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Old 11-22-2018, 11:52 PM
Location: Southwest Washington State
19,339 posts, read 12,771,824 times
Reputation: 25331


This is not behavior that one forgets about. It a choice. She is trying to teach the young one to stop hitting the older child. Why she thinks this a good way to do it, I cannot fathom.

You and your husband need to present a united front on this, but it is up to him to tell his mom that the kids will not be visiting for awhile.

In the meantime, teach youger kid that hitting is not acceptable behavior. You and he need to tell her how she will be penalized whenever she hits, and then follow through.
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Old 11-23-2018, 12:49 AM
Location: planet earth
3,286 posts, read 1,166,537 times
Reputation: 7329
Wow. That is child abuse.

Why would you leave your children with a known abuser?

It doesn't matter what her "reason" is or if she confesses.

This is terrible.
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Old 11-23-2018, 05:33 AM
5,009 posts, read 2,246,926 times
Reputation: 12793
Originally Posted by veuvegirl View Post
I agree she didnít forget. I wouldnít let her watch the kids anymore, she canít be trusted.
^^^THIS^^^ in a nutshell.

I'm dismayed that you OP continue to say one thing yet your actions (in being passive) counteract your "not condoning" it theory. clearly you do condone it...time and again.....

BE a better advocate for your children.
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Old 11-23-2018, 08:03 AM
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
39,921 posts, read 38,413,499 times
Reputation: 75271
Originally Posted by TaraTed View Post

What should I do? Should I stop letting her watch kids As often as she does?
Duh ... yeah.

What the heck is wrong with you, "Mom"? Think for a minute how humiliating and powerless it felt for your child to be held down by her grandmother ... and then hear her tell her bigger sister to hit her?? More than once ? Are you serious with this post?

You can't sacrifice your child's sense of self and security just because the babysitting is convenient for YOU. Snap out of it and stand up for your child.

This passivity of yours is obviously carrying over into how you teach your kids to interact as well, and whatever you're doing to "deal with" your child's behavior isn't working.

You and your husband may want to ask your pediatrician about getting professional help to get your parenting skills in order. Or maybe seek counseling for yourself to find out why your MIL's behavior isn't setting off alarm bells in your own mind.
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Old 11-23-2018, 08:19 AM
2,598 posts, read 1,128,591 times
Reputation: 10091
She is not forgetting , not buying that at all.

My children were not allowed to abuse each other, they hit each other they were sent to their room , or time out or not allowed to play with each for an hour. They grew up not hitting. Your children are old enough now they should know not to hit. That is the first problem and the second is These grandparents have been told enough times and they have ignored. Time to have a consequence and remove the children from unsupervised visits until your in laws respect your wishes. I too think you need to talk to the pediatrician or a family counselor because you need help in teaching your children not to hit and teaching the grandparents to respect your wishes. The way they handled it the first time should have been enough.

You teach people how to treat you by what you accept and don’t accept.
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Old 11-23-2018, 08:24 AM
Location: Bloomington IN
5,969 posts, read 7,206,619 times
Reputation: 14369
As I understand your post, she's done this three times? First time, I would consider it a big mistake, and she confessed. Second time she did it--well maybe she "forgot." The third time would be the last time it happened. Time to inconvenience yourself and husband--no more overnights or visits to grandma's for awhile.

How is a 5 year old supposed to learn that hitting is not okay when her grandmother holds her down so her sister can kick her? That's just crazy and abusive.
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