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Old 01-25-2011, 10:14 AM
 
43,012 posts, read 89,018,139 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ohiogirl22 View Post
Let it be known that he also opens all of the jars in our house still. Even in his "old age"
That's super important! I should know because my husband couldn't open any jars the first few days after surgery!

If our son wasn't still living at home, I would have been desperate.

Now my husband is well enough for us to open jars together---I hold the jar and he turns the lid with his good arm!

 
Old 01-25-2011, 10:15 AM
 
Location: Austin, TX!!!!
3,764 posts, read 7,701,651 times
Reputation: 1743
Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus View Post
I'm sorry it was (is) a miserable experience for you, Jonathan29. But the fact is, nobody can predict what life is going to hand them. It sounds like you have issues with your parents that could happen to kids with parents of any age.

Some parents are just selfish people regardless. There are plenty that pitch a fit if their kids want to move away. There are plenty that sit on the couch and don't want to play ball. There are plenty that are "too tired" or "too mature" at 35 to do kid things with you. There are plenty that are 22 and pawn you off on your grandparents for most of your childhood for whatever reason. There are plenty of parents who become ill and die, and it will likely inconvenience you no matter what age they are. There are plenty that are in their late 20's/early 30's that are so focused on advancing their careers that their kids are raised by third parties. There are plenty who have mid life crises at 42 and will ditch you at 14 for a younger family.

Appreciate the parents you have and act like a mature adult and stop whining. All parents come with issues of some sort. How you deal with them determines what kind of man you become, and it's you that's responsible for that, not them.



Isn't thinking of the future? Really? You can "think" about the future all you like, but you can't tell me what's going to happen. Everybody's parents die. Everyone's. It's not going to be easy no matter what age they are, or what age you are. But it's life. That's it. Having kids before age 40 does not guarantee anything at all.

It's all about the attitude of the parents. I could find something "wrong" with every parent if I chose and decide that they were arbitrarily selfish for having kids for any reason I might decide to focus on. You could say "anybody that has children and is blue with red stripes is being selfish" and I could find a reason why that's true.
Very good insights! There is simply no magic age for everyone that makes him/her the best parent possible.

My husband's father died when he was 49 from Leukemia and his children were teenagers. My best friend from high school just lost his mother (we are in our mid forties) and she didn't have her first until she was forty.
 
Old 01-25-2011, 10:18 AM
 
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,236 posts, read 40,285,245 times
Reputation: 10915
I'm lucky in that my parents died early...however, I would have not felt any obligation to care for them in their old age.
 
Old 01-25-2011, 10:43 AM
 
Location: In a house
13,258 posts, read 34,646,355 times
Reputation: 20198
Quote:
Originally Posted by LeavingMassachusetts View Post
My parents had me when they were both in their early 30s. My Mom died on my 24th birthday and my Dad died when I was 27. There are no guarantees.

My best friend had her twins when she was 42 (through surrogate eggs after years of infertility). We often laugh that she will be 60 when they graduate.

I can say that I would be a completely different parent if I started having kids in my 40s, but I am not sure if I would be a better parent. More money and stability without a doubt but I am not sure that matters much.

I liked being a young parent and my kids did too. I love being a young empty nester and I will love being a young grandmother. I don't think being an older parent is a bad thing, it is just different.
So that means your mom died when SHE was in her 50's. If she had you when she was in her 40's, then YOU would have been only 12-16 when she died. And still under 20 when your dad died. You would have been an orphan while you were still in High School. Not because your parents died young, but because they waited til they were middle aged to start their family.
 
Old 01-25-2011, 10:49 AM
 
Location: Some Beach... Somewhere...
4,572 posts, read 3,832,595 times
Reputation: 4738
Quote:
Originally Posted by TKramar View Post
I'm lucky in that my parents died early...however, I would have not felt any obligation to care for them in their old age.
Sounds more like they're lucky... I'd hope that you don't have any offspring.

Some folks are just all heart.
 
Old 01-25-2011, 10:53 AM
 
1,302 posts, read 1,530,270 times
Reputation: 1916
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnonChick View Post
So that means your mom died when SHE was in her 50's. If she had you when she was in her 40's, then YOU would have been only 12-16 when she died. And still under 20 when your dad died. You would have been an orphan while you were still in High School. Not because your parents died young, but because they waited til they were middle aged to start their family.
Absolutely.

The older parent dilemma is a weird one for me. At first thought, I think it is a bad idea. Admittedly, a lot of that is probably because mine were grown and out the door before I hit 40 and there is no way on earth I could fathom having a baby.

