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Hi,
My children drive me nuts they are so competitive, I use to think they'd out grow it but here they are in their forties with families of their own and they're still at it. They always feel I love the other one more, and I've long since given up trying to convince them other wise. I'd love to have a nice relationship with their children, but it always turns into a tense, angry affair.
no matter how much I take care of their children in the past or present it's never enough. Recently my daughter adopted a baby, shortly after her husband died, so she has been staying with us and I have been watching the baby, now the others are upset that I love a stranger more then my own flesh and blood, I don't want their jealousy spilling over on this little one, I am wondering if anyone has gone through this and how did they handle it.
thanks for listening.
If they are in their 40s, you are not going to change them. You may need to take a strong line in their condemnation of a little one though as not being "blood". This will hurt the child in the long run and is so cruel.
I think you need to stand up and tell them life is not fair. You expect them to accept all in the family, period
Make sure you have an airtight will because I predict huge fights.
When it came to perceived favoritism, I did ask my kids how they could both be right?
As far as handling it? They are both now in their 40's and still at it.
I gave up even trying and do whatever I would do as if the rivalry didn't exist.
Tell them if they can't act right, you are gonna change your will and leave everything to this newest one....that will get their attention LOL
Seriously, you need to call your children together and tell them as a group, you are absolutely tired of their bickering, and expect them to grow up , get a grip and start acting like a family. And that family isn't about blood, it is about love, encouragement, support, etc. That it isn't a contest- there are no winners. That each of them is your favorite, each in his or her own way. Tell them life and everything in it is difficult enough as it is, and they need to start showing some respect for each other, and for you. And how dare they be critical of a innocent little baby...what kind of examples are they being for their chldren.
Just my thoughts...
Good luck
ps...I was thankfully adopted, not aborted
I would tell them there is NO competetion in your love! You do WHAT you can, WHEN you can for WHO you can.... That is just LIFE! GROW UP! I would tell them if they want to compete with each other, go ahead but you will NOT play their game with them as you find it very annoying and childish.
If they have children of their own, they know a parents love. You love different things about each one but that does not mean you love one more or one less... then I would look at them and ask them if they are going to sit there and tell you they love one of theirs more than the other one or love one less?
I would also inform them they will not dump their insecurities on you anymore. That is thiers to carry, NOT YOURS so you do not want to hear it anymore.
Sibling rivalry this intense doesn't continue over 40 years without a reason.
My mother-in-law is over 80 years old and STILL trying to play her kids against each other....sad.
It's gone on in my family all my life and it's a very sad situation. I'm the preferred favorite child and sometimes there are reasons it happens. I've seen it happen in many familes as well. As Sundance said it doesn't continue without a reason. I'd rather not get into what happened in my situation but it does happen a lot more than people realize and it really isn't the kids fault. It starts at a very yound age. I'm not saying it's your fault but this isn't something that just happend. This is something that started in childhood.
Actually it did start when they were small, my third one was suppose to be the last one, so he was the baby for 4 and a half years, then along came number 4 and although he loved his brother he just felt that he was now my favorite and it's been that way ever since, he's even got his children believing that their not loved as much as the youngest ones children, and there's no reasoning with him. I don't think there's been a time when I've been in the same room with him that he hasn't let me know in someway that I have a favorite and it's not him.
We had five children and we love them all no matter what. But you do have different connections with different kids. The two girls have grand babies now and we certainly have spent extra money buying things for them. The boys are out in CA and TX and it is hard to go and visit. One of the boys has shared it seems we do more for others than we do for him. Try as you may you just can't be equal all the time. I try more with cards and words to make everyone feel loved and cared about.
When we were growing up, three of us, my parents bent over backward to make everything perfectly equal. I think it got downright silly. I was the third child and I joked I knew what I was getting for every graduation and birthday since they were going to keep everything equal. You love them the same but they are each different and unique individuals.
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No will
