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Old 02-12-2018, 02:22 PM
 
43 posts, read 37,432 times
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Hi All, I'm sure this question has been asked before but just wondering what your experience has been for those of you who live away from family.
Husband and I are so torn, 1 year ago we followed our kids back to NJ after leaving there 10 years ago because we didn't like it and cost of living/property taxes are ridiculous. So we are back in NJ and bought a tiny condo to live in (that's all we could afford) so we could be close to kids and 4 very young grandkids. We love our family but we hate living in NJ, and the tiny condo just isn't working out. We can't move to PA or anywhere nearby due to licensing issues with my husband's profession. We love North Carolina and would move there in a heartbeat but it is an 8 hour drive away from family.
The only reason we are in NJ is because of family and yet it scares/saddens me to be far away from them. I am really torn over what to do.
Any experienced responses to this would be appreciated. Thanks.
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Old 02-12-2018, 04:21 PM
 
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My parents left NJ, along with their children and grandchildren, upon retirement, and moved to NC. My mother was reluctant to leave us all, but struck a deal with my father that he would bring her back at least twice a year. He did, and of course we made the trip down at least that often.

They bought a house big enough for family visits, made many friends, and never regretted the move. And we children were happy for them. I would never have wanted my parents to give up the retirement they earned just to have them nearby.
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Old 02-12-2018, 06:19 PM
 
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, originally from SF Bay Area
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We are working past 65 partly to stay where we are, just 45 minutes away while ours are young and lots of fun. In another 3-4 years when we do retire, sell and move, it will be a bit farther away, but still within two hours drive. We can find less expensive but still really nice areas that distance away, and are not interested in going way out to other states that are really cheap. Much of WA state has reasonable prices on homes, as long as they are beyond commute distance to Seattle Metro.
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Old 02-12-2018, 11:33 PM
 
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I would live where I want and let the kids come visit or we visit them. In a perfect world it'd be nice to live near the grandkids but not in this economy / job market. Or there's other concerns like medical care in a rural area, difficulty of living in a small town. .. The list can go on and on.

And who's to say once you live close to them they may get a new job elsewhere? Not everyone stays in one spot anymore. People relocate all the time. Then what do you do, follow them?

You could move close to a vacation spot and let your family know you have plenty of room. I've heard that's a big thing about living in Orlando, Florida. Family always wants to visit, you have a hard time getting rid of them.
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Old 02-13-2018, 02:04 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sollaces View Post
And who's to say once you live close to them they may get a new job elsewhere? Not everyone stays in one spot anymore. People relocate all the time. Then what do you do, follow them?
Yes, this exactly. We have two family friends who moved across country to be close to their kids and grandkids, and within a couple of years those kids moved again, leaving the grandparents stranded. It didn't help that the grandparents had come from California, and during the interim the housing market had skyrocketed, making it difficult/impossible for them to go back to where they had lived before.

It also occurs to me that having grandparents make all that effort to move close to them could make the kids feel "stuck" from then on. They might really want to move somewhere else, but feel obligated to stay put for the grandparents. That could also cause some problems.
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Old 02-14-2018, 06:42 AM
 
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Originally Posted by saibot View Post
It also occurs to me that having grandparents make all that effort to move close to them could make the kids feel "stuck" from then on. They might really want to move somewhere else, but feel obligated to stay put for the grandparents. That could also cause some problems.
This is a good point. Thank you for the input!
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Old 02-15-2018, 08:46 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by saibot View Post
Yes, this exactly. We have two family friends who moved across country to be close to their kids and grandkids, and within a couple of years those kids moved again, leaving the grandparents stranded. It didn't help that the grandparents had come from California, and during the interim the housing market had skyrocketed, making it difficult/impossible for them to go back to where they had lived before.

