U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Great Debates
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old 01-25-2011, 07:58 AM
 
1,420 posts, read 4,448,369 times
Reputation: 1880

Advertisements

Jonathan! Your perspective is so unfortunate. For every "con" you have listed, there is a "pro".

Can you not try just a little to look at the glass as half-full and be content with what is? How bleak to be constantly expecting to walk into a wall of unhappiness. I hope you can find a way to twist your perspective a little so you can better enjoy your life.

 
Old 01-25-2011, 08:12 AM
 
47,576 posts, read 58,711,508 times
Reputation: 22158
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathan29 View Post
I would like to give you all a different perspective into having children in your 40s....I'm a child of parents who were in their 40s when they had me.

It's miserable to say the least. You're doing your children a huge injustice by having them at that stage in life and I'll give you specific reasons why.

All my years of growing up, all I can remember is non-energetic parents who were "too tired" or "too mature" to do some of the fun things children enjoy. It really wasn't fair, do I sit here and cry about it no....even though it sounds like I am.

It literally takes over your life down the road as you want to move out and live your life. You begin to think...if I were to move now...in my mid 20s...I come back in 5 years, my parents are now over 70 years old. I'll have missed the final "good years" of their life and unfortunately miss out on the best years of my own in the process.

Looking down the road, I see the early burden of taking care of my parents at a young age. Hampering raising my own children because they didn't want children when they were my age. They wanted to go out and have fun instead.......

I realize for some people things are different. People meet later in life, people can't have kids then finally become blessed. However, don't be selfish in this stage in life. At the very least, make the effort to be the energetic parent when you're in your mid 50s and they want to play some ball with you. Don't hold them back when your in your 60s with guilt when they want to go explore the world in their 20s after college. They will feel guilty when they come back in their early 30s and you're in a wheelchair or god forbid pass away.

Just please think twice before putting another human being in this position. Put yourself in their shoes, how would you feel? Do you really want to be doing the whole soccer mom thing at age 58? Or walking your daughter down the aisle when you're 75? Not being around long enough for your grandchildren to even remember you....
My parents had kids into their 40s, a couple of them still work with my dad. People age differently, some people are old at 30 but others are still vibrant and working into their 80s.
 
Old 01-25-2011, 08:18 AM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,325,866 times
Reputation: 32238
I just wrote a very long post. And erased it.

I think you would be unhappy had you been born when your parents were in their 20s. Your post reeks of "poor me". Let me boil it down for you: Have you got your health? Roof over your head? Food in your stomach?

I take it you're not just back from Afghanistan without a leg and an arm. Or suffering from PTSD or a penetrating head injury.

Great.

Now get out there, quit crying about what you want vs. what you have and live your life. I took care of my parents. It wasn't a burden it was a blessing. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. (Which you are going to do until you pull up your big boy pants and play the cards that big Dealer-In-The-Sky dealt you.)
 
Old 01-25-2011, 08:27 AM
 
Location: Barrington, IL area
1,594 posts, read 2,535,980 times
Reputation: 4937
As a child who was born to parents in their 40's, I wholeheartedly agree with your post. My parents had actually been married for 12 years before they had kids, and celebrated their 20th anniversary when I was 2! As older parents, they were tired and quite selfish, as they were having their mid-life crises when I was in Kindergarten. People say age is just a number, but it really goes much further than that. The large generational gap makes it hard for them to see a child's point of view in the 21st century, as all they can do is reminisce about the 1960's. It is hard for them especially because they are ready to retire, but still have a child living at home and one in college. My father just turned 61 yesterday.
 
Old 01-25-2011, 08:34 AM
 
4,541 posts, read 9,496,950 times
Reputation: 3848
Like others have said, some of the complaints are more about personality and just a selfish person than a number.

There are PLENTY of tired selfish parents in their 20's and 30's. Someone who is choosing to be a stick in the mud because of their age was probably a stick in the mud at a younger age.
 
Old 01-25-2011, 09:11 AM
 
1,135 posts, read 1,983,036 times
Reputation: 1478
I am sorry your experience as the child of older parents was negative, but remember they gave you the gift of life.

The trend toward older parenting isn't going to end any time soon. As modern science allows us to live longer, women and men are going to wait longer to make major life decisions such as when to marry and have children. Meanwhile, advances in reproductive technology allow the majority of women, even older women and women with reproductive ailments, to become pregnant.

That said, not all older parents are too tired to keep up with their kids. If privacy weren't an issue I'd dm you a photo of my family taken last weekend. My husband, 48, and our two oldest children, 11 and 9, were smiling at the summit of one of the highest ski peaks in the Northeast. They spent the entire day, as they do most Saturdays all winter, downhill skiing and hanging out.

