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Old 01-21-2018, 02:01 PM
 
5,605 posts, read 4,159,335 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SusanG_O View Post
These are important points. No; I've not seen him talking to his other grandmother either. The last time we were all over at her house she (appeared to be making a big show) of walking over to the corner and hugging him then squeezing his cheeks to which he did not react at all. My daughter told me , "she has raised three sons; you have not. She knows they're different." Then a week or two later the above scene occurred. I have no idea if the other grandma, 56, was wanting to show me how affectionate he'd be if she snuggled with him but he certainly did not. But I am definitely going to ask her what she gets from him; how he acts.
But now that I think about it, I met her four years ago at a school assembly to "watch him play trombone." After the program, the musicians filed out walking right past their families . He was about two feet from us walking by and barely glanced at us.
Well, now it sounds like you have some sort of issue with his other grandmother. You mention her age (irrelevant) and then speak disparagingly of her greeting the grandson accusing her of “making a big show”.

It almost sounds like you’re in competition with her for the grandkids affections and irked that you think you’re losing. You shouldn’t ask her anything. If you care, beyond the need to feel they like you best, about having a good relationship with your grandson you need to figure out what you’re doing or not doing to put him off.

Or it could be he’s just a 15 year old boy. They’re not exactly known for their sunny dispositions and self awareness. That could change as he matures. Or not. Not everyone likes ALL their family members and some will naturally gravitate to others. Try to not let it bother you and for sure try to not take it out on your grandson.
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Old 01-21-2018, 02:02 PM
 
Location: East Texas
506 posts, read 421,294 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
You don't sound like his grandmother at all ... so detached and almost cruel in the way you describe him. It sounds like you are talking about a kid you've never met before.

Well, he feels to me and acts like we've met casually. We've spent VERY little time together over his life. At least I've done short stints of babysitting when they came to visit us. His other grandmother always refused to babysit. I like her a lot, though.

Kids his age sometimes are embarrassed to speak to grandparents etc in front of their peers, not because of something you've done but because of immaturity. He obviously has not been coached to do other wise either.

At seventeen he should be embarrassed to say, "thank you!" or, "hello!? I've not been around his peers.

As for the original question, gifts are gifts, given because you WANT to, not out of expectation the recipient will behave in some way. Give it or don't. Just don't punish them for not acting like you thought they would.
Tell me how I've punished him. I'm waiting for the answer to this question. Let's stick to facts and not imagine things.
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Old 01-21-2018, 02:13 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,031 posts, read 37,675,762 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SusanG_O View Post
Tell me how I've punished him. I'm waiting for the answer to this question. Let's stick to facts and not imagine things.
NOT giving him any more gifts because you believe he hasn't treated you the way you think he should would be punishing him for not living up to your unspoken expectations.

A gift is supposed to be freely given by you, without strings attached.

So give him money or don't, but don't tie the gift to how he acts.
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Old 01-21-2018, 02:18 PM
 
Location: East Texas
506 posts, read 421,294 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by UNC4Me View Post
Well, now it sounds like you have some sort of issue with his other grandmother. You mention her age (irrelevant) and then speak disparagingly of her greeting the grandson accusing her of “making a big show”.

It almost sounds like you’re in competition with her for the grandkids affections and irked that you think you’re losing. You shouldn’t ask her anything. If you care, beyond the need to feel they like you best, about having a good relationship with your grandson you need to figure out what you’re doing or not doing to put him off.

I can't compete with her. For nine years after their births she lived fifteen miles from them. We lived five hours from them. So I've "lost" to use your term, to her. Not that I see any strong connection between the three of them.

Or it could be he’s just a 15 year old boy. They’re not exactly known for their sunny dispositions and self awareness. That could change as he matures. Or not. Not everyone likes ALL their family members and some will naturally gravitate to others. Try to not let it bother you and for sure try to not take it out on your grandson.
He's seventeen. And I won't take "it" whatever "it" is, out on him. How would I do that? Besides; I have a nineteen year old grandson who, although he has major problems, is the most lovey dovey, charismatic, talkative, expressive, handsome, verbal, funny, emotional, intelligent kid on the planet. I don't think my daughter is too crazy about him. She always compares them saying her son is never in any trouble which is true. He is my older daughter's child. Wish I had adopted him.
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Old 01-21-2018, 02:20 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,031 posts, read 37,675,762 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SusanG_O View Post
He's seventeen. And I won't take "it" whatever "it" is, out on him. How would I do that? Besides; I have a nineteen year old grandson who, although he has major problems, is the most lovey dovey, charismatic, talkative, expressive, handsome, verbal, funny, emotional, intelligent kid on the planet. I don't think my daughter is too crazy about him. She always compares them saying her son is never in any trouble which is true. He is my older daughter's child. Wish I had adopted him.
It's obvious that you like him and the granddaughter better than the other grandson. They can pick up on that stuff.
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Old 01-21-2018, 02:27 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
It's obvious that you like him and the granddaughter better than the other grandson. They can pick up on that stuff.
Exactly!
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Old 01-21-2018, 02:30 PM
 
Location: East Texas
506 posts, read 421,294 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
It's obvious that you like him and the granddaughter better than the other grandson. They can pick up on that stuff.

Great point. I did help raise the charmer in question so of course I'm much, much closer to him. We spent many happy, laughing hours together during that time and I gave it everything I had. The quiet grandson? He was growing up in another state. None of these facts are weird or hard to understand.
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Old 01-21-2018, 02:34 PM
 
5,605 posts, read 4,159,335 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SusanG_O View Post
He's seventeen. And I won't take "it" whatever "it" is, out on him. How would I do that? Besides; I have a nineteen year old grandson who, although he has major problems, is the most lovey dovey, charismatic, talkative, expressive, handsome, verbal, funny, emotional, intelligent kid on the planet. I don't think my daughter is too crazy about him. She always compares them saying her son is never in any trouble which is true. He is my older daughter's child. Wish I had adopted him.
In addition to the glowing words about your 19 year old grandson, here are your words about your granddaughter:

The girl is absolutely gorgeous, sweet, funny, popular, smart and charming.

In contrast, here’s what you think about your 18 year old grandson:

The boy, 18, acts like he has autism or is at least on the autism spectrum.

Do you really believe he doesn’t already feel different and therefore is highly attuned to people treating him differently? Kids are young, not obtuse. Perhaps you need to change your approach and try to celebrate his differences instead of expecting him to behave just like the others. It will likely be more work than connectioning with your more outgoing grandkids, but with patience perfectly doable.
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Old 01-21-2018, 02:34 PM
 
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Sometimes you just can't create what isn't there, and it's sort of nobody's fault. But some grandkids and grandparents are more emotionally suited to deal with it. Long distances are one of those challenging situations.

We live 3000 miles from both sets of grandparents, and we've done yeoman's work to maintain good relationships. But as our kids get older (and the grands too!!), inevitably some different dynamics pop up. We have had to make peace with the simple fact that not every relationship is going to remain rainbows and cupcakes year after year. I can't force my kids to enjoy every single time with their grands.
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Old 01-21-2018, 02:36 PM
 
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Is it possible that it is due to an issue over the religion? I have a relative who suddenly rejected everyone in the family who he deemed not Christian. He belongs to a non-denominational church and believes mainland Christians aren't really Christian.
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