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Old 01-12-2018, 08:53 AM
 
5,503 posts, read 3,357,853 times
Reputation: 13932

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Quote:
Originally Posted by beebee mcgee View Post
Hello all. My husband and I have been married two years and are thinking about having our first child. I am 27 and currently living with my parents, and my husband is 30 and lives 350 miles away for work. He drives home twice a month. Since he is a contractor, we are waiting until he gets a more stable job until I leave my job near my parent's home and move out to join him. We are trying to save up money as fast as we can to put a down payment on a condo.

It just feels like she has chosen the dog over us, in which case, I will move out ASAP, give birth on my own, and have no one around to support me through this time. My parents are the only family I have besides my husband. Any advice?
There's one thing I don't understand--if you really plan to move out ASAP, why don't you move to where your husband is? Then you won't be giving birth on your own, and you won't have "no one to support you." Lots of couples have babies without help from extended family. We did!

If you don't want to do that because you won't have a job there, and without a job you can't afford your own place, why are you even thinking about starting a family?

It really sounds like the dog is not the issue, but the fact that you want your mom to be provide free daycare and she is reluctant to do that. I don't blame her a bit, and I wouldn't want to do it either.

Quote:
We don't know why she made sure to buy the dog before we arrived.
She rushed to get a dog because she doesn't agree with you, she wanted a dog, and as a signal to you that she doesn't intend you to be living with her forever or to be controlling what happens in her house.
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Old 01-12-2018, 10:14 AM
 
3,325 posts, read 3,262,707 times
Reputation: 8438
Well, whoever said that the OP wouldn't be back, sure was right.

I love the statement that the OP's husband has seen dogs bite children (a fairly rare event in the US, but a frequent event in countries where there are many, many stray dogs) and so doesn't trust any dogs and will not have his child near one, even while freeloading off of his in-laws. His in-laws were kind enough to allow them to live with them, and I bet you it was for free. They are kind enough to continue supporting their daughter, who is now his wife and has converted to his religious faith and adopted his cultural norms. Yet the daughter and son-in-law expect the parents to conform to HIS cultural norms, and HIS religious norms, if in fact keeping dogs as pets is prohibited by Islam - keeping them inside the house is pretty clearly forbidden, but keeping them at all does not seem to be forbidden.

It does seem to me that there's a particularly ironic corollary, based upon events that have occurred at various frequency for the last, say, 1500 years, reported events of the last, say, hundred years, of increasing frequency over the last 70 years or so, and of greatly increasing frequency over the last 30 years or so, to the point that these events are becoming horribly mundane throughout the world. It's wrong to generalize to the point that those who commit these horrible acts, in the name of their religion, are representative of ALL adherents to that religion, even if many, many of the adherents to this religion DO encourage, financially support, or at least condone these acts, which are far, far worse than a rare dog bite. But we cannot condemn ALL adherents of this religion as responsible for these horrific acts. You'd think her husband might be able to make the stretch to not condemn ALL dogs. Or to be incredibly grateful to his extremely generous and tolerant in-laws.
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Old 01-12-2018, 10:38 AM
 
Location: Upstate NY
30,411 posts, read 9,092,686 times
Reputation: 28951
They "ran out and got a dog?" Isn't that how everyone does it when they decide to get a pet? She and your dad don't have to follow your timeline.

You're living in their home. The idea that you and your husband are giving them an ultimatum is nuts. They have a right to do what they want to do.

They're not choosing a dog over grandkids. You need to move out, and stop trying to lay a guilt trip on your parents. You are choosing not to let kids visit in the future because they have a dog. You chose to "convert" and do what your husband wants.


Good luck with that.
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Old 01-13-2018, 10:16 PM
 
848 posts, read 445,090 times
Reputation: 3248
Troll post, so obvious.
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Old 02-06-2018, 09:07 AM
 
12,429 posts, read 14,559,489 times
Reputation: 14137
Quote:
Originally Posted by beebee mcgee View Post
" I am just shocked that she is choosing an animal over a relationship with us and her grandchild, and also how she has no respect for my husband's feelings about dogs.

