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Old 01-14-2018, 08:12 AM
 
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PTSD and depression, likely. Tread lightly and with compassion.
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Old 01-14-2018, 09:16 AM
 
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[quote=elhelmete;50695248]PTSD and depression, likely. Tread lightly and with compassion.[/QUOTE

We are keeping an open mind on PTSD, but there is simply no evidence of that and never has been.

Like I said, the only person to mention this is his Mom and she had nothing to support it.

Our oldest son and DIL are both high ranking officers in another service branch and they don't think its PTSD.

Neither do his two younger brothers.

DIL has not mentioned PTSD to anyone.
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Old 01-14-2018, 03:46 PM
 
Location: Minnesota
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People with depression can be very good at covering it up, probably PTSD too. You hear stories about people who commit suicide and no one had a clue that person had issues.
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Old 01-14-2018, 04:33 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Izzie1213 View Post
People with depression can be very good at covering it up, probably PTSD too. You hear stories about people who commit suicide and no one had a clue that person had issues.
Anything is possible, and like I said we will keep this in mind.

Its hard to convey on a message board, but he is one of the least likely people I know to be suffering from PTSD or depression. He was always the easiest child and most things just roll off his back. My husband and I were actually laughing about the fact that if we did something to offend him it must have been a doozy because its so rare for him to get worked up about things.

His behavior is not that of someone depressed or suffering from PTSD. Its clear that every step was planned/organized to ensure the easiest possible exit from his marriage and install himself in a new apt with his girlfriend. Even that....he waited what he deemed a respectable time to produce her. He's holding down a very stressful high paying job, apparently meeting his obligations and seeing his children.

The whole distancing from the family was clearly designed to put any/all attempts to encourage him to rethink what he was doing at bay.

Its certainly not the disorganized chaotic behavior usually seen in someone depressed. Not to mention his older brother said he seemed happy based on the Christmas face timing/girlfriend introduction.
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Old 01-18-2018, 02:10 PM
 
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Send him a card that you're thinking about him.
Send him a box with inexpensive items - Something to make him smile.
Tell him in small ways that he is family and you are there for him.

If his mom doesn't have the best relationship with him, how does she know what's going on.
Maybe he wants to live his life on his own terms without outside influence. Guys tend to be loners and not have the close family relationships like women do. It's why women prefer to live near their mom and guys don't. At least that's the norm.

You could also ask to see if he changed his phone number. That could be the problem. It has been 2 years. Maybe he did so with the divorce because he didn't want to hear from his ex.
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Old 01-22-2018, 07:19 AM
 
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I've run into a situation like the OPs. Not involving grandkids, but involving family. I found that you reach a point where there are so many ignored voicemails, calls, missed holidays and birthdays that one party (or both) feels embarrassed about it. They feel there is nothing they can do to make it right. So they just continue on that path of least resistance.

And in regards to the loan, yeah - that would likely attribute to it. Probably embarrassed he cannot or will not pay it back. I'm sure you've probably been told it before, but when you loan money, don't expect to get it back, but be surprised when you do.
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Old 01-27-2018, 10:44 AM
 
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How did your husband "behave" as a married man? Did he cheat? Were you the other woman? Was there "gray area" and/or overlap in his mother's relationship with his father and your relationship with his father?

It might be that he doesn't want things he probably used to rant over in private to feel a little too familiar. (ie "I am NOT my father.")
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Old 03-23-2018, 06:18 AM
 
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Yes. Make contact with which ever parent is the primary caregiver and arrange to see your grandchildren. Why has it taken you 2 years to address this?
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Old 03-23-2018, 06:51 AM
 
Location: Orlando
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You have two issues going on here: your relationship with your son, and your relationship with your grandchildren. Treat them separately. Get in touch with the ex-DIL and let her know you'd like to see your grandchildren, and strengthen that relationship.

As for your son, I wouldn't say anything at this point about the gift/loan/whatever it is. I'd just let him know that you love him and you miss him and your door is always open to him.
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