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Old 09-01-2018, 09:20 AM
Location: here
24,469 posts, read 28,723,874 times
Reputation: 31039


Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
I am very sad about my daughter's decision to cut us out of her life. But you're right, it's totally her decision because my decision is that I will simply not tolerate that level of rude, dysfunctional behavior from anyone.

You know, what if she was stealing from us? Should we tolerate that just to have a relationship? What if she was a KKK member and came over wearing racist T shirts or whatever, and wanted to talk about KKK stuff all the time - should we tolerate that in our own home just to have a relationship?

Let's turn the tables - what if I was a white supremacist and wanted to go over to her house and spout off white supremacist jargon all day long? Would it be reasonable to say to her, "Well, if you want to have a relationship with your white supremacist mother, then you'll just have to put up with that."

Everyone has their limits - or should, I guess.
The fact that you think this is comparable proves you've learned nothing from this conversation.

Old 09-01-2018, 09:46 AM
Location: Wonderland
40,861 posts, read 32,642,286 times
Reputation: 56969
Originally Posted by Riley09swb View Post
I think you need to stop comparing her marriage and behavior to your marriage to her dad. She made a mistake in confiding in you about her husband. She shouldn't have done that.

Maybe they were going through a rough patch and he was drinking was stress related. Maybe he was cheating on her and she associated that with the job. So she wanted him to get a new one that brought him closer to home. It's not sinister.

Do you compare her to her father a lot? The way she acts and the things she does?
Nope, not till recently, and then not to her face. The similarities in dynamics didn't register with me till recently (like the last few months before she cut me off completely). No way was I going to potentially start a firestorm.

It would be almost impossible not to notice the similarities though. I mean, it took me a long time, because for many years she was mild mannered and seemed to be happy generally. It was as things started going off the tracks that I noticed similarities in personality and dynamics.
Old 09-01-2018, 09:56 AM
Location: Wonderland
40,861 posts, read 32,642,286 times
Reputation: 56969
Originally Posted by Aredhel View Post
I agree with all of this. The only problem is that IF the daughter isn’t simply angry but is having some sort of mental breakdown or is becoming an emotionally manipulative/abusive person like her father, this leaves the grandkids high and dry. But absent firm evidence that Child Protective Services needs to become involved, that’s probably unavoidable. (Walking away and letting the daughter be would be a whole lot easier emotionally if the grandkids were enrolled in public school - at least KA would know other adults had their eyes on them, the kids had friends, and they were actually following a real educational curriculum.)
This - a huge part of my concern is the isolation of the kids. I have not exaggerated that at all. To recap, here's the situation:

They don't live in a neighborhood - there are no other houses around, only an industrial park.

The kids are not enrolled and have never been enrolled in school in Texas. I am not even sure the state of Texas knows these kids exist.

They do not attend a church. They are not part of any homeschooling co-op. They have lived here for nearly five years and up till a year and a half ago (when my daughter cut us off), the kids literally had zero friends. Zero. They told me this repeatedly. They would get so excited if I took them to the park and they would meet someone and play with them that afternoon - they'd get back in the car talking excitedly about "their new friend," though they had no way of ever contacting them again.

Also, right before the big blow out, my daughter had confided to me that she hadn't realized it but her kids had not been completing their online lessons - for weeks. Which implies to me that she had not been monitoring their "homeschooling" much at all.

And she doesn't use a regular sort of curriculum either - the type where you turn in assignments and are tested by the state, accountable to an outside source, that sort of thing.

My daughter is very introverted in person. She does not enjoy socializing. She lives online - she makes videos constantly and creates very complex and detailed cosplay costumes which have to take hours and hours every week to put together, then she makes the videos (usually several costumes and videos per week) and posts them. She also makes and posts videos reviewing wigs, giving makeup and beauty tips, etc. Now - she has FOUR KIDS between the ages of 3 and 13 - and she homeschools supposedly. Wow.

Her kids are bright, and two of the four enjoyed several years of public school prior to her homeschooling them. So they already knew how to read, write, do basic math, etc. They're very tech savvy too. So potential deficits wouldn't be immediately obvious.

It's very concerning. But I hate to interfere because I don't even know what they've been doing school wise for at least a year and a half.

I do not think they are neglected needs wise. I don't think they are physically abused. I don't think they are ever hungry. I mean, there are many many more pressing needs for Child Protective Services to investigate and plus, I don't want to create a firestorm that my daughter would never, ever forgive me for and which would probably greatly upset the kids. It's just a very concerning issue to me from an emotional point of view as well as educational.
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