Grandma refuses to let 21 y/o stay temporarily (parents, kids, old)
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So quick to judge! How many so called friends has one had and when push came to shove all of a sudden they had a barrage of excuses?
Again so judgmental! We do not know he OP this is the net, I feel very sad about peeps asking for advice only to get the "raw truth" based on presumptions. I do not know about you but I partied moderately while in College and this in no way made me a bad person, I enjoyed my time in college! I was married and we both went out and had a blast! For some "kids" this is their first exposure to actual freedom I think some of us forget what it was like to be young and in college! Partying did not mean bad grades, the OP had been on their own since 19 and was capable of holding down a job @ 14! The crazy part I am having a hard time dealing with is how everyone overlooked the reality of the 40 yr old male exec who is still leeching off mommy! And obviously does not have the maturity or the bearings to be on his own @ 40? This to me is very scary! And others stated that this is the gma's son and very different? Why would it be any different? When the grandaughter is being allowed to visit and they will be going on vacation? Isn't the OP's mother a daughter which would make the OP a grandchild asking to stay there for 2 months? WOW!
You seem to be the only one who GETS IT!
You are able to see between the lines in this story and that I am appreciative. I came here with a genuine complaint and some of the responses have made me look very bad...all I hear is "partied, over my means, immature, and wanting to freeload".
Those adjectives dont describe me and for these posters to say that is kind of painful...although I KNOW IT'S NOT THE TRUTH
Yes, moving to a cheaper area is a good idea, but your credits may not all transfer between schools. Universities love to screw undergrads over as hard as they can, then they ask you for money when you get a job. Ironic? Maybe.
If you don't sell the car, I'd keep it parked as much as possible. If you don't move it at all, you can get a PNO certificate (non-operation) for way less than normal registration costs (usually about $25). You can also cancel your insurance. It's illegal to drive a PNO vehicle that year (AND ALSO REALLY ILLEGAL TO DRIVE WITHOUT INSURANCE), but keep in mind that stuff only gets checked if you get pulled over or have an accident.
For one person, train and plane is usually cheaper than auto--even if you already bought the car, registration, and insurance. But not if you have passengers or stuff to haul.
Local bus is always cheaper than auto.
Bike/walk is cheapest of all.
...
Dollar stores and damaged goods stores sell cheap food. Try to find one with a produce section as a diet of only ramen and canned beans from mexico can eventually cause health problems.
thanks for the advice....but it's not happening. What if I was to tell you to sell something that you really cherished?
I'm not selling my car...I did the bus thing for 13 months...I'm not planning on doing it again unless I end up in NYC,London, Paris....and even then, it'll just be spending more time parked then driven.
Then it again...IM NOT MOVING TO ANY OF THE PLACES
No, not all city data members are negative and accusatory.
Just when they can see that someone is trying to sherk their responsibilities and making their own way and get mad at g/ma for not picking them up by the boot straps.
I kind of get a feeling from what was said by the OP that g/ma has a reason for not wanting him in her house.
The OP seems like he wants people to feel sorry for him, pat his back and kiss his boo boo.
If I was in your situation I would move to a cheaper city and get a job with tuition reimbursement.
It is kinda odd to me that someone who goes to a cc and supports them self is living the life style of the rich and famous.
Leave grandma alone and go grow up.
Agreed, grandma does not "owe" anyone a place to live, or any explanations. Op's feelings are hurt, anyone can understand that, but it is time to quit complaining and feeling sorry for himself/herself and let it go. Time to put it in perspective, like a grownup.
Grandma owns the home, Grandma has a right to say who stays in the home - end of story. OP's feelings are hurt, that is understandable, but this is Grandma's choice and she has the right to make it - she owes no one anything or any explanation.
And may I add . . . when it comes to expectations . . . best not to have many about other people, including relatives. People get into this who "who owes me what" mentality and it creates anger and discord . . . but the truth of it is . . . just b/c people are related, they don't owe each other anything - except respect.
Now, when it comes to suffering or parents who are elderly . . . that respect may be translated to some duty as an adult child - to act responsibly on the behalf of the parent. But as far as anyone "owing" any of us a thing . . . Nope.
I have seen families torn apart b/c adult children felt their parents' owed them something . . . or siblings who feel just b/c someone is their sister or brother - they owe them something. And the first thing people who feel entitled will say is "You are selfish." Yeah? There is nothing selfish about drawing boundaries and nothing selfish about not wanting to let another person into your space. Grandma has raised her family. She owes no one a thing.