It also occurs to me that having grandparents make all that effort to move close to them could make the kids feel "stuck" from then on. They might really want to move somewhere else, but feel obligated to stay put for the grandparents. That could also cause some problems.
I also know a couple who did that. It was wonderful for the years that their son/DIL and grandchildren lived close but then they moved 1,000 miles away when the parents were 75 and 85 years old. They had to move as the son had lost his job and couldn't find another job in that community. Now my friends are looking at moving again, to a new state to be near their daughter/SIL and other grandchildren. Who wants to make a major move at that age?
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Old 02-16-2018, 10:09 AM
 
Location: Thousand Oaks, California
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When my kids were little (2&4) my parents retired and moved about 5 hours from us. We understood why they left, and made a big effort to see them as much as possible. We went up to visit them 2-3 times a year and they came down to see us at least that much. We made sure that during the visits it was quality time! We also tried to call and let them talk to the kids at least once a week, maybe more. This was before skype, facetime, etc. So I dont think distance is a huge deal. My kids remained very close to their grandparents, even as adults. They have so many wonderful memories from all the visits. Like everyone else said, you cant always follow them around. Instead, make yourself happy and live in a place that you love.

I will have my first grandchild in a couple months, and I am super lucky that they live about 5-10 minutes from me. I will take advantage of that and spend as much time as I can with the baby. But if they moved, although I would be sad, I would just plan a bunch of trips to visit
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Old 04-12-2018, 05:09 PM
 
Location: Dalton Gardens
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Sadly, families can no longer stay close to each other and have to go where they can survive. In 2001 I moved to England with my son from my first marriage because my 2nd husband is British. My daughter, 18 at the time, opted to stay in the USA. During that time both of my parents died, my daughter married, and had children. My husband, son and I came back to the USA in 2008, but circumstances dictated that we had to move back to my hometown of Simi Valley in CA, instead of to AZ where my daughter and her family reside. My son also married his school sweetheart from England. They lived with us when their daughter was born, and last May returned to England. My granddaughter was almost 4 years old and had been living in my home since birth, so it was hard. My husband and I moved to Idaho in July. Just 30 minutes ago my 8th grandchild was born in AZ, on my wedding anniversary, and I have no idea when I will get to see him. But, at least we have access to video chat. It isn't easy, but life does go on because it has to.
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Old 04-29-2018, 03:37 PM
 
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This really hits home for me. DH and I live in a very busy area of SW Miami Dade County where traffic is hell and to get anywhere like the beach takes at least 1 hr. drive and another 1/2 hour to find parking. For years I have wanted to live in a smaller town in the middle of Florida where it doesn't take all day to get out of the state to take a road trip (it takes us about 8-10 hours to get out of the state of Florida from where we live).

At any rate, I retired last year, DH has been retired for about 5 years. We have 3 small grandchildren between us, me an 8 year old grandson and 5 year old granddaughter and he has a 4 year old granddaughter. I am overly attached to my grandkids and see them regularly (at least weekly, usually 2-3x week).

However, my daughter has been looking for other jobs and had been considering moving out of state if the job came through. These were in NY, DC and CA, extremely far for us and I was devastated. However, she recently got a job in Broward County about a 1.5 hour drive from us. We would not be able to see the kids as frequently if they decided to move (she may decide to commute).

This put me in a quandary, do I move where I have often wanted to move (about a 3 hour drive from where my daughters new home might be) or do I stay put? My son lives in CA, and DH's 3 adult kids live locally but are involved in their own lives and we see them infrequently.

DH and I do very little socialization outside of family events, we tend to be extroverted in social situations but are usually just on our own. As most of our relationships with other people were working relationships, we find that we are, for the most part, isolated. We do not have other couple friends that we go out with as many other people have, in part because we worked very different schedules for many years and most of our relationships outside of work were with parents of our combined 5 kids.

Other my daughters family and his 3 adult kids, I have a sister living 1/2 hour away and another living about 1.5 hours away but both work full time and are very busy with their careers.

I don't know what to do and I feel as if I am waiting for my daughter to decide on whether she will move to another county or not before taking the leap to move to central Florida. My fault, I know but I wish I could decide what to do. DH has no problems moving at all, nor seeing his kids several times a year, so this is kind of on me.....
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