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Old 05-30-2018, 08:50 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
7,547 posts, read 3,212,345 times
Reputation: 15718

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Grandparents have no rights in Florida and little to none in many other states. My poor granddaughter (9) lives with a sorry excuse for a mother. She has 3 kids by different fathers and is a pathological liar about anything & everything no matter how insignificant. My son is my granddaughter's father although technically he is not the biological father but he has been there since she was born and since his name is on the birth certificate he is legally her father.


Anyway to try and make this more like Reader's Digest and not War and Peace here are the highlights.
GD's mother will be called "M".. M & my son split up when GD was a year old when M hooked up with baby daddy # 2. She left my GD with my son and moved in with #2 and his parents. Then took GD back when she was about 2. Baby daddy #2 was jealous of my son and put a stop to letting my GD see us. We finally had to go to court to get my son's visitation restored. Baby daddy #2 is now in jail for drugs and has been for 4 years. My GD hated living there with #2 and his parents. M went along with anything that was done because she had no job, a baby and a 2 year old and she wouldn't go back & live with her parents because she wouldn't obey their rules.


Now she is living with baby daddy #3 and his parents which is her usual MO. (Finally had a tubal ligation). His parents weren't thrilled about taking in M and her two other children and they made no bones about it EXCEPT to DCF when they told them they were fine with it.


Now to the important part. My son dropped off GD back to their house Monday. Baby daddy #3 and my son had words about something stupid that transpired and were yelling at each other. My son told my GD, "I'm sorry we yelled in front of you but this is not your fault." At which point Baby daddy #3's mother turns to my GD and yells at her "no, this IS YOUR FAULT". I couldn't even believe my ears when my son told me this morning and I'm horrified that this woman would say such a thing. My son wanted to take his daughter out of there but was afraid the cops would be called and it would be a whole thing. When I heard this I told him to call DCF and he told me he has done that numerous times and they never call him back. They have a court date the end of June to release M from any further supervision and my son plans on telling them what happened.


What kind of a person does this? Is there really nothing that can be done regarding DCF? I don't have enough experience to know but isn't what this woman did considered psychological damage or I am blowing this out of proportion? My heart breaks for my GD as she has been shuffled from one place to another including living with her maternal grandparents when M lost her parental rights for awhile due to her drugging & drinking. (She's still drinking and is not allowed to drive her children anywhere). I know what it's like to live in a dysfunctional household and I'm afraid of what is happening to her emotionally and psychologically. Any constructive advice would be appreciated.
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Old 05-30-2018, 09:18 AM
 
Location: South Carolina
12,567 posts, read 16,885,471 times
Reputation: 21018
You need to make dcf aware that you are willing to take your gd in and give her a stable environment and tell dcf you don't feel that the mother is providing a stable environment and just wanted to let them know that there is another home available , yours . That is about all you can do or you can go to court and file for custody of the granddaughter and remember you will have to get a family lawyer to do so .I pray this all works out for you and the lil girl and your son . Mom sounds like a real piece of trash .
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Old 05-30-2018, 11:38 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
7,547 posts, read 3,212,345 times
Reputation: 15718
Thank you - I believe that is what I will do. The funny thing is the mother called me a few weeks ago during a rare sober moment and thanked me for always being a positive influence in my granddaughter's life.


I already had a home visit from DCF back in the fall when I bought this house. The problem is that it is only a 2 bedroom; I have one bedroom and my son has another. DCF frowns on GD not having her own room or at least her own bed. But we discussed if we try to get GD back full time, my son will have to sleep on the sofa bed until I can afford a bigger house.
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Old 05-30-2018, 12:58 PM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
4,331 posts, read 4,464,362 times
Reputation: 9627
Has your son considered talking to an attorney about his chances of gaining full physical custody?

Quote:
Originally Posted by chiluvr1228 View Post
I already had a home visit from DCF back in the fall when I bought this house. The problem is that it is only a 2 bedroom; I have one bedroom and my son has another. DCF frowns on GD not having her own room or at least her own bed. But we discussed if we try to get GD back full time, my son will have to sleep on the sofa bed until I can afford a bigger house.
Could you rent out your house, and then rent a three bedroom apartment for the three of you?

You may have already considered these options, I'm just throwing out ideas.
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Old 05-31-2018, 06:16 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
7,547 posts, read 3,212,345 times
Reputation: 15718
He is going to call Legal Aide this week. That's what he had to do to get visitation back 4 years ago. As far as renting out my house and renting a 3 bedroom apartment that wouldn't work for us for a lot of reasons. I will have to put my son on the sofa bed for the time being until I can afford to sell and move or until he can afford his own place.


My biggest question is am I overreacting to what this woman said to my granddaughter?
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Old 05-31-2018, 06:39 AM
 
422 posts, read 176,163 times
Reputation: 842
Quote:
Originally Posted by chiluvr1228 View Post

My biggest question is am I overreacting to what this woman said to my granddaughter?

Yes. (Said gently, no offense meant. It was not right for her to say but any means, but you know sticks and stones).
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Old 05-31-2018, 09:00 AM
 
Location: Northern Virginia
4,331 posts, read 4,464,362 times
Reputation: 9627
Quote:
Originally Posted by ihatetodust View Post
Yes. (Said gently, no offense meant. It was not right for her to say but any means, but you know sticks and stones).
Children are young and impressionable. If an adult says it, they are likely to believe it. Words can hurt badly, and can cause lasting damage when said repeatedly. Abuse is not just physical (sticks and stones).

OP, I can't know if you are overreacting. I do know saying something like that to a child is mean and spiteful. Hopefully, your son was able to calm his anger and immediately reassure his daughter that was not true.

And they all need to not fight in front of this child.
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Old 05-31-2018, 09:19 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
7,547 posts, read 3,212,345 times
Reputation: 15718
Yes thank you - I told my son that my granddaughter doesn't need to hear or see adults fighting like that. It's one thing to have a discussion but the three of them are loud when they get to arguing.
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