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Old 01-25-2011, 01:01 PM
 
3,778 posts, read 7,167,630 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnonChick View Post
if grandma waited til she was 45 to have her first child, then when she was 67, her first child would be 18. She would have spent the last 17 years raising a child, and not training for the African jungle tour.
22. The child is 22. It's going to distract me until I say so.

 
Old 01-25-2011, 01:08 PM
 
Location: Lowell, MA
6,926 posts, read 5,576,613 times
Reputation: 10124
Quote:
Originally Posted by DewDropInn View Post
I just wrote a very long post. And erased it.

I think you would be unhappy had you been born when your parents were in their 20s. Your post reeks of "poor me". Let me boil it down for you: Have you got your health? Roof over your head? Food in your stomach?

I take it you're not just back from Afghanistan without a leg and an arm. Or suffering from PTSD or a penetrating head injury.

Great.

Now get out there, quit crying about what you want vs. what you have and live your life. I took care of my parents. It wasn't a burden it was a blessing. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. (Which you are going to do until you pull up your big boy pants and play the cards that big Dealer-In-The-Sky dealt you.)
DewDropInn - YEAH!!!!! TY for having the guts to speak up...for us over 40's moms & dads.

I gave birth to my wonderful son when I was 44. Unfortunately sometimes when you have a child late in life physical ailments which will hit you sometime in you life hit me all at once.

I consider this a blessing, I stopped working when he was 4, before starting school. He always has a mom to come home to with her arms open with hugs and kisses and asking how was your day? I am here to play games with him and what we love doing the most is talking to each other, such an imagination my little one has, he should become a writer.
He has learned compassion for others watching his MEME as he called her because he couldn't say Grammy when he was 1 so it stayed at MEME. He watched me care for my mother with love. I went to help in any way I could. She had lung cancer and I never missed one chemo or radiation appointment. I shaved her head when there was only wisps of hair left. I stayed by her bedside while she died. My face and voice were the last she heard and saw when she suddenly came out of her coma while my sister and step-dad went home to take a shower!!! I am teaching him how to cook, do laundry, clean house just in case when that time comes for me he will be prepared for what life throws at him. His dad is now 44 and is lacking energy for crying out loud. I was rollerblading and walking 5 miles a day at his age.

My son wants to stay home and take care of me. This I won't allow, he is a child and needs to run and play. I can though take a walk with him and throw a ball with him. The most fun we have together is swimming. He's a little fish and I also love the water.

We have taken so many pictures together as a family and videos that he will cherish these memories we have together. My father is 89, still alive but unfortunately has Alzheimer's disease. Longevity is on my dad's side, his mom didn't die until she was 88. Hopefully this will happen with me and our family will be fulfilled with the time we have spent together.

My older children didn't have that privilege. They had daycare to look forward to after school fighting for some attention while 20 other children did the same. I would pick them up at 6:00 p.m. tired, trying to get out of making any decent meal for them. I didn't have the energy to go out and play everyday, I even worked weekends when work demanded it and believe me they did. I moved thru the company to the highest position that was obtainable for me at the time. I did make time to bring my son to his soccer practices and games but mostly sat in the car half asleep, not cheering him on like I should of been. I dreaded his baseball practices and games...what a shame!!! I missed out on so much of their youth...and they missed out on a full-time mom.

Stop complaining and be thankful for what you have!!!!!

Last edited by hopedelivers; 01-25-2011 at 01:12 PM.. Reason: Insert text.
 
Old 01-25-2011, 01:19 PM
 
1,302 posts, read 1,529,678 times
Reputation: 1916
Quote:
Originally Posted by hopedelivers View Post
DewDropInn - YEAH!!!!! TY for having the guts to speak up...for us over 40's moms & dads.

I gave birth to my wonderful son when I was 44. Unfortunately sometimes when you have a child late in life physical ailments which will hit you sometime in you life hit me all at once.

I consider this a blessing, I stopped working when he was 4, before starting school. He always has a mom to come home to with her arms open with hugs and kisses and asking how was your day? I am here to play games with him and what we love doing the most is talking to each other, such an imagination my little one has, he should become a writer.
He has learned compassion for others watching his MEME as he called her because he couldn't say Grammy when he was 1 so it stayed at MEME. He watched me care for my mother with love. I went to help in any way I could. She had lung cancer and I never missed one chemo or radiation appointment. I shaved her head when there was only wisps of hair left. I stayed by her bedside while she died. My face and voice were the last she heard and saw when she suddenly came out of her coma while my sister and step-dad went home to take a shower!!! I am teaching him how to cook, do laundry, clean house just in case when that time comes for me he will be prepared for what life throws at him. His dad is now 44 and is lacking energy for crying out loud. I was rollerblading and walking 5 miles a day at his age.

