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Old 03-20-2018, 11:36 AM
 
Location: Denver CO
18,975 posts, read 10,040,378 times
Reputation: 27746

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I'm a working mom too, so I agree with whoever said that you always feel like you are missing out on time with your kid. 8 to 6 is quite a long working day, is there any way to cut back on that a little bit so you do get some better time with him on weekdays?

As for the weekends, yeah, I really can't imagine how those Saturdays started, and why grandparents and your husband seem to think it's ok. I don't think you can do much besides push back and say that while you love that everyone wants that time with him, you come first. Maybe you can sign up for some Mommy & Me type classes that give you an excuse to shake up the schedule a bit? I also liked the suggestion someone made about date night sitting rather the grandfathers taking up the daytime hours.

As for your husband, hopefully he'll want to spend more time with your son as he gets older and more interactive. When my son turned about 6 months and was sitting up is when I felt like things really started getting more fun. We could roll a big ball back and forth and play with stuffed animals and make them sing and dance so he would laugh, and things that maybe will grab your husband's interest more than just holding a baby.
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Old 03-20-2018, 11:45 AM
 
4,107 posts, read 3,447,161 times
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You and your husband need decide what is best way to spend your weekends.When do you grocery shop?

It seems the grandfathers could see the baby less than every Saturday, even if one day you picked your baby up an hour later after they got home from work or something like that.

Also be easy on yourself. Hormones can swing around for several months after you have a baby. And you may be experiencing more anxiety & mood swings causing you to react differently than you normally would.
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Old 03-20-2018, 11:51 AM
 
Location: Frisco, TX
1,074 posts, read 1,157,568 times
Reputation: 1270
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom View Post
You would feel exactly like that if he was in daycare, except that it would be random caregivers witnessing all of his firsts, instead of family members who love him like you do.

This is a case of you not being able to have it all. You can work full time and accept that your baby will be spending more time with others than with you, or you can reduce your work hours and spend more time with the baby.

I do think you should put your foot down about the weekends, except that it's probably nice to be able to run errands and grocery shop without bringing the little one along.
But if her son was in daycare, she wouldn't have to worry about the daycare workers dropping by every Saturday and Sunday and hogging all of her time. Both my kids are in daycare so your statement doesn't sit well with me. Every single person that watches my children throughout the day cares for them. They know their personalities, quirks, what they like, etc. They can immediately tell if they aren't feeling well or if something is bothering them. They gleefully tell me at pickup if one of them did something new that day.

Working moms can absolutely have it all, if they are willing to balance their schedules and put the effort in (not saying OP isn't doing this). I work full time and I'm still able to spend several hours a day with both of my kids, and all day on the weekends. We (my husband and I) have to make an effort to make it work, though. Sometimes that means saying no to things that we would like to do, like going out with some of our childless friends, or not going to extended family functions because it's not practical.
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Old 03-20-2018, 11:52 AM
 
Location: Frisco, TX
1,074 posts, read 1,157,568 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frihed89 View Post
My wife is a grandmother. We live about 10 miles from the home of her son, his wife and children. We care for their children (7 and 5) at our place and theirs, when they have conflicting work schedules, when 1 or both kids are sick, when they want a night out, or just want some peace and quiet.

That is why grandmothers always have to be around.
But a babysitter can do the same thing. There are some people in this world that do not have parents around to care for their children. There are other alternatives.
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Old 03-20-2018, 11:59 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,471 posts, read 15,913,707 times
Reputation: 38735
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
I suspect that your husband has not bonded very well with his child, maybe in part because the three of you have limited time together. I would especially encourage just the three of you doing things together. And, leaving Hubby in charge of Baby more often. I recently moved to a new apartment complex and I have noticed that almost every time that I see a little baby or a toddler being pushed in a stroller it is by a man. I doubt if they are all single parents, I bet that it is one way for the dad to have a regular "special time" with their child and maybe give Mom a break. Does your husband do things like that? Or just hold his child and sing songs to him or just talk to him? Does your husband participate in the regular, loving parenting responsibilities, like giving your son a bath & getting him dressed or changing his diaper or feeding him or reading him a story and putting him to bed?

It is possible that having the grandparents "take over" on weekends may be hindering your husband's growth as a father.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Loyolane View Post
Sometimes when I’m cuddling baby and ask H if he wants to hold him,
he’ll respond with “only if you need me to”.

He doesn’t really voluntarily pick up baby unless he has to. His own words are “you’re always complaining you don’t have enough time with baby, so here you go” and he wanders off to a different part of the house. I know he loves LO but doesn’t seem to get any enjoyment from trying to make baby laugh or feeling baby fall asleep on his chest. He’ll do it if I ask but again, only if I ask.
Sometimes when I’m cuddling baby and ask H if he wants to hold him 'he’ll respond with “only if you need me to”.' ????? I'll hold my baby“ only if you need me to” ??????? And, you never noticed this as a Red Flag?

I hate to say that but the loving fathers that I know well consider holding and caring for their baby a blessing not a chore, like taking out the garbage or rotating the tires on the car or an obligation to their wife.

How does your husband actually show that he "loves" his child? Or does he just say "I love LO". Is that enough?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Loyolane View Post
I never considered it could be lack of bonding. I just thought it was lack of interest because baby can’t do that much right now.
And, when do you think that Dad will "suddenly" start to show his love and interest for his child? When the child starts to walk? Starts to talk? Starts kindergarten? Starts to drive? Gets a job? Leaves for college?

