My hubby on the other hand literally grew up across the street from his grandparents. We left in our early 20's and don't go back often. Our kids see their grandparents and cousins once or twice a year. Now his brother on the other hand lives a few blocks from his mom and his in-laws. They are constantly together. I find it weird as well. It's just so totally opposite of the way I grew up.


Our kids get to have the exciting trip to grandma's during the summer and it's a special time. Quality over quantity for me. We also value traveling immensely and don't like to spend all our vacation time in Ohio to see grandparents.
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Old 12-14-2017, 09:28 AM
 
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My grandgirls live in another state and at one time in another country, even though they are young I feel the times we spend together are precious and special. FaceTime is one of the best things invented and they know I'm their grandmother and know I love them so very much.
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Old 12-16-2017, 05:33 PM
 
1,705 posts, read 868,364 times
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Move where you want to. Tell your kids and grandkids the door is open. It's up to them to take up the invite.

The trend these days is to move where the job is. Families don't say put like they used to. So even with your move, family may move farther away or move closer. You don't know and you shouldn't set down roots with them in mind. It's your life, you do what you want, be happy where you go.

I told my husband if we retired in Orlando, our families will always visit. But do we want that?
Like you we are deciding to retire where we want. We doubt it'll be close to family but it'll be what we want.
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Old 12-16-2017, 06:52 PM
 
Location: ☀️ SWFL ⛱ 🌴
2,398 posts, read 1,640,874 times
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We moved near our son and family in FL five years ago, with DH taking a relocation package and a different position within his company. We wanted warmer weather and to be near the grandkids, while positioning ourselves for retirement in eight years. We would not have moved to a land-locked state with harsh winters to be near the grandkids. This area made it an easy decision.

We moved for our careers when we were young and our vacations were spent going to see our families. Our favorites vacations were when we met my parents in the Outer Banks for several years, those were good times that my son remembers. My Mom taught him how to do crypto-quips and crossword puzzles one year while there. It was great bonding time for them being on vacation together.

I love that I see our grandkids on a regular basis, and have been here to see them grow up. I find it’s the accumulation of small moments together that build a close relationship. I went to build-a-gingerbread-house at school with the kindergartener yesterday. It meant a lot to him, as does Grandparents Day at school and all the other small events that may seem unimportant. I find it takes quantity to find some quality.

If we hadn’t moved here, we would be visiting and doing the best we could, like before.

Last edited by jean_ji; 12-16-2017 at 07:09 PM..
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Old 12-17-2017, 11:23 AM
 
Location: Florida
5,661 posts, read 3,634,855 times
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My husband and I chose to move from Connecticut, where both sets of parents lived, to Florida when the kids were little. Several years later, my inlaws moved to California. We travel to them sometimes... in the past two years, we've been to see both twice. Before that, it was every 2-3 years. My inlaws have visited us just once and my parents aren't interested in visiting us.

I think it's fine to move, as long as you have the means to go and see the grandchildren sometimes, once they're born. Realize that most parents are not going to be sending young children alone on an airplane to Hawaii, so your visions of having them for holidays might not be realistic. Even if you were planning on flying to get them, there's a good chance they won't want to let that happen, at least when the children are young.
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Old 12-17-2017, 03:05 PM
 
Location: Southwest Washington State
21,534 posts, read 14,166,997 times
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You will have to decide what is most important to you. We cannot possibly know.

We moved to be closer to our grandkids and I am so glad we did. We were long distance grands for a few years, and I much prefer the present arrangement. But we have good relationships with our grown kids and spouses. There was never a feeling that we should stay where we lived. Our kids wanted us to move.

We love having time with our grands. They are great kids.

The time to foster closeness with grands is when they are little. Later, as they get older I know they will not be as willing to spend time with us. If you want a close relationship, you have to build it a day at a time when they are little.

My parents moved to a different city when my family was young. One of my kids communicated to me the regret felt after they moved. We were able to see them frequently though, because we were within driving distance. And we took vacations to other places. But, when the kids got to be teens, it became very, very hard to visit. At least one kid would need to work, and I hated leaving the kids alone with the possibility of getting into trouble. We were able to visit far, far less during those years, and of course my mother had become too old to drive to see us.

There are so many factors to consider.
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