U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Grandparents
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-21-2018, 02:39 PM
 
2,447 posts, read 1,052,471 times
Reputation: 9520

Advertisements

Then you give the same gifts with no expectations or to try to give each a gift in a different way. With your grandson maybe invite him to go somewhere for a birthday coffee or ice cream and then give the present. You can suggest he bring his girlfriend too.

I doubt you will have the same kind of relationship as your granddaughter, different personalities, different genders, and maybe the problem is your expectations. Sometimes a reaction or action causes a chain reaction and your grandson is picking up a vibe , a need from you, that he is rebelling against.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-21-2018, 02:40 PM
 
5,917 posts, read 4,058,733 times
Reputation: 16282
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy View Post
Then you give the same gifts with no expectations or to try to give each a gift in a different way. With your grandson maybe invite him to go somewhere for a birthday coffee or ice cream and then give the present. You can suggest he bring his girlfriend too.
.
Excellent advice.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-21-2018, 02:45 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,060 posts, read 37,695,377 times
Reputation: 73696
Quote:
Originally Posted by SusanG_O View Post
Great point. I did help raise the charmer in question so of course I'm much, much closer to him. We spent many happy, laughing hours together during that time and I gave it everything I had. The quiet grandson? He was growing up in another state. None of these facts are weird or hard to understand.
No, but your behavior is.

Are you trying to say that the charming grandson is that way because of YOUR influence? Because I don't believe that, based on what you've written here.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-21-2018, 03:06 PM
 
6,739 posts, read 2,619,543 times
Reputation: 18284
OP, you sound so cold. I understand being baffled by the grandson, but when you go on to say you get pleasure out of fawning over your granddaughter in his presence and ignoring him, this whole situation just makes me sad.

Have you had a conversation about this with your daughter? (and that would go like, "have I done something to distance my grandson", and not, "What is wrong with your son? He seems to have autism and is nothing like your lovely daughter".
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-21-2018, 03:10 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,060 posts, read 37,695,377 times
Reputation: 73696
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
... but when you go on to say you get pleasure out of fawning over your granddaughter in his presence and ignoring him, this whole situation just makes me sad.
It's SO messed up

I can't believe there are adults who act like this.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-21-2018, 03:30 PM
 
Location: East Texas
506 posts, read 421,600 times
Reputation: 697
Quote:
Originally Posted by UNC4Me View Post
In addition to the glowing words about your 19 year old grandson, here are your words about your granddaughter:

The girl is absolutely gorgeous, sweet, funny, popular, smart and charming.

In contrast, here’s what you think about your 18 year old grandson:

The boy, 18, acts like he has autism or is at least on the autism spectrum.

Do you really believe he doesn’t already feel different and therefore is highly attuned to people treating him differently? Kids are young, not obtuse. Perhaps you need to change your approach and try to celebrate his differences instead of expecting him to behave just like the others. It will likely be more work than connectioning with your more outgoing grandkids, but with patience perfectly doable.
You sound like a professional ! It hadn't occurred to me that he "feels different." But I don't know how to "change my approach." Especially now that he's driving around dating, going to church at least twice a week, working a job and studying.
I don't expect him to behave like other seventeen year olds; he almost seems like he has a mental illness. It's sort of freaky for all of us to be talking, laughing, playing with their puppy then he walks in silently, plops down on the floor, exits without a word at some point. And I can be like a mental case too when he makes me feel like it's all about me, the person he feels is a serial killer. I partly raised his cousin and nothing in the world can change that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-21-2018, 03:32 PM
 
Location: East Texas
506 posts, read 421,600 times
Reputation: 697
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
No, but your behavior is.

Are you trying to say that the charming grandson is that way because of YOUR influence? Because I don't believe that, based on what you've written here.
My grandson, the outgoing one who probably won't live a long life, is not the way he is because of anything whatsoever having to do with me. You guys are trying to put me in a straightjacket.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-21-2018, 03:38 PM
 
5,917 posts, read 4,058,733 times
Reputation: 16282
Quote:
Originally Posted by SusanG_O View Post
You sound like a professional ! It hadn't occurred to me that he "feels different." But I don't know how to "change my approach." Especially now that he's driving around dating, going to church at least twice a week, working a job and studying.
Sounds like a grandkid most people would be super proud to have...??

Quote:
Originally Posted by SusanG_O View Post
I don't expect him to behave like other seventeen year olds; he almost seems like he has a mental illness. It's sort of freaky for all of us to be talking, laughing, playing with their puppy then he walks in silently, plops down on the floor, exits without a word at some point.
Sounds like a typical 17 year old to me?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by SusanG_O View Post
And I can be like a mental case too when he makes me feel like it's all about me, the person he feels is a serial killer.
He can't MAKE you feel anything, and where on earth did the serial killer comment come from?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-21-2018, 03:38 PM
 
2,447 posts, read 1,052,471 times
Reputation: 9520
Quote:
Originally Posted by SusanG_O View Post
You sound like a professional ! It hadn't occurred to me that he "feels different." But I don't know how to "change my approach." Especially now that he's driving around dating, going to church at least twice a week, working a job and studying.
I don't expect him to behave like other seventeen year olds; he almost seems like he has a mental illness. It's sort of freaky for all of us to be talking, laughing, playing with their puppy then he walks in silently, plops down on the floor, exits without a word at some point. And I can be like a mental case too when he makes me feel like it's all about me, the person he feels is a serial killer. I partly raised his cousin and nothing in the world can change that.
Then stop worrying about it and just accept his presence as it is and just carry on. You can't force people to interact and if he has underlying problems do some research on it so you can change your reaction and approach. You can't change him but you can change your expectations and behavior.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-21-2018, 03:38 PM
 
Location: East Texas
506 posts, read 421,600 times
Reputation: 697
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
It's SO messed up

I can't believe there are adults who act like this.
I do not "fawn over" my granddaughter when he's around. She comes over to me when I'm on the sofa and sits on the carpet next to me and chats. Is she also nuts? I think it's good that he is able to see how many if not most grandkids act towards grandma.
My daughter has a fit, a tantrum almost, if I even begin to compare the two of them. I know she has spoken to a professional about him because last year she told me, "so this person told me he may be on the autism spectrum." I didn't dream that up out of insanity. She termed it, "Asperger's."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting > Grandparents
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top