It just feels like she has chosen the dog over us, in which case, I will move out ASAP, give birth on my own, and have no one around to support me through this time. My parents are the only family I have besides my husband. Any advice?
Your mothers not choosing an animal over your relationship...YOU ARE!!
You have no respect for your mother when you ask that she give up her fur baby for no other reason than your husbands "feelings about dogs".
You should weigh the pro's and con's of what it is your parents do for you. They are there for you DAILY...they support you (and your husbands) desires to save money by supporting you while he's 350 miles away...
.think carefully, and show your mother some respect. Your decision to move out and have no support, and "give birth on my own" are telling of how you don't appreciate what they're doing for you.

Using a baby as leverage to get what you want from them by threatening them with withholding the child from them is cruel...especially in light of what you've said about them being the "only family i have besides my husband".
Think carefully....WHO'S really supporting you?...right now...who's there for you...right now??
Your husband has no respect for your mothers feeling about dogs either...it works both ways.
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Old 02-07-2018, 11:16 AM
 
3,588 posts, read 1,515,636 times
Reputation: 9876
Not real, folks. One post ever. Not gonna be back.
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Old 02-07-2018, 11:20 AM
 
507 posts, read 223,097 times
Reputation: 1314
I never knew Muslims had issues with dogs.
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Old 02-07-2018, 11:20 AM
 
Location: planet earth
2,903 posts, read 1,021,414 times
Reputation: 6602
Talk about entitled - Her home, her dog - you trying to dictate what you think she SHOULD do FOR YOU.

Ugh.

Move out already.
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Old 03-16-2018, 06:33 PM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
10,638 posts, read 3,316,997 times
Reputation: 12748
My advice....DON"T get pregnant until you are actually living with your husband!!
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Old 03-17-2018, 06:31 AM
Status: "Can kindness win?" (set 2 days ago)
 
Location: Here and now.
10,382 posts, read 2,816,810 times
Reputation: 11122
Quote:
Originally Posted by beebee mcgee View Post
Hello all. My husband and I have been married two years and are thinking about having our first child. I am 27 and currently living with my parents, and my husband is 30 and lives 350 miles away for work. He drives home twice a month. Since he is a contractor, we are waiting until he gets a more stable job until I leave my job near my parent's home and move out to join him. We are trying to save up money as fast as we can to put a down payment on a condo.

My husband was born muslim and I converted, so we don't believe in having dogs in the house. My mother knew this before we moved in two years ago, yet rushed to buy a dog before we arrived. We don't know why she made sure to buy the dog before we arrived. This upset my husband but nonetheless he has put up with it. Since he moved out for work 4 months ago things have gotten a lot better in this regard.

Anyways, I sat my mom down to tell her we were thinking about having a child. I want my parents to be in my child's life so I suggested I have the baby while I'm still at home so she can spend time with it before I move out. This would also take a lot of stress off my back and give me some company when dealing with the newborn. She was somewhat excited about it, but then I told her that my husband is totally against there being a dog in the house with a newborn baby. She immediately changed her expression and said 'The dog is staying no matter what.'

So I said, "Alright, then I guess we will move out before I have a baby," and she said, "Yeah I guess you will." I am just shocked that she is choosing an animal over a relationship with us and her grandchild, and also how she has no respect for my husband's feelings about dogs. Does she think the dog will care for her in old age? He has seen many dogs bite children and just does not trust them. I side with him on this issue. I don't think it's fair to tell him to just get over it. It's his child.

It just feels like she has chosen the dog over us, in which case, I will move out ASAP, give birth on my own, and have no one around to support me through this time. My parents are the only family I have besides my husband. Any advice?
You expect your parents to give up an actual pet to accommodate a hypothetical child?

I would have said no, too.
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