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Old 08-10-2018, 07:39 PM
 
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^^ I have a cousin who homeschools. Early on she kept testing the programs until she found one that didn't require them to check in daily/weekly with the staff. The 3rd kid "graduated" this summer. Over the years, we'd ask about the curriculum and testing and she'd just laugh and say all of that isn't necessary. She and her husband are major control freaks.

Last edited by winterbird; 08-10-2018 at 07:48 PM..

 
Old 08-10-2018, 07:52 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,867 posts, read 32,642,286 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostnip View Post
What, like zombies?
No, way worse than zombies. Like accident victims, victims of horrible crimes, that sort of thing. Really realistic and gory stuff - like think paramedics and zombies and worse.
 
Old 08-10-2018, 08:01 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,867 posts, read 32,642,286 times
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To clarify about the homeschooling:


I could be wrong about this but this is how I understand it:

My oldest daughter homeschools BUT she is part of a very defined military homeschooling group. She has a curriculum. Her kids have other coaches and teachers that they answer to. My daughter turns their tests etc in to some sort of oversight group as well as the state. Her kids are flourishing. They are involved in extra curricular activities, outside tutoring, etc. My daughter is accountable for their testing, their grades, etc. They live in military housing, have military ID's, their dad is active duty, etc. They are super involved in their community.

My youngest daughter's kids are off the radar. They have never registered for school in our state. I seriously doubt that my youngest daughter has had them even vaccinated. No food stamps or whatever. I doubt seriously that the state even knows these kids exist. They don't even live in a neighborhood. They are incredibly isolated and now she has cut them off even from extended family.

It is a terrible situation. I wonder sometimes if there's someone I should call but wow, I hate to stir the pot because though I worry about their isolation, I am sure that there are cases of more serious abuse than this.
 
Old 08-10-2018, 08:02 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
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Quote:
Originally Posted by winterbird View Post
Shakespeare's Viola - "O time, thou must untangle this, not I. It is too hard a knot for me to untie!"
Once again, thanks - believe me, I am really thinking through everything you post.
 
Old 08-11-2018, 03:32 PM
 
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Sure thing. The quote above provided me some relief during a particularly difficult time; just thought I'd share it. Dealing w/ estrangement is so difficult. Hopefully a tip or suggestion makes sense and is worth a shot, moving you closer to the goal.
 
Old 08-11-2018, 04:10 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,867 posts, read 32,642,286 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by winterbird View Post
Sure thing. The quote above provided me some relief during a particularly difficult time; just thought I'd share it. Dealing w/ estrangement is so difficult. Hopefully a tip or suggestion makes sense and is worth a shot, moving you closer to the goal.
Well, it's helpful. Thank you very much. I'm just hoping and praying. And I am praying now - just that she is happy and healthy, along with her kids.
 
Old 08-11-2018, 05:05 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
Well, it's helpful. Thank you very much. I'm just hoping and praying. And I am praying now - just that she is happy and healthy, along with her kids.
Unless the husband/father is absolutely clueless, I would hope that when he is home his one day a week he would be able to see if there were major problems. Even if his wife tries to hide that the children aren't actually being homeschooled (if that is the case) eventually he would pick up on the fact that there aren't any textbooks or learning materials in the home (if that is the case) and his children do not appear to gaining skills. And, if she is "too deep" into macabre & violent cosplay, he should be able to notice that as well

Good luck to you and your family.
 
Old 08-11-2018, 05:16 PM
 
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Sorry to hear this is going on KoA

Perhaps if there is anything to inheritance/frequency of Mental Illness in some family lines, your daughter may have something of your mother in her make up that is coming out at this time in her life. Not meant as an insult but an explanation.

You may be the target but you may very well not be the reason other than as a trigger somewhere in her mind.

It hurts, but some things are bigger than we are and maybe you can let God handle this in His time.

+++

Wonder about the husband. Are you on terms with him where he might turn to you when the boulder of reality hits him on the head?

Good luck

Best
 
Old 08-11-2018, 06:33 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
40,867 posts, read 32,642,286 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by theoldnorthstate View Post
Sorry to hear this is going on KoA

Perhaps if there is anything to inheritance/frequency of Mental Illness in some family lines, your daughter may have something of your mother in her make up that is coming out at this time in her life. Not meant as an insult but an explanation.

You may be the target but you may very well not be the reason other than as a trigger somewhere in her mind.

It hurts, but some things are bigger than we are and maybe you can let God handle this in His time.

+++

Wonder about the husband. Are you on terms with him where he might turn to you when the boulder of reality hits him on the head?

Good luck

Best
Thank you - and yes, I do think she's probably got some DNA that puts her at a higher risk for mental health issues, considering that my mother is bipolar, and my brother is schizophrenic, and it goes back down that line as far as we can trace it. Like one of each generation of kids gets it. I'm not exaggerating but it's very sad. I feel like basically I dodged a bullet. I didn't know all this when I was having kids by the way - it came out later.

Anyway, her husband is from a family even more dysfunctional than my own or my daughter's own. His mother abandoned him when he was a little boy - left him with her parents and disappeared. She is also mentally ill. She resurfaced when he was an older teen. He has spent a lifetime yearning for her but also running from her if that makes sense.

He is extremely extremely introverted and withdrawn, so I don't know how he's handling any of this. I sent him a text message after the big blow up and told him we love him and consider him family and if he ever wants to have a relationship or talk about anything, we're here. My daughter immediately texted me saying "You leave my husband out of this and never contact him again," and I told her, "Sorry, but that directive will need to come from him, not you." I never heard anything one way or the other from him.

But my phone number is the same number I've had for at least 15 years. Same with my email address. I'm very easy to find if anyone wants to ever contact me.

It's tough but I'm working at just letting it go and letting God have it.
 
Old 08-13-2018, 11:31 AM
 
2,634 posts, read 678,392 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostnip View Post
What, like zombies?
I know right! I'm trying to think of what the hobby of cosplaying has to do with disturbing? Tons of people are into it, and it's fun. It's like anything people do as entertainment or hobbies. She could actually make a living making cosplay outfits from home and selling them if she was interested. If she has some mental issues it's probably really good for her to have something to relieve anxiety.


Kathryn O.P.
That said, I think it's just PC BS. She's probably into those extreme left twitter feeds or something. A lot of the young adults are "choosing their families now", and kicking out the ones who don't see eye to eye on everything they feel. I've had friends recently that got rid of their friends who weren't on the same political track as them and feel completely justified. It's stupid. I have black republican friends who are told they are uncle toms, etc. It's just getting ridiculous.

You might just have to let it go and spend your time enjoying the other grandchildren until she gets into something new down the road. She's obviously obsessive compulsive. There is nothing you can do about it, she'll need to see a therapist when she's ready.

The grandkid hitting herself might have some autism and she's self-harming to handle extreme emotions. Autistics aren't good at handling emotions. They get overloaded and hit themselves. While it's disturbing to see, it's not usually a sign of bad parenting, and they can just as likely hit themselves when they do bad at a video game, or someone tells them their homework is done wrong. Your daughter has her hands full if this is the case, and I can see why she chose to homeschool as a lot of schools provide a difficult social time for autistics. She's probably a pretty good mom, as good as humans can be.

My advice, get a hobby, visit your other grandkids and keep your door open. Let her know you'll always be there for her if she decides a relationship with you is something she would like in the future. Stop beating yourself from head to toe, we aren't perfect, and that is a lesson she'll have to learn through her own parenting and trust me, she will. If I were you, I'd concentrate on enjoying the rest of your life, and live on a day to day basis. No what if's, no visiting the past or planning the future. Just enjoy today. You have my sympathy.
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