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Old 01-21-2018, 03:41 PM
 
5,917 posts, read 4,060,433 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SusanG_O View Post
I know she has spoken to a professional about him because last year she told me, "so this person told me he may be on the autism spectrum." I didn't dream that up out of insanity. She termed it, "Asperger's."
If this doesn't encourage you to back off and have some freaking compassion, and not make it about YOU, the situation is hopeless. I'll bite my tongue before saying more.
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Old 01-21-2018, 03:47 PM
 
5,607 posts, read 4,162,357 times
Reputation: 12343
Quote:
Originally Posted by SusanG_O View Post
I do not "fawn over" my granddaughter when he's around. She comes over to me when I'm on the sofa and sits on the carpet next to me and chats. Is she also nuts? I think it's good that he is able to see how many if not most grandkids act towards grandma.
My daughter has a fit, a tantrum almost, if I even begin to compare the two of them. I know she has spoken to a professional about him because last year she told me, "so this person told me he may be on the autism spectrum." I didn't dream that up out of insanity. She termed it, "Asperger's."
Good for her! Given that your comparisons are wholly positive about your granddaughter and wholly negative about your grandson. If he has truly been diagnosed with Aspergers, then it’s even more important you educate yourself and learn to interact with him in a positive way.

Perhaps you need to focus on what you can do to support and encourage your daughter and GS in a loving, non judgemental way instead of making it about you not getting what you want.
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Old 01-21-2018, 03:53 PM
 
2,447 posts, read 1,054,543 times
Reputation: 9540
Quote:
Originally Posted by SusanG_O View Post
I do not "fawn over" my granddaughter when he's around. She comes over to me when I'm on the sofa and sits on the carpet next to me and chats. Is she also nuts? I think it's good that he is able to see how many if not most grandkids act towards grandma.
My daughter has a fit, a tantrum almost, if I even begin to compare the two of them. I know she has spoken to a professional about him because last year she told me, "so this person told me he may be on the autism spectrum." I didn't dream that up out of insanity. She termed it, "Asperger's."

Oh well if he has asperges then you need to definately do some research and learn how to communicate differently because communication is very difficult for those with aspergers. You are expecting something from him that may be very difficult and maybe time for compassion and effort on your part to reach out in a way that he can cope with. Put aside your anger, this isn't personal and it's not about you but you can certainly hurt your grandson by not recognizing he may be differently abled

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...-relationships
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Old 01-21-2018, 03:58 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,069 posts, read 37,716,477 times
Reputation: 73719
Quote:
Originally Posted by SusanG_O View Post
My daughter has a fit, a tantrum almost, if I even begin to compare the two of them.
Because it's unfair of your to do so.

DO NOT COMPARE THEM. Stop it immediately.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SusanG_O View Post
I know she has spoken to a professional about him because last year she told me, "so this person told me he may be on the autism spectrum." I didn't dream that up out of insanity. She termed it, "Asperger's."
And this is why your daughter gets upset when you compare them.

You do not seem to understand autism and autism-related conditions. You need to read up on Aspergers' so you can see why most of us are appalled at the way you are describing this child.

http://www.autismspeaks.org/sites/de..._to_autism.pdf

It can be difficult to build a relationship and connection with a child with autism, as the very nature of the disorder complicates their social interactions. In addition, a child’s behavior may be offputting. Some socially unacceptable behaviors can be an embarrassment in public. Be patient, and ask the parents for help. Start out spending short periods of time participating in a
structured activity that your grandchild enjoys. Get some success under your belt and
go from there.
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Old 01-21-2018, 09:39 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
14,300 posts, read 20,557,796 times
Reputation: 20180
Wow, you could be talking about my son and daughter. Everyone raves how special and amazing my daughter is. They say nothing about my son. Your OP makes my skin crawl with anger. If I ever heard my mom talk like this about her grandson I would probably cut her out of my life. Every child is different, learn to love him for who he is.
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Old 01-21-2018, 10:31 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,489 posts, read 15,932,856 times
Reputation: 38814
Quote:
Originally Posted by SusanG_O View Post
I do not "fawn over" my granddaughter when he's around. She comes over to me when I'm on the sofa and sits on the carpet next to me and chats. Is she also nuts? I think it's good that he is able to see how many if not most grandkids act towards grandma.
My daughter has a fit, a tantrum almost, if I even begin to compare the two of them. I know she has spoken to a professional about him because last year she told me, "so this person told me he may be on the autism spectrum." I didn't dream that up out of insanity. She termed it, "Asperger's."
Look at it this way. If your grandson was blind and your granddaughter was not would you compare them to their mother and openly criticize your grandson because he could not paint a portrait as well as your granddaughter? I really doubt it.

Or if your grandson was in a wheelchair and could not walk and your granddaughter had the use of her legs would you compare them to their mother and openly criticize your grandson because he could not run a foot race as well as your granddaughter? I really doubt it.

