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We give major gifts at Christmas and birthdays. But I buy small token gifts at other times too. We let them choose toys, which we bought, to keep at our house for when they visit. I let granddaughter choose paper dolls to play with at our house. I told grandson I'd buy him a pen he likes. We buy games for them to play on our old Iphones
DH is a soft touch. I tend to set limits.
We do not give gifts for Valentine's or other occasions.
But I don't mind spoiling them a bit. We do say "no" sometimes.
I’m left with the feeling that unless the generations live in the same house, all our expectations are doomed to disappoint.
Not necessarily. We were raised in Ohio and then some of us scattered elsewhere; parents moved to Myrtle Beach when DS was 3. They had other grandchildren as well. Maybe it was the location; they had lots of visitors! They never were lavish with gifts to the grandchildren; they sent us checks at Christmas to buy stuff for the kids but they weren't life-changing amounts I was fine with that. One of my nieces baked pies with Mom at Christmas and Thanksgiving. All of the nieces and nephews have memories of walks on the beach, swimming in the pool at their club and (for those into it) golfing. Even as adults, the grandkids would visit when they were in the area. They made it to every HS and college graduation no matter where it was. When Mom died, some of the things people cared about most were her cookbooks with all her hand-written notes even though she had a lot of very good jewelry.
I'm 3 hours from my own grandchildren. Their other grandparents are almost as far away and the kids have good relationships with all of us. I see them only every couple of months. The jury is still out, of course- they're very young- but I hope they'll have good memories and stay in contact as adults.
And give the 1 1/2- year old a little more time. My younger granddaughter took awhile to warm up to me and at one point didn't even want me to hold her- but now we're besties. I think it's the cake pops at Starbucks!
We have a new one who is 1 1/2. We are 4 hours away. We visit back and forth, but still, she only warms up to us as we are leaving.
Mine is the same age. Although I live less than a half hour away, circumstances prevent me seeing her more than a couple of times a month (if that) anywhere from 40 minutes to a couple of hours at most. (It's complicated.)
The other grandmother has pretty much lived in her pocket (metaphorically speaking, lol; they live 5 miles from my son and DIL) literally from birth and so she is super close to my DIL's mom. I very much doubt that my GD realizes that I'm a family member rather than an occasional visitor, in fact. In fact I'm sure she doesn't.
There has been some small progress though: Up until she was a year or so old, I wouldn't even get a smile from her until the end of a visit. But lately she warms up enough to do that after I've been there for about 15 or 20 minutes. She won't go to me of her own accord though, and doesn't want to be picked up or held by anyone but my DIL's mom (her first choice always) or my DIL or (if all three of them are there) her dad.
I am assuming that as she gets older and can understand/communicate better, she'll eventually learn that she has more than one grandmother, lol.
I like to pick up little inexpensive surprises to give my grandsons when I see them (unfortunately only one or two weekends a month during the school year). During the summer, when I'm off (I'm a school cafeteria cook), I babysit them during the work week and bring something different every time I come...monster bubble makers, foam (safe) lawn darts, water balloon sets, kites, sidewalk chalk, or water pistols (DD, their mom, wasn't happy with those). Usually odds and ends I pick up at the Dollar Store or clearance aisle at Walmart that I think they might like and provide some fun activities for us to do together. They always get so excited to see what "Nanny" brought. Sometimes neat clothes from my favorite Thrift Shop...I recently found a pair of brand new Minecraft pj's for oldest, and a triceratops t-shirt for youngest (he loves dinosaurs). Only a couple of dollars, and they were thrilled with them.
DH is notorious for randomly picking up toys for them very cheaply at yard and estate sales. They've accumulated a huge plastic bin of Lincoln Logs (about 5 or 6 sets), enough to build a whole town. They have TWO bins of Thomas the Tank Engine tracks he picked up here and there...different styles of track, but with adapters so they can all be hooked together. Plus the Shake Shake bridge, airport, quarry, Tidsmouth Sheds, etc. He brought them a whole bag of battery operated Thomas trains (he paid $10 for a dozen of them). Last summer, we put together all the track and had the railroad going around their entire great room and kitchen.
All this aside, we don't go hog wild at birthdays and Christmas...it will usually be clothes and a toy. And I always make their birthday cake. For oldest grandson's upcoming birthday, DH and I are giving him clothes and the Sorting Hat from Harry Potter (and a Harry Potter themed birthday cake). For youngest grandson's third birthday, we gave him clothes and a Play Doh Poop Maker (my idea...DD wasn't thrilled with that either).
Every Christmas, I do get to spend most of my two weeks' vacation at their house. We have fun playing with all the new (and old) toys.
