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Old 01-15-2011, 03:56 AM
 
68 posts, read 199,897 times
Reputation: 114

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewmik View Post
Wisdom is learned respect is earned
I (respectfully!) disagree. I haven't read very far into this thread to see how much of what I'm saying has already been covered so I apologize if this ends up being redundant, but I think everyone deserves a fundamental level of respect as a matter of their inherent dignity and worth as human beings. You can hold individuals in higher or lower esteem for their wisdom, words, or deeds, but everybody deserves some degree of unconditional positive regard. If they didn't, what psychological foundation would they have to build - or rebuild - on?

The OP's question as it appears in the title of this thread is a common one that can inadvertently perpetuate both ageism and adultism by framing the issue as a competition. As a result, "respect" has become a somewhat loaded term when applied this issue.

Having said that, I do offer the following food for thought:

I believe that any time an adult abuses, diminishes, or disregards a young person simply because they are young it is flatly disrespectful of their personhood and should be roundly condemned by any who witness it. The good news for young people is that they will outgrow any adultist prejudice against them without even trying, which is much more consolation than it may seem at the time.

But imagine for a minute that you have already suffered the injustices and frustrations of childhood/adolescence, become a member of the adult majority that dominates our social, economic, and political culture, and suddenly find yourself crossing over arbitrary lines that slowly chip away at your status in society, steadily diminishing your humanity until the day you die - whether you fit the pervasive stereotypes of an elderly person or not. The law and/or your employer has preselected an age after which you must retire whether or not you are physically, mentally, or financially ready to do so. Insurance companies and doctors decide which medical procedures are not worth their time and money anymore. Our society makes you into a joke on a greeting card, and tells younger people that growing old like you is a terrible thing that must be fought with dyes and creams and plastic surgery. Everyone younger than you is grossed out by the idea that you could still be a sexual being and are likely to freak out if you find a new romance. Our youth- and technology-oriented culture insists that your hard-won knowledge is irrelevant and/or obsolete. People who don't know you - and worse, many of those who do - treat you like you're essentially turning back into a child. Though all people deserve the same basic respect regardless of their age, there's a very strong argument to be made that old people should be given much more consideration than they often get from all of us younger people who don't even like to think about the fact that we, too, will grow old someday.

Last edited by sautille42; 01-15-2011 at 04:30 AM..
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Old 01-16-2011, 06:14 PM
 
Location: Sarasota, Florida
15,395 posts, read 22,481,557 times
Reputation: 11134
Remember the old adage....."respect your elders"......there is something to be said for any human being surviving to reach a certain age.....respect is indeed earned and by living a long life one therefore has accomplished something in and of itself and therefore deserves some measure of respect.

That said I have met idiots both young and old. When I was young I too thought I knew "everything" as do all 20 somethings; believe me time will tell and you'll be surprised how your worldview will change as you age.

Bottom line is all humans deserve some level of respect but some more than others......and age is just one parameter in that equation........but living a long life in itself does deserve some level of respect; even if the said person is an idiot....as they have lived "history" and not simply read about it on the net and/or in a book......which will possibly contain personal biases.

Last edited by PITTSTON2SARASOTA; 01-16-2011 at 06:24 PM..
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Old 01-19-2011, 02:44 PM
 
Location: Burnsville, Minnesota
2,699 posts, read 2,406,415 times
Reputation: 1481
Quote:
Originally Posted by iPwn View Post
Just for being alive longer? Is their opinion more valuable? On one hand, old people do have a long archive of experience, but on the other hand, some people are idiots no matter what age they are.
Uh...No. That's a horrible reason.
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Old 01-19-2011, 04:29 PM
 
10,449 posts, read 12,440,457 times
Reputation: 12597
Quote:
Originally Posted by CallMePeter View Post
Old people should be shown more respect because :

1. They have a ton of valueable experience that can be learned from and put to good use.
What about young people who have valuable experiences that can be learned from?
Quote:
2. They continually weather the crap from young generations that are grossly inconsiderate, self centered , rude, and who dislike authority of all kinds.
Young people weather crap from old people too. For example, some old people are verbally abusive to their juniors and seem to have the idea that all younger people should just bow to their every whim.
Quote:
3. They usually have physical problems that are difficult for them to handle in life.
I'm 21 and I have lost my vision, hearing, have arthritis severe chronic pain…am I worthy of respect?
Quote:
4. Many are struggling financially to make ends meet.
Many older folks are also well off, and there are poor people who are young or middle-aged. I'm poor; my parents who are in their 50's and 60's are rich. Who would you respect more--me or them?
Quote:
5. Many dont get visited by their own families.
Many older folks don't bother to visit their younger relatives either.
Quote:
6. Others view them as a pain or not contributing much to society any more.
People view the disabled, the poor, and the lazy as a pain or not contributing to society. Should they be respected even if they are young?
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7. Because chances are, your Parents taught you to be respectful toward them especially.
Yes my parents did, but they also taught me to be respectful to people based on who they are, not something like age or skin color.
Quote:
If the Old Person acts with rudeness, immorality, gross rebellion, gross anger, etc... then THAT Old Person (alone) should not be treated with honor and respect . Does this sound fair and reasonable ?
I agree. I think this applies to all old people and young people. It applies to all people. I just think that baseline of respect should be held for everyone until they prove not to be worthy of respect. Why limit it to older people?
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Old 01-19-2011, 04:38 PM
 