On the other hand, I watched my friend go through year after year of gut wrenching failure to have children. She didn't wait on purpose, she just didn't meet the right guy until her mid 30s and then discovered all the infertility problems. 42 is too old to have a baby to me, but those sweet little girls were worth the wait and she is a great Mom. Every situation is different, I guess.
 
Old 01-25-2011, 10:54 AM
 
Location: Some Beach... Somewhere...
4,572 posts, read 3,832,595 times
Reputation: 4738
I found a good middle ground. My one and only child was born when I was in my mid-40's. She's the light of my life. My patience is now infinite compared to when I was in my 20's, I can better provide since I'm now in a senior position in my field, and I can work reasonable hours not having to establish or prove myself at work. College is already paid for and I can easily send her to private schools that would only have been a dream years ago.

And my wife is over 15 years younger than I am! Woo-hoo! Problem solved!
 
Old 01-25-2011, 10:57 AM
 
Location: Outer Space
1,525 posts, read 3,356,972 times
Reputation: 1787
Quote:
The older parent dilemma is a weird one for me. At first thought, I think it is a bad idea. Admittedly, a lot of that is probably because mine were grown and out the door before I hit 40 and there is no way on earth I could fathom having a baby.
I will be 42 when my daughter graduates from high school. I can't imagine I'd have any interest in doing it all over again at that age either.
 
Old 01-25-2011, 11:00 AM
 
1,302 posts, read 1,530,270 times
Reputation: 1916
Quote:
Originally Posted by Workin_Hard View Post
I found a good middle ground. My one and only child was born when I was in my mid-40's. She's the light of my life. My patience is now infinite compared to when I was in my 20's, I can better provide since I'm now in a senior position in my field, and I can work reasonable hours not having to establish or prove myself at work. College is already paid for and I can easily send her to private schools that would only have been a dream years ago.

And my wife is over 15 years younger than I am! Woo-hoo! Problem solved!
There's one difference though..your wife is young and I am guessing a stay at home Mom??? Makes a world of difference.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonnenwende View Post
I will be 42 when my daughter graduates from high school. I can't imagine I'd have any interest in doing it all over again at that age either.
Yup. I watch videos of my boys when they are young and I need a nap.
 
Old 01-25-2011, 11:06 AM
 
3,751 posts, read 10,211,776 times
Reputation: 6560
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathan29 View Post
I would like to give you all a different perspective into having children in your 40s....I'm a child of parents who were in their 40s when they had me.

It's miserable to say the least. You're doing your children a huge injustice by having them at that stage in life and I'll give you specific reasons why.

All my years of growing up, all I can remember is non-energetic parents who were "too tired" or "too mature" to do some of the fun things children enjoy. It really wasn't fair, do I sit here and cry about it no....even though it sounds like I am.

It literally takes over your life down the road as you want to move out and live your life. You begin to think...if I were to move now...in my mid 20s...I come back in 5 years, my parents are now over 70 years old. I'll have missed the final "good years" of their life and unfortunately miss out on the best years of my own in the process.

Looking down the road, I see the early burden of taking care of my parents at a young age. Hampering raising my own children because they didn't want children when they were my age. They wanted to go out and have fun instead.......

I realize for some people things are different. People meet later in life, people can't have kids then finally become blessed. However, don't be selfish in this stage in life. At the very least, make the effort to be the energetic parent when you're in your mid 50s and they want to play some ball with you. Don't hold them back when your in your 60s with guilt when they want to go explore the world in their 20s after college. They will feel guilty when they come back in their early 30s and you're in a wheelchair or god forbid pass away.

Just please think twice before putting another human being in this position. Put yourself in their shoes, how would you feel? Do you really want to be doing the whole soccer mom thing at age 58? Or walking your daughter down the aisle when you're 75? Not being around long enough for your grandchildren to even remember you....
Wow. I haven't even read the other posts - but seriously, you must be one of the most selfish, whiny people I've ever heard on CD. And CD has a lot of whiny / selfish posters in various threads.

My parents were also in their 40's. Oddly enough, I've enjoyed my life and didn't spend my entire time thinking "woe is me, my parents are old".

And when my 72 year old father walked me down the aisle - I was ecstatic and as proud as I could be.


Now, when they do need my care - I am thinking to myself "thank God I'm only 38 - and not 58! thank goodness they waited!".

If you choose to have children when/if you do it is your choice, just as it was your parents choice. They could have waited another 10 years, and then maybe you wouldn't have even been here to complain about them.

Live your life. If how you live your life intersects with their life - be grateful that you've got that opportunity. Plenty of young parents die every year, and their children don't even get to have the problems you're worrying about.
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