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Old 05-17-2018, 08:21 AM
 
2,442 posts, read 1,048,636 times
Reputation: 9496

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Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Absolutely. You can tell from the way the posts are written that "Broken-hearted Nani" is very well versed in being a victim who somehow has NO idea why her own child would "suddenly" treat her this way.

I havenít tracked other posters here ,including this one HOWEVER I do feel that Nani needs professional help because allowing herself to be treated like this is unhealthy. The dil treats her own parents this way and they put up with it. Bottom line is you canít make people like you or love you and if an adult child goes this direction there is little you can do. a parent having to let go of a child and grandchildren they love dearly is an excruciating task which is why Nani needs to join a estrangement support group and/or get grief counseling.
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Old 05-17-2018, 08:25 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,026 posts, read 37,656,456 times
Reputation: 73631
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy View Post
Yes they do if someone ends up with a controlling spouse
The DIL didn't brainwash the OP's son.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy View Post
I haven’t tracked other posters here ,including this one HOWEVER I do feel that Nani needs professional help because allowing herself to be treated like this is unhealthy. The dil treats her own parents this way and they put up with it. Bottom line is you can’t make people like you or love you and if an adult child goes this direction there is little you can do. a parent having to let go of a child and grandchildren they love dearly is an excruciating task which is why Nani needs to join a estrangement support group and/or get grief counseling.
Nani definitely needs help, but she needs personal counseling.

She raised her son, and she had influence over him for longer than this DIL. This is not a one-sided equation.
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Old 05-18-2018, 09:43 PM
 
2,442 posts, read 1,048,636 times
Reputation: 9496
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
The DIL didn't brainwash the OP's son.



Nani definitely needs help, but she needs personal counseling.

She raised her son, and she had influence over him for longer than this DIL. This is not a one-sided equation.

I didnít say anything about her son being brainwashed. Sometimes spouses rule and friends and family go by the wayside. What ya gonna do
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Old 05-19-2018, 05:24 PM
 
15,871 posts, read 13,425,064 times
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I hope your son finds the strength to leave this disordered, sick woman some day. I think you are living the nightmare of many mothers of sons.
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Old 05-19-2018, 06:05 PM
 
4,095 posts, read 1,712,748 times
Reputation: 11564
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle View Post
Absolutely. You can tell from the way the posts are written that "Broken-hearted Nani" is very well versed in being a victim who somehow has NO idea why her own child would "suddenly" treat her this way.
Agree. Don't forget "we were a team- surviving together" when the crackhead dad left.
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Old 05-19-2018, 10:08 PM
 
180 posts, read 186,674 times
Reputation: 333
OP- Is there any way you might have overstepped your bounds with either your son or your DIL in the past without even realizing it and that is what has caused this tension to build up? Maybe try to talk to DIL as a friend not as the baby's Nani. I don't know that this is the case or that it would help but I am more likely to be flexible in regards to my child with someone I have a comfortable relationship with and maybe there are unintentional hurt feelings and this can be cleared up?
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Old 05-23-2018, 09:32 PM
 
73 posts, read 45,526 times
Reputation: 250
Have you looked into possibly having codependency issues and a formerly enmeshed relationship with your son? Saying you were married to a drug addict and then describe an unhealthy dynamic of you and your son surviving together, almost like your new, replacement spouse rather than your child, rings bells for me of a disordered relationship.

Your need to blame your DIL instead of looking at your own role and your relationship with your son is a convenient scapegoat for you. Staying at their house twice a year is a huge imposition. Caring for a child is extremely exhausting, and you belittled her role as a mother saying she only has one child and doesn't even work. That is insulting to all stay at home mothers. A new mom is usually sleep deprived and exhausted and the baby's nap time is so important to moms. Interrupting the nap would drive any new mom over the edge. A baby can cry for hours until they finally go down for a nap, and a slight noise can wake them and make them cry again and become agitated. If you want to rest as soon as you arrive, you can go to a hotel. Demanding for your needs to take priority over an infant's is selfish.

Stop focusing so much on your DIL and start to examine your own self, perhaps checking out CODA meetings. Good luck.
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Old 05-30-2018, 08:26 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,098 posts, read 3,918,635 times
Reputation: 18766
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kibbiekat View Post
I remember your other post, too. I'm sorry they treat you this way. It sounds like they are terrible hosts. Asking you to wait in a parking lot is beyond ridiculous.

If you son does invite you for the next occasion, I'd decline. I'd decline and tell him that you don't feel welcome in their home, that you can't comply with all their requirements. I might tell him that if he wants to see you or wants his child to know her grandmother that he can bring her to visit you.

^^This^^
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Old 06-04-2018, 05:50 AM
 
562 posts, read 467,297 times
Reputation: 681
Personally I would seek the other grandparents out and get on better terms with them. When they go to visit try to rent a air bnb together making it cheaper for you. I would never spend the night in their house again. At a hotel you can rest and do as you please without them criticizing you. But I too would take a step back and not contact them let them contact you first. But I would send Cards to my grandchild.
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Old 06-07-2018, 09:13 PM
 
6,013 posts, read 2,695,607 times
Reputation: 5215
Quote:
Originally Posted by hellosherry View Post
Have you looked into possibly having codependency issues and a formerly enmeshed relationship with your son? Saying you were married to a drug addict and then describe an unhealthy dynamic of you and your son surviving together, almost like your new, replacement spouse rather than your child, rings bells for me of a disordered relationship.

Your need to blame your DIL instead of looking at your own role and your relationship with your son is a convenient scapegoat for you. Staying at their house twice a year is a huge imposition. Caring for a child is extremely exhausting, and you belittled her role as a mother saying she only has one child and doesn't even work. That is insulting to all stay at home mothers. A new mom is usually sleep deprived and exhausted and the baby's nap time is so important to moms. Interrupting the nap would drive any new mom over the edge. A baby can cry for hours until they finally go down for a nap, and a slight noise can wake them and make them cry again and become agitated. If you want to rest as soon as you arrive, you can go to a hotel. Demanding for your needs to take priority over an infant's is selfish.

Stop focusing so much on your DIL and start to examine your own self, perhaps checking out CODA meetings. Good luck.
The bolded is ridiculous.

Especially when you are talking about a grandmother staying at the home of her son and grandchild.

Who raised people like you?
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