10,449 posts, read 12,440,457 times
Reputation: 12597
Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223 View Post
Assuming equal intelligence, then you betcha. Because there's a vast difference between intelligence and wisdom.

A 75-year-old has seen a great deal and has learned a great deal. A 20-year-old hasn't experienced jack. And if you listen carefully, a wise 75-year-old will tell you a great deal. And a wise 20-year-old will listen and take those lessons to heart.

A couple of months ago, I flew out to California. an 80-year-old Mississippi woman sat beside me on the plane. It was her first time out to California but, as we flew across country, I had one of the most enjoyable conversations of my life.

Towards the end of the flight, I found myself missing my own grandmother and all the things that she knew--things that I was always blowing off when I was 20 years old.

So, yeah, the old are entitled to your respect. Because they've done almost everything you have. And then some.
I totally understand where you're coming from. The average 80-year-old has experienced more than the average 15-year-old. But the problem here is averages. What if the 15-year-old has experienced something the 80-year-old hasn't? Or what if the 15-year-old has ALSO experienced something the 80-year-old has? For example, I know people in my town who have never lived outside of this town. I've travelled to over 30 countries and over 35 states within the U.S. That would be an example of something that I've experienced as a 21-year-old that perhaps the 50-year-old I met the other day hasn't.

Another example is a lot of older people assume that the young don't know what it's like to feel old. They complain about how their eyes and ears are going and they have aches and pains and their joints are stiff. Well I have always had vision loss, began experiencing hearing loss at 19, and have had joint problems and chronic pain for as long as I can remember. I know what needing reading glasses is like because I got them at 12. I know what needing hearing aids is like cause I need them now. I'm not try to say "I am worthy of respect, you worthless vile!" but at the same time most people will respect 70-year-olds because they assume they have been through that--but they overlook it when the same thing has happened in a young person.

An older person who has always been financially stable has never experienced what it's like not to be able to pay the bills or to have to skip meals, yet it's entirely possible a poor young person has been through that. An older person who has never been to college has no experience to draw on for a young person planning to go to college or in college. The examples are endless.

Respecting people based on age for reasons like "they have been through more" involves a lot of erroneous assumptions. Why not just respect people based on what you know they've experienced? Rather than assuming what they have and haven't experienced, just find out and respect them based on that. Don't you think that makes a lot more sense?
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Old 01-19-2011, 04:41 PM
 
10,449 posts, read 12,440,457 times
Reputation: 12597
Quote:
Originally Posted by PITTSTON2SARASOTA View Post
Remember the old adage....."respect your elders"......there is something to be said for any human being surviving to reach a certain age.....respect is indeed earned and by living a long life one therefore has accomplished something in and of itself and therefore deserves some measure of respect.

That said I have met idiots both young and old. When I was young I too thought I knew "everything" as do all 20 somethings; believe me time will tell and you'll be surprised how your worldview will change as you age.

Bottom line is all humans deserve some level of respect but some more than others......and age is just one parameter in that equation........but living a long life in itself does deserve some level of respect; even if the said person is an idiot....as they have lived "history" and not simply read about it on the net and/or in a book......which will possibly contain personal biases.
I can't speak for all people my age but I am sure that I'm not the only person my age who realizes they have a lot to learn. I've also come across older folks who always assume they know something or have "been there, done that" when they may still have things to learn as well.

Everyone's worldview changes with time, but it's also important to remember no two people's worldview is the same to begin with.
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Old 01-19-2011, 04:57 PM
 
10,449 posts, read 12,440,457 times
Reputation: 12597
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnieA View Post
I know this may sound a little archaic (?) but I am a senior citizen and I appreciate when I am addressed as Mrs. So and So by my doctor, their nurses, people in stores, tradespeople, etc. I don't call my doctor by his first name unless he should specifically ask me to and then I would hesitate because that would signify a level of intimacy that I would not feel comfortable with. I have earned the courtesy of being spoken to by my title and name, Mrs. so and so.

Having said all of that and not very well, I do think it is a courtesy and somewhat formal but I think most older people appreciate that. I also being asked before someone addresses me familarly by my first name.

i think it is good that we are taught to respect our elders. They quite often know a lot more, through the experience of living, than younger people do. It is not good for young people to grow up, not respecting anything.