Meanwhile, myself, 41, and our baby, 11 months, were cross-country skiing at the base of the mountain. She was laughing and sleeping the whole time I pulled her behind me in her snow trailer and I don't think she could have had any more fun had she been with a 25-year-old mommy.

We attend all of our kids' spring and fall soccer games, chaperone our oldest daughter's school dances, camp, kayak, hike, travel everywhere from major cities to seashore resorts, and basically enjoy life together.

We have no intention of having our kids take care of us. As older, more mature parents we have good jobs, retirement and pension plans and a legal trust that would leave them well provided for if we were to unexpectedly die. But considering we're fit, healthy and look at least 10 years younger than our actual ages, I doubt that will happen anytime soon.

Rather than telling 40-plus parents they shouldn't have kids you should focus your attention on the millions of U.S. parents who have kids they can't provide for emotionally or financially and the unfit parents who abuse and neglect their children.
 
Old 01-25-2011, 09:15 AM
 
Location: In a house
13,258 posts, read 34,613,675 times
Reputation: 20198
I think the OP's post has merit. There is a HUGE difference between being the youngest sibling to parents who *started* having kids in their 20's and 30's and continued into their 40's..and being the only child of parents who had that one and only child while they were in their 40's.

HUGE difference. The anecdotes people are using to justify their disagreeing opinions, just - don't apply to the situation. Having a support network of older siblings, or being an older sibling in a brood with a broad age gap isn't even remotely the same as having parents who -began- having their children after 40.
 
Old 01-25-2011, 09:58 AM
 
Location: BK All Day
4,480 posts, read 8,317,230 times
Reputation: 4288
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnonChick View Post
I think the OP's post has merit. There is a HUGE difference between being the youngest sibling to parents who *started* having kids in their 20's and 30's and continued into their 40's..and being the only child of parents who had that one and only child while they were in their 40's.

HUGE difference. The anecdotes people are using to justify their disagreeing opinions, just - don't apply to the situation. Having a support network of older siblings, or being an older sibling in a brood with a broad age gap isn't even remotely the same as having parents who -began- having their children after 40.

Good point. I would like to clarify my post saying I was born when my dad was 39 so not quite 40 and my sister was born when he was 42.

Let it be known that he also opens all of the jars in our house still. Even in his "old age"
 
Old 01-25-2011, 10:01 AM
 
1,302 posts, read 1,529,398 times
Reputation: 1916
My parents had me when they were both in their early 30s. My Mom died on my 24th birthday and my Dad died when I was 27. There are no guarantees.

My best friend had her twins when she was 42 (through surrogate eggs after years of infertility). We often laugh that she will be 60 when they graduate.

I can say that I would be a completely different parent if I started having kids in my 40s, but I am not sure if I would be a better parent. More money and stability without a doubt but I am not sure that matters much.

I liked being a young parent and my kids did too. I love being a young empty nester and I will love being a young grandmother. I don't think being an older parent is a bad thing, it is just different.
 
Old 01-25-2011, 10:06 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 88,978,939 times
Reputation: 30256
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnonChick View Post
I think the OP's post has merit. There is a HUGE difference between being the youngest sibling to parents who *started* having kids in their 20's and 30's and continued into their 40's..and being the only child of parents who had that one and only child while they were in their 40's.

HUGE difference. The anecdotes people are using to justify their disagreeing opinions, just - don't apply to the situation. Having a support network of older siblings, or being an older sibling in a brood with a broad age gap isn't even remotely the same as having parents who -began- having their children after 40.
You have a good point. My husband's siblings banned together and put their yongest sister through college. She was in high school when she became parentless. If she had been an only child, she would have been totally alone. And even though my sister was 22, she still had her older siblings too.

My only point is the OP could be in the same situation even if his parents had him in their 20s. Many people lose their parents when they are in their 30s. The biggest difference is that the OP will be alone, but his experience won't be much different from only children who were born when their parents were in their 20s and died when the only child was in their 30s.

Perhaps some would claim having one child at an older age is the main mistake older parents can make. But I've known many people who were only children. Some felt lonely and purposely had a large family when they were married. Some didn't have an impact whatsoever because they filled their lives with friends and considered their friends as family. It really comes down to personality.

There's no full proof guarantee that a child won't feel alone as a child or an adult. My mother purposely had many children because her only other sibling died when he was a teenager. She felt very lonely after he died. She wanted her children to have siblings as adults. The reality is that our sibling relationships aren't very close. We do talk throughout the year and see each other on holidays. We are there for each other for major life emergencies. But we don't consider each other friends. We don't even like each other very much.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Great Debates
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top