Last edited by Mrs. Skeffington; 11-04-2019 at 10:51 PM..
I like to pick up little inexpensive surprises to give my grandsons when I see them (unfortunately only one or two weekends a month during the school year). During the summer, when I'm off (I'm a school cafeteria cook), I babysit them during the work week and bring something different every time I come...monster bubble makers, foam (safe) lawn darts, water balloon sets, kites, sidewalk chalk, or water pistols (DD, their mom, wasn't happy with those).
Your thoughts and creativity are more important than what you spend! I should add that I bring my granddaughters sparklers and poppers in warm weather- nothing more dangerous because I don't want to start fires in the neighborhood or blow off a finger. They're now at an age where they can be trusted to hold the sparkler as it burns, then put the spent end into a jar of water.
They also love bath bombs- a particular brand that has a cheap toy in the middle. Very overpriced at $6 or so (basically a tennis-ball-sized mass of epsom salts, citric acid and coloring) and it's not something DS and DDIL, who are very thrifty, would buy, but it's a small extravagance for me and a big thrill for the girls.
Mine is the same age. Although I live less than a half hour away, circumstances prevent me seeing her more than a couple of times a month (if that) anywhere from 40 minutes to a couple of hours at most. (It's complicated.)
The other grandmother has pretty much lived in her pocket (metaphorically speaking, lol; they live 5 miles from my son and DIL) literally from birth and so she is super close to my DIL's mom. I very much doubt that my GD realizes that I'm a family member rather than an occasional visitor, in fact. In fact I'm sure she doesn't.
There has been some small progress though: Up until she was a year or so old, I wouldn't even get a smile from her until the end of a visit. But lately she warms up enough to do that after I've been there for about 15 or 20 minutes. She won't go to me of her own accord though, and doesn't want to be picked up or held by anyone but my DIL's mom (her first choice always) or my DIL or (if all three of them are there) her dad.
I am assuming that as she gets older and can understand/communicate better, she'll eventually learn that she has more than one grandmother, lol.
As time goes by, she'll get to know you better, and her excitement when she sees you will be amazing. Their faces light up like Christmas and they run to you shouting whatever name they have for you. When they are old enough to recognize your voice and talk on the phone (or Skype) is nice, too.
DH doesn't spend a lot of time at DD's and son-in-law's house during the summer and school vacations like I do, but he helps DD at her business during the week (where DD takes youngest when I'm working my seasonal job and oldest is at school). He can't tell time yet, but automatically knows when to watch through the front windows every afternoon for "Pappy's" car. And DH will give him whatever fun item he's picked up at an estate or yard sale, and DD gets constantly miffed about the clutter of toys, books, and puzzles that ends up accumulating in her back office. Then they'll take a walk (around the building) and do fun stuff like pick flowers (weeds) for Mommy and float leaves down the storm sewer.
Grandsons' other grandparents live only one mile from them, yet they see them much less frequently. DD's FIL (a carpenter) spends time at their house when he's helping them with a construction project (but the kids can't go near due to safety issues), and MIL's job requires her to work a lot more than I do, so she has less free time. They'll all go over to in-laws' house a couple of Sunday afternoons a month, but DD has issues with that (namely because of cigarette smoke and dog hair).
Last edited by Mrs. Skeffington; 11-05-2019 at 09:57 PM..
We have a Honda CRV. Last Christmas I could not figure out how to pack the car with the presents for our then 3.5 yo granddaughter, her son and his wife. I had to drop the back seats down and the car was filled to the roof. I think there was one gift bag for her daughter, but she was shipping to Army boot camp on Jan 2 so she only got one gift bag. There is no appreciation of gifts from the child. Just rip of the paper, toss it aside and open the next one, toss it aside and open the next one. Wife just doesn't know when to stop buying. We actually have a big bag of stuff that wife forgot to bring last August for the kid's birthday. Wife is under a perceived notion that the granddaughter likes dragons. She gets that notion because wife buys every dragon toy she sees and gives it to the girl . Dragons and Unicorns. I just checked the bag. At least 4 dragon or unicorn toys, a Unicorn Beach Blanket that she was supposed to get for her August birthday along with a sand bucket and a stack of Disney plastic cups. "Oma" hasn't started Christmas shopping yet. Does it stop if a second grandchild comes along or will I have to rent a trailer? Actually, this should be our last Christmas in CT. Then we will be 1,400 miles away. Should put an end to the excess.
When my oldest was born, he got a little sumpin sumpin from my parents every time they saw him. LOL He was their first grandchild. And ANYTIME they saw something cute...they got it for my son.
As more grandbabies came along, and the budget had to stretch, that died down to birthdays and Christmas.
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