And may I add . . . when it comes to expectations . . . best not to have many about other people, including relatives. People get into this who "who owes me what" mentality and it creates anger and discord . . . but the truth of it is . . . just b/c people are related, they don't owe each other anything - except respect.
Now, when it comes to suffering or parents who are elderly . . . that respect may be translated to some duty as an adult child - to act responsibly on the behalf of the parent. But as far as anyone "owing" any of us a thing . . . Nope.
I have seen families torn apart b/c adult children felt their parents' owed them something . . . or siblings who feel just b/c someone is their sister or brother - they owe them something. And the first thing people who feel entitled will say is "You are selfish." Yeah? There is nothing selfish about drawing boundaries and nothing selfish about not wanting to let another person into your space. Grandma has raised her family. She owes no one a thing.
you've got it all wrong. who said anything about owe? i never stated that...
It's called helping family, even the animal kingdom has the ability to do that.
Even Elephants create heards around to guard the 'grandchildren' Yes, elephants have grandparents...they live 70+ years.
If a grandma elephant can have the common sense to protect (when danger is around) the son/daughter of her son/daughter, the hell with people?
All this owe me crap I never even said. I wish the ones saying that would SHUTUP and re-read the freaking article over again and understand the point. True the last 2-3 sentences may be over-the-edge, but the rest you guys arent understanding.
Why dont y'all re-read the article and understand it's not about her owing meanything, its about the willingness to share something you may have EXTRA for someone TEMPORARILY so they can get back to being INDEPENDENT as they were. Besides, didnt I just ****ing say I was going to pay her? Get real people. GET REAL!
you've got it all wrong. who said anything about owe? i never stated that...
It's called helping family, even the animal kingdom has the ability to do that.
Even Elephants create heards around to guard the 'grandchildren' Yes, elephants have grandparents...they live 70+ years.
If a grandma elephant can have the common sense to protect (when danger is around) the son/daughter of her son/daughter, the hell with people?
All this owe me crap I never even said. I wish the ones saying that would SHUTUP and re-read the freaking article over again and understand the point. True the last 2-3 sentences may be over-the-edge, but the rest you guys arent understanding.
Why dont y'all re-read the article and understand it's not about her owing meanything, its about the willingness to share something you may have EXTRA for someone TEMPORARILY so they can get back to being INDEPENDENT as they were. Besides, didnt I just ****ing say I was going to pay her? Get real people. GET REAL!
Sighing heavily, as your temper tantrum is getting a bit tiring. Believe me, we understand plenty, it is YOU that lacks the ability to understand what we are saying to you.
We are trying to help you -but apparently you are just too young and immature to get that, or to even want to understand an adult perspective.
You may not have used the exact WORDS "grandma owes me", but YOUR ATTITUDE IS SCREAMING IT.
The mere fact that you expect that people are supposed to share their home with you just because you are related to them is an astounding entitlement mentality, signaling great immaturity. When you decide to "get real" about all this you'll be on the right path
you've got it all wrong. who said anything about owe? i never stated that...
It's called helping family, even the animal kingdom has the ability to do that.
Even Elephants create heards around to guard the 'grandchildren' Yes, elephants have grandparents...they live 70+ years.
If a grandma elephant can have the common sense to protect (when danger is around) the son/daughter of her son/daughter, the hell with people?
All this owe me crap I never even said. I wish the ones saying that would SHUTUP and re-read the freaking article over again and understand the point. True the last 2-3 sentences may be over-the-edge, but the rest you guys arent understanding.
Why dont y'all re-read the article and understand it's not about her owing meanything, its about the willingness to share something you may have EXTRA for someone TEMPORARILY so they can get back to being INDEPENDENT as they were. Besides, didnt I just ****ing say I was going to pay her? Get real people. GET REAL!
...and there is nothing you are doing or have done to bring this on yourself? Nothing about you that would make your own grandmother not want you around for even 2 weeks...in the garage...on an air matress? Nothing...? And your friends...not one wants to put you up...nobody? And there's nothing about you that could be the least bit off-putting? Nothing at all...?
Sighing heavily, as your temper tantrum is getting a bit tiring. Believe me, we understand plenty, it is YOU that lacks the ability to understand what we are saying to you.
We are trying to help you -but apparently you are just too young and immature to get that, or to even want to understand an adult perspective.
You may not have used the exact WORDS "grandma owes me", but YOUR ATTITUDE IS SCREAMING IT.
The mere fact that you expect that people are supposed to share their home with you just because you are related to them is an astounding entitlement mentality, signaling great immaturity. When you decide to "get real" about all this you'll be on the right path
You just want to defend her....are you her? Sounds like you may be her. If it is, sorry but I have to speak my mind.
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