Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
The baby is not named yet....it can be changed now that they know.
The fact that she refuses to change it even now knowing tells me she's being pigheaded and selfish.
Or that she likes the name she and her husband chose for their baby.
Or she just won't be pushed around about something that is up to her and her husband to decide.
Gosh, I think if I were the mom to be, I would not want to look at my baby and know I named it the same name as an abuser. Just reading the OPs story makes my skin crawl. I think it would be hard to cope with; not just the name, but the fact that the parents aren't very understanding of her feelings.
I think therapy would also be helpful to the OP. It would help with the memories and with coping if the parents follow through with the naming.
I wouldn't normally agree with you, but the are what? billions of names out there. But if you even mean the slightest to either one of them, I can't imagine why they couldn't possibly pick another name.
I would think being it such a horriffice thing happen to you, I most definetely can understand, had it of just been a bully or a mean friend i would have said get over it. But the nature of what it is, I will have to agree with you.
It would make me sick to my stomach as well.
Or that she likes the name she and her husband chose for their baby.
Or she just won't be pushed around about something that is up to her and her husband to decide.
Maybe you're reading it differently than I did. I didn't get the part where she was being pushed around.
I got the point that after the name was chosen, the DIL was told of the history about the name and how much it would upset the MIL.
Now in my world, my relationship with my MIL is much more important than #1) chosing a name that has no real emotional meaning to me, it just sounds good when you say it.
#2) showing my MIL that I'm the boss here and your feeling don't mean one bit of difference to me.
Now I see a young woman stomping her feet, crossing her arms and sticking out her bottom lip and saying...I can do what I want...neener neener neener.
Sorry...in my book that selfish.
So you stick with your book and I'll stick with mine.
Do you also dictate where your family members can go or what they can wear, because those things remind you of being molested? What about the perfume/cologne they wear or the way they do their hair? Because it isn't the place or the clothing or the name or their hair that molested you, it was the person, and your DIL isn't giving birth to the person that molested you.
I think you need to find a way to move on from what happened to you, and to learn to set aside the attitude that either being molested or being a grandparent gives you the right to tell anyone how to live their life.
I'm with NoExcuses on this one. It's their baby so they can name it whatever they like. Just because you don't think there's any special meaning associated with the middle name they chose doesn't mean they didn't spend many hours picking the perfect name for their child. They like the name they picked out and it's their choice, bottom line. Like others have said, there's many names that if you looked hard enough, you could find negative connatation with. They let you know what their final decision was and you and your husband should not have said anything. Now you've caused discord within the family and IMO that was selfish on your part. You should be celebrating this new baby they are about to bring into the world, not put a damper on everything because of a something traumatic that happened to YOU 40 yrs ago and has nothing to do with them or their baby.
I think it was wrong of you to ask them to change the name. You can't expect other people to to make decisions based on something that happened to you.
However, if a request like that was made to me I would probably pick another name. Especially considering it is the middle name and they weren't set on it from the start. To me keeping family happy would outweigh picking a name that didn't hold any particluar relevance to me.
Maybe you're reading it differently than I did. I didn't get the part where she was being pushed around.
I got the point that after the name was chosen, the DIL was told of the history about the name and how much it would upset the MIL.
Now in my world, my relationship with my MIL is much more important than #1) chosing a name that has no real emotional meaning to me, it just sounds good when you say it.
#2) showing my MIL that I'm the boss here and your feeling don't mean one bit of difference to me.
Now I see a young woman stomping her feet, crossing her arms and sticking out her bottom lip and saying...I can do what I want...neener neener neener.
Sorry...in my book that selfish.
So you stick with your book and I'll stick with mine.
The father in law approaching the young pregnant girl without her husband there isn't pushing around? He had no business doing that.
In my book, it's selfish of the mother to expect people to tiptoe around her 40 years after the fact. You might see the young woman stomping her feet, etc., but I see the older mother stomping HER feet, etc., because SHE isn't getting what she wants.
A young couple is having a baby. They are doing what every young couple does by toiling over what they will name their baby. Why make it about the mother in law? She should not even be a factor in that process.
When you named your children, did you go through your and your husband's familys and solicit all the feel bad names in their lives as to be sure not to name your children any of them? No, I'm quite certain you didn't.
Naming a baby is one of the things that makes that baby real for both parents while the mother is still pregnant. It's sitting up at night with a pad and pen. It's thinking during the day while at work, and jotting ideas down to show the spouse later. It's a big part of having a baby.
IMO, that mother in law is pretty darn selfish making that entire process about her and an event that is 40 years old. It doesn't matter how many names there are in the world. All that matters is that it's up to the young parents to find the ones THEY like and want to give to their newborn.
Last edited by NoExcuses; 03-30-2010 at 09:31 PM..
Naming a baby is one of the things that makes that baby real for both parents while the mother is still pregnant. It's sitting up at night with a pad and pen. It's thinking during the day while at work, and jotting ideas down to show the spouse later. It's a big part of having a baby.
Really? I guess I'm weird. I didn't pick names until after my children were born.
It made the nurses crazy. With my first child, they were brining me baby name books---trying to pressure me to pick a name. Due to delivery complications, I was in the hospital for 7 days. That's 7 days of being tortured by nurses over baby names.
They couldn't comprehend that I planned it that way---that I wanted to wait on purpose. I left the hospital without filling out the birth certificate. The nurses were warning me that I only had 30 days. Granted, I did have a first and middle name picked by the time I left the hospital, but I wanted to be sure. Ultimately, it was the last name that prevented me from filling out the birth certificate. I was so torn over that part that I took the entire 30 days!
I wouldn't have done it any other way. I had to meet him first. I needed to get to know him. I couldn't name someone I hadn't met and didn't know! I'm very pleased with the name I chose. It fits him perfectly!
I did the same with my other children, but my first experience helped me learn how to make the nurses to leave me alone about it.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