My son wants to stay home and take care of me. This I won't allow, he is a child and needs to run and play. I can though take a walk with him and throw a ball with him. The most fun we have together is swimming. He's a little fish and I also love the water.

We have taken so many pictures together as a family and videos that he will cherish these memories we have together. My father is 89, still alive but unfortunately has alzheimer's disease. Longjevity is on my dad's side, his mom didn't die until she was 88. Hopefully this will happen with me and our family will fulfilled with the time we have spent together.

My older children didn't have that privilege. They had daycare to look forward to after school fighting for some attention while 20 other children did the same. I would pick them up at 6:00 p.m. tired, trying to get out of making any decent meal for them. I didn't have the energy to go out and play everyday, I even worked weekends when work demanded it and believe me they did. I moved thru the company to the highest position that was obtainable for me at the time. I did make time to bring my son to his soccer practices and games but mostly sat in the car half asleep, not cheering him on like I should of been. I dreaded his baseball practices and games...what a shame!!! I missed out on so much of their youth...and they missed out on a full-time mom.

Stop complaining and be thankful for what you have!!!!!


Not sure what age has to do with it, I cared for both of my parents while they died and was by their bedside when they finally did. I certainly don't consider it a badge of honor, more like depressing as heck.

Also done as a single young Mom....never missed a baseball/soccer/track practice meet or game, and certainly never spent a second of any of them sitting in a car sleeping. Cooked dinner and ate as a family. Helped with homework. Cooked and baked. Played outside. A gazillion other things that Moms do. I also managed to get my Bachelors and Masters and worked full time.

Please don't be condescending to younger, working Moms because of your inability to balance it all.
 
Old 01-25-2011, 01:38 PM
 
Location: NYC/Orlando
1,913 posts, read 3,412,005 times
Reputation: 1051
I'm a child of older parents- my mom is 14 years younger than my dad. So when my mom gave birth at 36, my dad had just turned 50. I only noticed it a little when I was young- I remember once a stranger made a remark to me about my "grandpa"- he was talking about my dad!

When I was 15 my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer and given 6 months. He went into remission but was diagnosed again with it when I was 17, had his lung removed, and now he's still in remission 3 years later. If my parents had had me the year they met, in 1976, rather than in 1990, my life would probably have been a lot different (I probably would have been raised by married parents).. but who knows. I can't really blame them. But if a couple can help it, I think it's better to have kids younger.
 
Old 01-25-2011, 01:42 PM
 
3,647 posts, read 9,311,633 times
Reputation: 5427
I've never met any of those 'energetic' older parents. My experience with folks who had kids at/near 40 has been negative - the negativity stems from the people their children are turning out to be.

My youngest uncle for example. Grandma had him when she was 37. Waste of skin. Lived off his parents until the day they died, kind of. Grandpa died just over 10 years ago. About two years ago, he and his wife managed to scam Grandma out of everything she and Grandpa worked for, then they stuck her in a home where he ignored her until her last few days of life. He was spoiled to death by them and they never could really 'keep up' with him.

My dh's youngest sister is another example. MIL had her in her late 30s too. She's 26 and still acts like she's 15 - still expects (and has) mom to bail her out of every poor decision. MIL's husband is now facing the end of his life and it's taking a huge toll on MIL. Where's the spoiled brat now? Well, when stepdad went into the hospital on Christmas Eve, she posted on FB that her Christmas had been 'ruined', 'borrowed' (but truly will never pay it back) money to fix her car (yep, another accident) but spent the money on a trip to SF because she 'can't deal with all the drama'. Lovely girl.

I've seen a lot of examples but the final one that changed my view on the relevancy of a parent's age was my first born. I was 19 and in no position to take care of a child. I gave her up for adoption to a 40 year old couple. She sought me out last summer. There is not a more entitled, selfish, clueless person on this planet - though her adoptive mother serves as a close runner up. Her parents are 58 - and in poor health. They've spoiled her rotten (think rotting fruit), blame her behavior on genetics and take NO responsibility to the horrible person she is. They believe I owe them - after all, they raised my daughter. They believe I owe them the college tuition for the college she's flunking out of, the private school they had to put her in when she was expelled in high school - after all, she's MY daughter. Though they were quick to point out that I am NOT her mother. It was a whirlwind 2 days. Frantic, hectic, emotional. It ended when dear biological child sent her younger sister (my then 7 year old) a highly inappropriate email and I let her know that any communication with the children would be monitored. There were a few rantings about her 'civil rights' (not just spoiled, but ignorant too!) I guiltily confessed to my dh that I am glad she ended contact so quickly (Her 'mother' kept calling for a couple weeks til dh stepped in, forwarded all the nasty emails to her, and basically told her off). Now, 7 months later, hearing about some of her exploits through the extended family grapevine, I am over the 'guilty' part and flat out glad she stopped calling. I blocked her and them through the social networking sites and email, as well as my cell phone. If they want contact, they won't be able to just spring it on me - it will have to be in person (1000 miles away) or through the regular mail.