Yes, it does sound like your grandson could be on the autism spectrum. Why, oh why would you compare him with his sister who is clearly not autistic?

Please read up on Asperger's.
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Old 01-22-2018, 07:43 AM
 
Location: Camberville
11,397 posts, read 16,003,306 times
Reputation: 18050
I grew up only seeing my grandparents once a year. They were much closer to the grandchildren who lived locally and only one of them really made an effort to build strong relationships with my brother and I. We are both extreme introverts - though I learned how to "play the game" better than my brother. I'm sure one set of grandparents in particular thought similarly to the OP about us.

As kids visiting my grandparents, we were the children and were expected either to go play/watch TV in another room for the most part while the grown ups talked. We spoke when spoken to, and my grandparents didn't generally make much effort to make memories specifically with us. As a result when we hit our teens and college years, there was a LOT of tension with our grandparents who expected us to take a greater interest in the relationship with them independently. That doesn't generally happen - certainly not with introverts. Knowing how my grandparents compared my brother and I (straight As, never in trouble, active in our community, both went to good colleges on scholarships) to our cousins who were local and much more outgoing, I know I developed a lot of anxiety about talking to my grandparents.

The only grandparent I had a lasting relationship with into adulthood was the grandmother who made sure to speak to us on the phone every single week. Had she feigned interest when I was a teenager, it already would have been too late.

Not to mention being quiet and sullen is normal teenage behavior - especially for someone with Aspergers!
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Old 01-22-2018, 12:14 PM
 
Location: East Texas
506 posts, read 421,789 times
Reputation: 697
Quote:
Originally Posted by UNC4Me View Post
Good for her! Given that your comparisons are wholly positive about your granddaughter and wholly negative about your grandson. If he has truly been diagnosed with Aspergers, then itís even more important you educate yourself and learn to interact with him in a positive way.

Perhaps you need to focus on what you can do to support and encourage your daughter and GS in a loving, non judgemental way instead of making it about you not getting what you want.
I'm sorry; I must not have made myself clear. He has Not been diagnosed with Asperger's. My daughter, his mother, was speaking casually with a friend who has a Master's in Psychology. She described my grandson and the lady said he could have Asperger's syndrome. Any interaction with either the boy or his sister will be quite sparse with them being teenagers steeped in schooling, parties, dances, shopping trips, visits to their dad's house and being with their current love interest.
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Old 01-22-2018, 12:23 PM
 
Location: East Texas
506 posts, read 421,789 times
Reputation: 697
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Look at it this way. If your grandson was blind and your granddaughter was not would you compare them to their mother and openly criticize your grandson because he could not paint a portrait as well as your granddaughter? I really doubt it.

Or if your grandson was in a wheelchair and could not walk and your granddaughter had the use of her legs would you compare them to their mother and openly criticize your grandson because he could not run a foot race as well as your granddaughter? I really doubt it.

Yes, it does sound like your grandson could be on the autism spectrum. Why, oh why would you compare him with his sister who is clearly not autistic?

Please read up on Asperger's.

I do not openly criticize my grandson. To whom? My daughter, his mother , will only tolerate positive comments about him. If I say, "did you notice he spent half an hour at the other side of the room in the corner when his sister sat right next to me?" she would lose it. So I discussed him on city data; not to her! That would be out of the question. No can do.
And if I were crazy enough to compare him to his sister I'd need medical attention. I've never done that. They are as different as they could be with the one exception that they both love church.
People are making things up on here for some reason or else I'm demented and saying stuff I don't recall saying.
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Old 01-22-2018, 12:31 PM
 
Location: East Texas
506 posts, read 421,789 times
Reputation: 697
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Because it's unfair of your to do so.

DO NOT COMPARE THEM. Stop it immediately.



And this is why your daughter gets upset when you compare them.

You do not seem to understand autism and autism-related conditions. You need to read up on Aspergers' so you can see why most of us are appalled at the way you are describing this child.

http://www.autismspeaks.org/sites/de..._to_autism.pdf

It can be difficult to build a relationship and connection with a child with autism, as the very nature of the disorder complicates their social interactions. In addition, a childís behavior may be offputting. Some socially unacceptable behaviors can be an embarrassment in public. Be patient, and ask the parents for help. Start out spending short periods of time participating in a
structured activity that your grandchild enjoys. Get some success under your belt and
go from there.
He has not been diagnosed with Asperger's. It was casually mentioned once. Also, he is seventeen and has zero interest in "building a relationship" with me. Remember, I was mostly out of his life for nine years living out of state and now he's involved with his various musical talents , school, church camps and outings, job and girlfriend. I "could" spend periods of time watching him play sports but he injured his knee so badly the surgeon said he can never play sports again. He sits in his room with his guitars, piano, violin and television. Oh; and two dogs. I'm happy he has so many hobbies.
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