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When we see our grandsons, we always defer to their Dad before we agree to things like giving them snacks, or if they don't feel well, any over the counter meds, etc.
Recently, we were on the phone chatting with one of our grandsons. He recently got a part-time job which his Dad is fine with as long as grandson keeps up with his schoolwork. Grandson saved his money to buy a good bike and helmet. However, he admitted to us that he never wears his helmet. He said he is careful when riding his bike. We pointed out that was good but he can't count on car drivers to always drive carefully as he uses bike lanes. He won't wear one when riding his bike to school because his school doesn't give them lockers and he doesn't want to lug the helmet around all day.
Of course, since we aren't his parents, we can't demand that he wear his helmet and we don't think his Dad is very concerned.
So...what to do? Say nothing more about it and hope for the best? Talk to his Dad about our concerns?
I appreciate feedback on this issue. In the past, when I wrote about how we intervened and made sure our grandsons were with their Dad due to the situation our daughter put them in, I got an anonymous rep comment accusing me of being self-centered and controlling (which was hurtful to me). Yet, it does concern us that our grandson is out on his bike without a helmet. Both of us want to do the right thing here.
I can't tell from your scenario if he lives with you from time to time or just periodically visits. If he lives with your and/or you are otherwise substantially responsible for his well-being for a period of time, then make it a rule as if you were the parent. If a) he's just an occasional visitor and there's nothing approximating a custodial relationship, and b) it's not a rule at his house, then don't force the issue.
Maybe say something like "don't forget your helmet!" every time he heads off on his bike when you're around. Keep doing it every time even if he ignores you; sometimes repetition helps it sink in better than brow-beating.
Our grandsons live at the other end of the country these days. We talk to them and their Dad once a week. Lately, we haven't been able to talk to the one with the helmet issue very much as he often is at work. When we do talk to him, he is very talkative about things that interest him.
Good idea about saying "Don't forget your helmet". We used to do something similar when they were younger. We used to say to them "Always remember to say please and thank you." Eventually, they got good at remembering to do that.
I didn't know about helmet locks and will mention them to him next time we talk.
Assuming these are “one size fits all” why not buy one on Amazon and have it shipped to him?
That's a good idea.^^^^
For an update---we talked to his Dad this weekend and he said that he is now making Grandson wear his helmet every time he rides his bike.
Sadly, however, Grandson was lax about locking up his bike when he went to his part-time job. He thought it would be fine if he hid it behind a sign but someone saw it and stole it. For Grandson, a very expensive lesson learned the hard way
So sorry about your grandson's bike being stolen! And count yourself blessed that they enjoy talking with you on the phone. Some kids grow out of talking with grandma.
That said, be cautious as to what info they share with you that you pass on to their dad. It worked out okay this time, but it may make them not trust you in the future. You don't want to get in the middle. If they tell you something in the future that you have concerns about, suggest that they talk to their dad about it and get his opinion.
So sorry about your grandson's bike being stolen! And count yourself blessed that they enjoy talking with you on the phone. Some kids grow out of talking with grandma.
That said, be cautious as to what info they share with you that you pass on to their dad. It worked out okay this time, but it may make them not trust you in the future. You don't want to get in the middle. If they tell you something in the future that you have concerns about, suggest that they talk to their dad about it and get his opinion.
Good advice, Kara!
If our grandsons tell us they are troubled about something, we always tell them to talk about it with their Dad. We try hard to not get in the middle.
The grandson with the bike issue, as of late, doesn't get to talk to us much now that he has a part-time job. When he does get to talk, he tells us about his hobbies and his finds at the local thrift shop. He enjoys collecting movies and books so we ask him what he has seen or read recently---and he is glad to talk to us about it.
Yes, when they hit the teen years, they don't want to hang out with grandma and grandpa much anymore. We understand---that's how teens are. So...we don't take offense.
First, just because someone on an internet forum calls you names doesn't mean they are right. They don't even know you.
Second, I know the issue is resolved now but I don't think this kind of information qualifies as "said in confidence." A head injury on a bike is life altering for an entire family, including financial ruin or worse, forever mourning a death.
Yes, grandson is being careful but other drivers aren't. He is not yet mature enough to understand.
Wanting to add, I'm familiar with your story and this background, and I can imagine that Dad welcomes the parental assist on these kinds of matters.
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