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Old 12-09-2017, 09:31 PM
 
Location: In my head
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My children were raised with both sets of grandparents living nearby and always saw them on a regular basis. With that being said, Iím thinking of moving out of state to retire. What are your thoughts on having a nearby grandparent or an out-of-state grandparent? Seeing grandparents less often is it more quality?
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Old 12-10-2017, 05:57 AM
 
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How often is "less often". My grandparents lived out of state and we saw them twice when I was a child. My parent's didn't want to spend their vacation time only visiting grandparents.
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Old 12-10-2017, 07:27 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
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Originally Posted by Harpaint View Post
How often is "less often". My grandparents lived out of state and we saw them twice when I was a child. My parent's didn't want to spend their vacation time only visiting grandparents.
And Hubby and I did it differently when our children were young. We spent two weeks every Christmas with his parents (almost Hubby's entire yearly allotted vacation) and his parents spent two to three weeks every summer with us (their entire yearly allotted vacation).

But, there is a trade off. While we did do weekend trips in nearby cities, during their entire childhood, including their college years, we only took one family vacation that was not "visiting the grandparents". So while many of their friends and cousins were taking annual vacations to go places like the Grand Canyon, California, Mount Rushmore, NYC, national parks, historical sites, other states or other countries, etc. etc. if we couldn't drive there and back in a long weekend our children (and us parents) did not see it or do it.

It was also quite a financial hardship for us to buy four air plane tickets every year at the high Christmas rates. But, we prioritized visiting the grandparents and our children were very close to them. However, our children (now adults in their 30s) have told us that they would have liked to have done at least a few more family vacations to see and do other things. It is amazing how often they, and Hubby and me, bring up a memory or reminisce about our one, ten day family vacation (now almost 20 years ago).

Last edited by germaine2626; 12-10-2017 at 07:35 AM..
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Old 12-10-2017, 07:43 AM
 
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Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
And Hubby and I did it differently when our children were young. We spent two weeks every Christmas with his parents (almost Hubby's entire yearly allotted vacation) and his parents spent two to three weeks every summer with us (their entire yearly allotted vacation).

But, there is a trade off. While we did do weekend trips in nearby cities, during their entire childhood, including their college years, we only took one family vacation that was not "visiting the grandparents". So while many of their friends and cousins were taking annual vacations to go places like the Grand Canyon, California, Mount Rushmore, NYC, national parks, historical sites, other states or other countries, etc. etc. if we couldn't drive there and back in a long weekend our children (and us parents) did not see it or do it.

It was also quite a financial hardship for us to buy four air plane tickets every year at the high Christmas rates. But, we prioritized visiting the grandparents and our children were very close to them. However, our children (now adults in their 30s) have told us that they would have liked to have done at least a few more family vacations to see and do other things. It is amazing how often they, and Hubby and me, bring up a memory or reminisce about our one, ten day family vacation (now almost 20 years ago).
We have done mostly the same as you have, with similar results.

I have never been overwhelmingly OK with using my limited vacation time to spend with our parents. Listen...it's NOT a vacation. Everyone back home sees it as "visiting us" and views negatively any time spent with just my wife and kids and maybe a friend or two we haven't seen in a long time. I get it...but I also don't, if that makes sense.

Our kids are old enough now that frankly they're bored just sitting in grandparents' homes, amplified by the fact that that's been the expectation for so long, with no variation. The grands are starting to feel that. So in a way, doing the same thing year after year has kind of backfired.
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Old 12-10-2017, 07:51 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Sunaimer View Post
My children were raised with both sets of grandparents living nearby and always saw them on a regular basis. With that being said, Iím thinking of moving out of state to retire. What are your thoughts on having a nearby grandparent or an out-of-state grandparent? Seeing grandparents less often is it more quality?
I hate to bring up mortality here, but how old are you/your parents/your kids? How many years might you expect to have to deal with this arrangement?
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Old 12-10-2017, 07:57 AM
 
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I grew up 1000 miles from any family and thought that was Normal. I could never wrap my mind around the fact that my neighbors were able to walk 3 blocks over and visit their grandparents. Even now, my in-laws live no more than a 20 minute drive from Both sets of grandparents, and it honestly disgusts me a little. I get that the point of grandparents is to spoil the snot out of the grandkids, but when it's 4 days a week? The grandkids are spoiled, whiny little brats I want nothing to do with.

It's the "norm" for them, they can see no alternative and look at me like I'm an alien when I talk about my experiences. Actually, it's worse, the look is more disgust in nature. Given the choice for myself, I wouldn't have changed MY experience. I am firmly in the Quality over Quantity camp, and believe that with Quantity you simply can not have the same Quality.
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Old 12-10-2017, 03:39 PM
 
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Growing up I had two friends whose GPs lived nearby, and I loved going over there with my friends after school. Homemade cookies, playing Go Fish or Old Maid, listening to old 33's, or playing with the little dog. We had a great time over there.
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Old 12-10-2017, 09:48 PM
 
Location: In my head
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We currently live in PNW and want to movie to Hawaii, if that makes a difference. I would think grandkids could come over during school breaks and part of summer if parents work. Also, we would come visit too. We do not have grandkids yet, but maybe in 5 years...
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Old 12-11-2017, 07:19 AM
 
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, originally from SF Bay Area
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The age of the grandkids has a lot to do with it. When toddlers and up to 8-10 kids love to spend time with their grandparents, and they are a lot of fun to have visiting. Based on my own experience as a kid, however, when they get to be teens they probably won'd be excited to see us, perhaps even would be bored when visiting as their interests change, and they become addicted to social media.
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Old 12-11-2017, 09:38 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Sunaimer View Post
We currently live in PNW and want to movie to Hawaii, if that makes a difference. I would think grandkids could come over during school breaks and part of summer if parents work. Also, we would come visit too. We do not have grandkids yet, but maybe in 5 years...
We moved to Hawaii when my husband first retired at age 62 and before we had grandkids. We enjoyed it immensely for 5 years, but then had to return to the mainland to care for an ill parent. By the time he passed, our kids were out of college and working and they didn't want us to return to Hawaii full time since they no longer had enough time to come to Hawaii very often. We kept our condo there, but decided to move into a 55+ in the PNW to be closer to the kids. It's been great to be back and have two baby grandkids now. We can vacation Hawaii when we want, but due to 1) Poor healthcare in Hawaii and 2) Desire to be closer to family now, we are enjoying being back in the PNW as our primary residence again.
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