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Old 01-11-2018, 04:25 PM
 
Location: Pikeville, Ky.
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Old 01-11-2018, 05:45 PM
 
736 posts, read 397,925 times
Reputation: 1716
Good for your mom! Your husband moved into a non Muslim country. I suggest he get over it or you could get a new husband.
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Old 01-11-2018, 06:06 PM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,730,432 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nurse Bishop View Post
Good for your mom! Your husband moved into a non Muslim country. I suggest he get over it or you could get a new husband.
It has zero to do with the country and everything to do with the owner of the house. The OP is Muslim, too. She is the one asking her mother to conform to a religion that is not hers.
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Old 01-11-2018, 06:10 PM
 
Location: interior Alaska
3,978 posts, read 2,964,648 times
Reputation: 11847
I think CD hires people to make outlandish one-hit-wonder OPs when things are a bit slow, honestly.
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Old 01-11-2018, 06:16 PM
 
Location: Texas
6,433 posts, read 2,346,379 times
Reputation: 13818
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostnip View Post
I think CD hires people to make outlandish one-hit-wonder OPs when things are a bit slow, honestly.
I see a pattern in many posts like this, actually.
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Old 01-11-2018, 06:17 PM
 
1,404 posts, read 1,557,460 times
Reputation: 3672
OP chose her husband poorly.
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Old 01-11-2018, 06:23 PM
 
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,730,432 times
Reputation: 31039
Quote:
Originally Posted by Axxlrod View Post
OP chose her husband poorly.
What makes you say that? OP seems perfectly willing to convert and adhere to the religion. That's fine. Her issue is expecting her mom to change.
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Old 01-11-2018, 06:23 PM
 
736 posts, read 397,925 times
Reputation: 1716
Frostnip, I am with you. Why do we waste our time?
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Old 01-11-2018, 08:52 PM
 
965 posts, read 529,720 times
Reputation: 3369
Seriously, this has to be a troll post.

Why would you would expect your parents to give up their dog, actually want a newborn in their house, and be available night and day to save your back (what about their backs?!).

The advice that was asked for:

1. Go live with your husband and get a job there. He must have living quarters somewhere.

2. Don't even consider a baby until you and your husband actually spend some time living together. Save up and buy a condo if that's what you want.

3. Don't even consider a baby until you have the financial means for you and your husband to PAY the many expenses for a child, like daycare for one if you plan to work. It is expensive and don't expect grandparents to raise your kid.

4. You are married and should be independent so act like it. Your parents have their home and their lives, which is not your territory to intrude upon. Go make your own life with your husband without mooching on others.
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Old 01-12-2018, 01:56 AM
 
230 posts, read 107,202 times
Reputation: 337
Understand that we do live in a society that is about their "furbabies". I cannot say how many times I have seen people choose their dogs/cats/whatever pet they cherish more over family. In my mind, these people don't have their priorities in order. Personally, I used to be one of them, but one day after having my first child, it truly clicked that my pets were not near as important as my husband, our child, or family members and friends that we cared for. I love animals, and they make wonderful companions a lot of the time. There are plenty of great health benefits from having pets, but they aren't more important than the lives of people. There were even family members I remember dealing with and I didn't like two of their little obnoxious dogs around my baby, but they did not care so we made sure our child was not placed in that situation in the first place. Although I always hated when they say, "Oh, I know when we pass away, you'll give our dogs a good, loving home and continue to care for them for us, won't you?" and I would say, "Um, no." Because they were not well trained and spoiled rotten pampered pooches that would not be a good fit for our family. They would give me like this death glare like, "How dare you."

Setting that thought aside, it was rude of them to rush and get a dog if they did so intentionally knowing how you both felt about dogs in the home. Also, it needs to be considered you are in their home and their rules stand. If they choose to get a dog in their home then that is the way it is whether it's in your beliefs or not. That was their choice for their living space.

It truly might be better for you and your husband to be out on your own before trying to conceive, and most definitely before the child is born. This would ensure that you and your husband have a living space to call your own and raise your child. Far too often I have dealt with or heard about meddling in-laws that will kind of take the reigns whether they truly mean to in a malicious way, or don't exactly mean to because they were once parents, too, and only want to help, but in a way that may feel intrusive to the parents. If you and your husband have your own space it might clear the air a little bit with your folks because your mother can keep the dog and you can still have a family connection. You and your husband would be able to control that the dog is not allowed at your home and such and this would be reasonable.

She probably takes offense because you are telling her she can't have something she has grown attached to and probably see's that her precious dog could possibly do no wrong to your child because, "Oh, my sweet little Fifi here would never ever bite a sweet baby!" But she wouldn't know that, especially if the dog isn't accustomed to, or never been around children. Dog bites can happen with any dog given the right circumstance. I understand your concern, and the offense on your end because you probably expected them to be jumping up and down with joy, or super excited to think about a grandchild in their arms. It hurts, I totally understand, and it's okay you and your husband feel hurt.

Don't give up on finding a support system. After conceiving you'll still have 9-10 months to do so. Even if your husband isn't home a lot of days, perhaps try to find a pregnant women group, or a new mom group and look for some support. There are plenty of wonderful women out in this world who have their hearts break if they hear about a woman that is pregnant and lonely without a wonderful support system and probably wouldn't mind talking with you when they can or even being with you when you go into labor. Maybe look into a doula - although, they do tend to cost money, see if you can find a possibly affordable one. Doula's, as long as they are trained and have experience, are wonderful to have around during the labor and birth process. You may even find a doula that needs to do volunteer hours and might stay with you for free or a minimal fee.

Once you are pregnant and going to have a baby in a few months, the reality might get to them like, "We're going to be grandparents!" They may start getting excited then. Perhaps they're afraid you mentioning having a child is all talk and they don't want to get excited before anything is official. It's different when someone talks about having a baby as opposed to when someone is actually going to have a baby.

Make sure you and your husband would be having a baby for the right reasons. It does sound like a stressful scenario that your husband is gone a lot of the time due to the nature of his work. Having a new baby around the house is an awful lot of work. You will be extremely tired from waking up at odd hours and not sleeping more than a few hours at a time. You will be learning a lot about your baby in their first year, too. You will constantly be learning what they like and don't like. If there is a time in the close future that your husband will be at home more with you then it might be best to wait until then to have a baby because then both of you can learn about being new parents together and have a close bond with the baby. Some people make a mistake of thinking a baby will fill a loneliness void or bring a couple closer together, but this is not true. A baby will probably put a bit of a strain on your relationship, this tends to happen. Things are not the same after having a baby. You may find yourself jealous as you take care of baby as your husband sleeps for work the next day. You may get annoyed how your husband doesn't do certain things the way you would at first. Time for intimacy may not happen as often as you would both like. It will get harder to simply go out and do things, after all - the baby needs to come with you or be in the care of a responsible sitter.

Have you and your husband both sit down and talk about having children. How will you afford a new baby? Where will you live (it will put less stress on you to find out where you will live first and maybe even adjust to it)? Are you going to stay home while he works? Are you going to be expected to work after having baby and needing to find childcare? These are important topics to discuss.
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