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How often do you pick up the phone and reach out to your daughter?
A lot . But she doesn’t usually pick up. When she needs something she texts. As a example I spent all yesterday with the grandkids and called her after her hubby had taken them home to relate a cute anecdote and she didn’t pick up.
I’ve mentioned to her before that I would like to speak to her more often and please pick up the phone when I call and she says “mom I’m busy”.
Last edited by mercedesmarcelina158; 06-08-2019 at 08:56 AM..
A lot . But she doesn’t usually pick up. When she needs something she texts. As a example I spent all yesterday with the grandkids and called her after her hubby had taken them home to relate a cute anecdote and she didn’t pick up.
I’ve mentioned to her before that I would like to speak to her more often and please pick up the phone when I call and she says “mom I’m busy”.
Then text her, since that's how she reaches out to you. Don't call.
She probably will be more likely to respond to you when she has time.
OP is trying to decide whether being around her sisters or her granddaughter is more important.
That's a tough one.
Are the two other sisters who are moving starting to look at homes yet? Perhaps going with them and imagining life with only occasional visits from the granddaughter will help with her decision.
One thing that came to mind is that if he daughter is too busy to answer the phone, she may well be too busy to help with problems such as medical emergencies, etc. as the OP and her husband age.
Start by looking at what choice would be best for you and your husband without worrying about what choice someone else might prefer you to make at the present time. Your grandchildren will venture out into activities away from the family as they get older and will almost certainly be less interested in spending large amounts of time with even their closest family members. As someone else pointed out, your daughter is busy now and you need to consider whether she will be available should you need help as you get older. Will there be more support in a different location with other family members?
In any event, even though your grandchildren certainly love you very much and currently enjoy having you nearby, any dismay at your moving away is more about what they want than what is best for you. It is the nature of children to be selfish and self-focused, so while you naturally do not want to make them sad, you still need to be realistic about what choice will serve you and your husband best as you age.
DH and I are not very socially active either, other than with extended family, many live between 1-4 hours away. My 2 sisters locally work full time and although we speak daily, we only see each other at family functions.
This is the part that stood out to me.
In a new place, the OP can build a social life that doesn't depend on family. And when her sisters do make the move, the more the merrier.
I wouldn't change my plans solely on what a 6 year old wants. But OP, you are clearly somewhat ambivalent too, so it's not just what your granddaughter wants. I also get the sense that some of this is being driven by the fact that you are hurt that your daughter doesn't give you as much attention as you'd like - while it's very understandable that you are hurt by that, I don't think you should move a couple of hundred miles away just because of that.
Another person whose opinion I wonder about is your younger sister. You said that you pretty much only socialize with family so is she prepared to be your sole social outlet in the new area? It will be a little different when your other sisters also retire and move there, so there will naturally be more family interactions. But it sounds like you might end up relying on your younger sister perhaps a little more than she might be ready for until that happens.
I will say that I'm personally biased because I moved to live near my parents and allow for my son to have a very close relationship with them, and I'm so glad for his sake that I did. He's a teen now, and my dad has passed away, but his grandson was the absolute apple of his eye and their relationship was a gift for both of them. And my son is still close to his grandmother - I'm a single working mom, so she still helps get him to some of his various activities and they spend time together, just the two of them, and I think that's a good thing for both of them. I'm not suggesting you need to wait another decade to move, but I do think your relationship with your grands is a special thing that is worth taking into account when making this decision, and for now, I think the proximity does really help. 4 hours away is too long for a day trip, so you are not going to be able to make all the soccer games and school concerts and parties and other activities the same way you can now, and that will be a loss for both you and the grandkids. Is what you'd be getting out of the move enough to outweigh that? Maybe it is, but it's something to think about.
Last edited by emm74; 06-08-2019 at 01:18 PM..
Reason: them, not him
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