I know that I may sound blunt but you & your spouse have missed some important early bonding time with your child. But, it's not too late to take charge. The first thing to do is to tell both sets of Grandparents that Sunday (or Saturday and Sunday) are Family Days (immediate family days) unless there it is a major Holiday. It may help if you plan activities out of the house (away from Hubby's computer/hobbies/the TV or whatever is keeping Hubby from spending quality time with his child) in the beginning until he starts to relate more with his child.

Good luck.
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Old 03-20-2018, 11:59 AM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
10,860 posts, read 18,883,731 times
Reputation: 25110
Quote:
Originally Posted by stephwin View Post
But if her son was in daycare, she wouldn't have to worry about the daycare workers dropping by every Saturday and Sunday and hogging all of her time. Both my kids are in daycare so your statement doesn't sit well with me. Every single person that watches my children throughout the day cares for them. They know their personalities, quirks, what they like, etc. They can immediately tell if they aren't feeling well or if something is bothering them. They gleefully tell me at pickup if one of them did something new that day.

Working moms can absolutely have it all, if they are willing to balance their schedules and put the effort in (not saying OP isn't doing this). I work full time and I'm still able to spend several hours a day with both of my kids, and all day on the weekends. We (my husband and I) have to make an effort to make it work, though. Sometimes that means saying no to things that we would like to do, like going out with some of our childless friends, or not going to extended family functions because it's not practical.
The grandparents would still be dropping by on the weekends if the baby was in daycare, and she would have less reason to say no to them than she does now. She would just be paying more for daycare than she is currently.

I'm not trying to be mean to her by saying you can't have both, a full-time job and unlimited time with your baby. The simple truth is that you can't. If you work full time, there are at least 40 hours a week that your baby will be watched by someone else. That's simple math.
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Old 03-20-2018, 12:24 PM
 
Location: Dallas, TX and Las Vegas, NV
5,074 posts, read 3,772,849 times
Reputation: 10047
Talk to your mom privately — in person or on the phone — and tell her how hard it is for you working and not beig able to spend much time with the baby. Ask her for advise on how to communicate with your in-laws that you want Sundays all to yourself with no visitors on Sundays. This will also be an effective way to get the message to your mother while having her give you some help with your in-laws.
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Old 03-20-2018, 12:40 PM
 
57 posts, read 33,163 times
Reputation: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
I'm a working mom too, so I agree with whoever said that you always feel like you are missing out on time with your kid. 8 to 6 is quite a long working day, is there any way to cut back on that a little bit so you do get some better time with him on weekdays?

As for the weekends, yeah, I really can't imagine how those Saturdays started, and why grandparents and your husband seem to think it's ok. I don't think you can do much besides push back and say that while you love that everyone wants that time with him, you come first. Maybe you can sign up for some Mommy & Me type classes that give you an excuse to shake up the schedule a bit? I also liked the suggestion someone made about date night sitting rather the grandfathers taking up the daytime hours.

As for your husband, hopefully he'll want to spend more time with your son as he gets older and more interactive. When my son turned about 6 months and was sitting up is when I felt like things really started getting more fun. We could roll a big ball back and forth and play with stuffed animals and make them sing and dance so he would laugh, and things that maybe will grab your husband's interest more than just holding a baby.

Iíve been trying to get done work around 4 or 5 some days and catching up after LO goes to bed. Getting off work early comes with its own set of problems. Mainly,MIL wonít leave early. Sheíll say sheís leaving but somehow manages to stretch it out another half hour to an hour before she actually goe. On those days I have to say ďmommy missed you so muchĒto LO and remove him from MILís arms. And sh knows I donít like her lingering after work. She actually called once and apologized but still does it over and over again.

Thatís a good idea about mommy and me classes. Iíll have to look into that some more. I didnít think he would really benefit from them yet. But maybe in the spring/summer when heís older. I do like the date night idea as well.

I really do need to be more upfront with the grandparents themselves. Having DH tell his parents hasnít worked. I wanted to avoid th confrontation and keep peace in th family. But I feel like Iím the only one whose baby needs arenít being met.
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Old 03-20-2018, 12:43 PM
 
57 posts, read 33,163 times
Reputation: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by WorldKlas View Post
Talk to your mom privately ó in person or on the phone ó and tell her how hard it is for you working and not beig able to spend much time with the baby. Ask her for advise on how to communicate with your in-laws that you want Sundays all to yourself with no visitors on Sundays. This will also be an effective way to get the message to your mother while having her give you some help with your in-laws.
I have spoken with my mom. Her advice regarding in laws and Sunday is to give in. She told me to be generous with my time. And I think Iíve been more than generous but itís still not enough. If MIL comes over and baby is taking a nap, sheíll eiher wake him up when Iím not watching or simply come back a few hours later so she gets to play with him during waking hours. Itís just too much.

And Iím sorry, I kno I complained and ranted a lot on here. Itís hard to stop when thand floodgates are opened.
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Old 03-20-2018, 01:11 PM
 
Location: Saint John, IN
10,638 posts, read 3,314,105 times
Reputation: 12748
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vegabern View Post
Yikes! There is no way I would let it get this far. It's time to put your foot down. First with your husband and then with the grandparents. If it were me, I would maybe agree to one Saturday OR Sunday A MONTH. Certainly not every weekend. Especially because grandmas are already acting as daycare.


I agree!


The grandparents have them all week, that's enough! The weekends are your time to be with your child. PERIOD, put your foot down. I would suggest to be careful how you say it though as they are your caregivers.


I would also say to be grateful that the grandparents are in your child's life. My MIL is ALL about herself and very rarely see's my children. She doesn't even call or see them on their birthdays, it's very sad. Plus to know your child is being cared for by their grandparent instead of a stranger at daycare is another huge pls so tread lightly!
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