Does any of this make any sense ? Probably not. LOL
I think what you are talking about here is formality. And I have noticed, even over the past ten years, that formality has been on the decrease. As a speaker of other languages, I also notice that English is decidedly less formal than most other languages. In fact of all the languages I speak, the only language I can think of that is even less formal than English is American Sign Language--and it shares the American preference for friendliness over formality. However, I don't think it necessarily has to do with respect, though. Respect and formality have some overlap but at the same time I think they are distinct concepts. Titles, or formality in general, has more to do with social distance. Respect can be intimate or distant (for example respecting a friend vs. respecting a position).

Because you are not friends with your doctor, your nurse, the people in the store, tradespeople, etc. you use titles. I can understand that social distance, but I also have to say, I appreciate it when it's used symmetrically regardless of age gaps. For example, the social security office routinely introduces themselves by title and then calls me by first name. These people aren't necessarily significantly older than me--maybe 10 years, 20 tops. But they consistently address me by first name. I wonder if they do this with other people who are 50 or 70? They didn't offer me the option to use their first or last name and they didn't even ask me if I want to be called by my first name.

I also agree that it's polite to ask before using someone's first name. Unlike you, I don't mind being called by my first name, but if they are going to insist on their title, I at least like being asked about my preference too. I also think that people should err on the side of caution and default to titles before using someone's first name, particularly in the types of interactions you listed.

Last edited by nimchimpsky; 01-19-2011 at 05:11 PM..
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Old 01-20-2011, 09:32 AM
 
507 posts, read 1,535,591 times
Reputation: 831
Quote:
Originally Posted by beachmel View Post
Ringo, here's an idea for you. I have almost always been in professions in which I've interacted with "seniors", or at least older adults. Here is what completely changed the way I saw these folks, besides the obvious sharing of words. I saw pictures of them when they were young!! Find some pictures of your father when he was younger. If there are any relatives who have pictures, or if you're able to connect with relatives online who have pictures of him throughout his life.....GET THEM! Display those pictures of your father when he was young. Nothing reveals the person "inside" as much as a photo gallery that has pictures of that elderly person at different (younger) stages of their lives.

If your son has pictures displayed of your father at HIS age, younger and somewhat older, it is more likely that he won't view his grandfather as simply a "doddering old man". He will likely begin to see your father as a young person who has grown old with time. It's also a way of showing your son the meaning of "mortality". We all get old. Our physical appearance is not who we are....but a product of the passing of time. Show him who your father really is! I did that for my chidren....and it's amazing the way they started viewing their grandparents... with much more respect. They stopped treating them like "they wouldn't be interested or understand", because they ceased to be distracted by their outward appearance! If you have a younger "reference" visual of the elderly, you simply see them differently. It's amazing!

In working with elderly in nursing homes, I actually started seeing my elderly friends as they WERE, not as the "waiting to die" individuals. We encourage elderly clients' families to bring pictures of them when they were younger, because it actually makes the clients FEEL younger, as well....especially when their caregivers stop treating them like "doddering old people".
Excellent post
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Old 01-20-2011, 01:27 PM
 
613 posts, read 813,463 times
Reputation: 826
Showing respect is good for your character. Even when respect is not received in return.

I've found in my own experience that lack of respect is often a defense mechanism. When I consistently show genuine respect to another it is eventually returned. When it is not reciprocated I have sometimes asked why I don't deserve respect, even though I give it. With most people that is enough to change their behavior. With others, I choose to have as little to do with them as possible. At the end of the day, some people are jerks, old or young.
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Old 04-10-2011, 09:22 AM
 
35 posts, read 93,233 times
Reputation: 46
while i don't have anything against anyone because of their age,i've seen more young people as being ageist than elderly/there's an ageism that so many 20's possess it's unreal. i see it from my own experinces than anything.i'm 56 and my gf is 35.i look to be much younger than my real age.i easily pass for being in my mid to late 30's.it isn't from 30 somethings that i get the remarks and nasty looks from,however,it's the 20 somethings when they find out how old i am .also i have always listened to the current rock music of the day. in the town i live in the same station that played current rock 30 years ago still plays current rock.i've always listened to the same station(even though it's changed call letters at least 5 times since long ago).so i also get nasty comments about that,in the form of younger people saying i'm a poser or i'm just an old fart who still thinks he's a teenager.(they can't seem to grasp the fact that not everybody's taste in music dwarfs completely at their high school years and that i actually listen to current bands(evanescence,flyleaf,green day,we are the fallen,etc)because i enjoy them as much as i grew up listening to in the 70's and 80's.i firmly believe everyone deserves respect.i try to understand those that display disrespect.i don't immediately disrespect or dislike someone merely because they dislike or disrespect me.part of this nations problem and others i might add, lies in the fact that too many people believe eye for eye...tooth for tooth.disrespect for disrespect doesn't a successful nation make/.
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