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I find this all very interesting. I have two young kids and am thrilled any time my parents will watch the kids however I never assume that they will be able to take them at any time nor would I put that on my parents. I try to give them amble notice as they are very social and are busy a lot of the times. It sounds like some of these "children" aka parents are being disrespectful in thinking that a grandparent sits around all day doing nothing. I find my parents very willing to take the children whenever they are available due in part because I don't make assumptions on their time. I am very sorry that this has happened because in a way, it has taken some of the grandparent/grandchild "special-ness" (ok...made up word) out of the equation.
By the way....I think three times a week is crazy excessive. I am not divorced but like any mom need some time away....I do tend to be social with friends...book club, bunco etc. but try to limit my evening outings to two to three times a month. We all need our time away from kids and husband but we need to be there for our children too.
Let me sound a different tune here. Your daughter is a single parent and thus the sole caregiver of her children. She is with them from wake up to bed time. At bed time she still must stay in the home. Let's assume that the children awake at 7 each morning and go to bed at 7 each night. That is 12 hours a day or 84 hours a week when your daughter is the sole caretaker of children awake. then their is the sleeping time, 7 to 7 or another 84 hours. Then let's assume she is asking you to watch the children three times a week for 5 hours each time. that is 15 hours. Is fifteen hours out of 168 hours excessive? I am a babysitting grandparent and will always keep my door open to those times my kids need time off for themselves. I was fortunate when we raised our children there were two of us, a mother and a father. We took turns and gave each other breaks. Our breaks were certainly more than fifteen hours a week. I would let your daughter have the time off and enjoy your grandchildren while you are able to enjoy them.
Why would it matter how many hours in the week the mother spends with her own children? She gave up the right to her free time when she became a parent. This does not mean the grandparents must come to the rescue.
And when you and your wife gave each other breaks, that is what should be done, between the parents, as it is their responsibility.
I am a grandparent also, and was once a single parent. But just because my kids are busy does not mean I must take on their responsibilities with their children. I help when I can. Some grandparents can help more than others. I think throwing the guilt card at grandparents is disgusting.
Three times a week? Wow, that would be extraordinarily generous of you. I feel absolutely thrilled if my kids' grandparents invite them over for the evening once every couple of months. I never call and ask for them to stay with the kids. I always wait for them to offer, and while I don't compensate them, I pick up the tab for any activities they attend.
Last edited by formercalifornian; 06-01-2009 at 11:28 PM..
When the boys were little, no problem having them be watched by gramma and grampa. Now with their anger issues, not so sure grampa could keep up. Although with my luck, they'd be perfect angels and grampa wouldn't know what the heck we were talking about. lol
I am not s single mother but I cannot imagine expecting my parents to take my child 3 times a week. I chose to have a child, I choose to take the responsibility and be a PARENT.
I just do not get all this people who have kids and then say they need breaks. We ALL need breaks! Whether your a single parent or not, we all need breaks. When my DH and I need a break, we hire a babysitter and we live near all my family. I never ask my family to watch our son so that we can go out. If I ask them, it is because we have an appointment to go to or something like that. Not just for a "break". My parents offer once in a while to take my son but that is about 3 times a year. In fact, he is 5 and just last month spent his first night at his grandparents because they asked if they could have him.
If you are going to need a break 3 times a week, you should not be having kids. You clearly cannot handle it if you need that much time off from being a parent.
Kristine, then you have no idea what the mother's life is like. You don't know what it is to wake up every day as the only adult there, get up, take care of the child, and make the money, manage everything with no break, no help, no help on the horizon. Every day, every night. Add to that the loss of a child and it's testament to the woman's strength that she can get out of bed and take care of the child at all.
Unless this child's father comes for regular, reliable visitation, the woman has no room to breathe. She's lost a child, and doesn't have time to put herself back together? That's not a good plan for either herself or the grandson.
I am 41 years old, the single mother of a 6-year-old, and have many resources to draw on, including good friends. But I can tell you that for months at a time I live like a prisoner. There's none of the socializing that my married friends do, no girls' nights out. I get up, I take care of my daughter and get her ready for school, I work and/or go to school, I stop to pick her up and take her to daycare, I get back to work, get some maintenance exercise, get home, start supper, spend time with my daughter until bedtime, put her to bed, relax for a half-hour, and get back to work until I can't keep my eyes open anymore. Rinse, lather, repeat. My daughter's father has her every Wednesday evening, every Saturday night and Sunday, for which I'm extremely grateful. Even so, it's no social whirlwind. My friends want to spend time with their families on the weekends. I'm not interested in the bar scene. So I wind up working and cleaning most of that time, but once in a while I can persuade a friend to come out.
At least I have that time to myself, though. I can't imagine how I'd have made it through the worst times without it.
As for those who suggest therapy -- yes, that's helpful, but that's also a childcare and possibly a job problem. Who's going to watch the boy while she's at the psychologist's? Can she take the time off from work regularly, can she go in the evening?
Abuelita, I'd suggest that you give her one evening a night for fun, one evening for therapy (plus an hour after therapy to decompress and ready herself to take care of her son again), and one just to sit quietly with herself and work through things, relax, read, write, walk, exercise. You want her to get better and get strong. Yes, the boy needs his mother, but his mother is telling you her soul is sick and needs to heal. His mother is not available to him. That's why she's trying to leave him in the care of people who love him while she takes care of herself and heals.
I think much of this depends on the age of the grandchildren. Now that my grandkids are between 4 and 2 years....I'll watch them ANY time! When they were infants, it sure was a lot harder. If I was up all weekend, I didn't feel much like going to work on Monday. I know young moms do this....but at 53...it is a little tougher.
I'm so happy I live near the theme parks. For Christmas, I buy all the grandkids an annual pass. Whenever they come to stay, there is so much to choose from. It's GREAT being a Grandma in MickeyWorld!!!!
I live in Orlando too, and we cannot wait to see Disney World through his/her eyes (baby due 12/8, so I understand it's going to be a while). The Orlando Science Center annual passes will be on our list, too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GloryB
I think much of this depends on the age of the grandchildren. Now that my grandkids are between 4 and 2 years....I'll watch them ANY time! When they were infants, it sure was a lot harder. If I was up all weekend, I didn't feel much like going to work on Monday. I know young moms do this....but at 53...it is a little tougher.
I'm so happy I live near the theme parks. For Christmas, I buy all the grandkids an annual pass. Whenever they come to stay, there is so much to choose from. It's GREAT being a Grandma in MickeyWorld!!!!
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