I don't know ANYONE whose parents were over 35 when they were born who are what I would consider a 'good' person. I know lots of kids with horrible parents who were under 35 when they were born - but those people seemed more capable of 'overcoming' their childhoods than those with older parents.
 
Old 01-25-2011, 01:47 PM
 
3,842 posts, read 9,243,559 times
Reputation: 3177
I don't know ANYONE whose parents were over 35 when they were born who are what I would consider a 'good' person. I know lots of kids with horrible parents who were under 35 when they were born - but those people seemed more capable of 'overcoming' their childhoods than those with older parents.[/quote]

So, according to you, since I had #2 @ 35 & #3 @ 37, my boys will never be good people?

This has got to be one of the most ignorant things I've read in a long time.
 
Old 01-25-2011, 01:51 PM
 
1,302 posts, read 1,529,678 times
Reputation: 1916
Quote:
Originally Posted by sskkc View Post
I've never met any of those 'energetic' older parents. My experience with folks who had kids at/near 40 has been negative - the negativity stems from the people their children are turning out to be.

My youngest uncle for example. Grandma had him when she was 37. Waste of skin. Lived off his parents until the day they died, kind of. Grandpa died just over 10 years ago. About two years ago, he and his wife managed to scam Grandma out of everything she and Grandpa worked for, then they stuck her in a home where he ignored her until her last few days of life. He was spoiled to death by them and they never could really 'keep up' with him.

My dh's youngest sister is another example. MIL had her in her late 30s too. She's 26 and still acts like she's 15 - still expects (and has) mom to bail her out of every poor decision. MIL's husband is now facing the end of his life and it's taking a huge toll on MIL. Where's the spoiled brat now? Well, when stepdad went into the hospital on Christmas Eve, she posted on FB that her Christmas had been 'ruined', 'borrowed' (but truly will never pay it back) money to fix her car (yep, another accident) but spent the money on a trip to SF because she 'can't deal with all the drama'. Lovely girl.

I've seen a lot of examples but the final one that changed my view on the relevancy of a parent's age was my first born. I was 19 and in no position to take care of a child. I gave her up for adoption to a 40 year old couple. She sought me out last summer. There is not a more entitled, selfish, clueless person on this planet - though her adoptive mother serves as a close runner up. Her parents are 58 - and in poor health. They've spoiled her rotten (think rotting fruit), blame her behavior on genetics and take NO responsibility to the horrible person she is. They believe I owe them - after all, they raised my daughter. They believe I owe them the college tuition for the college she's flunking out of, the private school they had to put her in when she was expelled in high school - after all, she's MY daughter. Though they were quick to point out that I am NOT her mother. It was a whirlwind 2 days. Frantic, hectic, emotional. It ended when dear biological child sent her younger sister (my then 7 year old) a highly inappropriate email and I let her know that any communication with the children would be monitored. There were a few rantings about her 'civil rights' (not just spoiled, but ignorant too!) I guiltily confessed to my dh that I am glad she ended contact so quickly (Her 'mother' kept calling for a couple weeks til dh stepped in, forwarded all the nasty emails to her, and basically told her off). Now, 7 months later, hearing about some of her exploits through the extended family grapevine, I am over the 'guilty' part and flat out glad she stopped calling. I blocked her and them through the social networking sites and email, as well as my cell phone. If they want contact, they won't be able to just spring it on me - it will have to be in person (1000 miles away) or through the regular mail.

I don't know ANYONE whose parents were over 35 when they were born who are what I would consider a 'good' person. I know lots of kids with horrible parents who were under 35 when they were born - but those people seemed more capable of 'overcoming' their childhoods than those with older parents.
Interesting. I was adopted and my birth mother found me and we had the exact opposite reaction. I couldn't get her out of my life fast enough.

There is something to be said about genetics though. I was a wild child and completely opposite of my parents, how they put up with me I have no idea. After meeting her I learned where the personality came from and thank God she gave me up. If she raised me I would have ended up in jail, no doubt in my mind.
 
Old 01-25-2011, 01:59 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,333,321 times
Reputation: 32238
Well, Hopedelivers, I think I hit some kind of a nerve because I got a ton of positive reps for that post. A lot of people agree with us.

God bless you for taking care of your mother.

I just get a little upset with people who expect life to be perfect. It's not. For anybody. God did not put us here to have a lovely time and be selfish. He put us here to serve each other. Sometimes that means you have to put your own wants and desires on the back burners. Mother Theresa saw Christ in the eyes of every dying person she bathed. Isn't that lovely? Isn't that a blessing?To serve God who is disguised as the sick and lonely? Sometimes they are the poor on another continent. Some times they are our very own parents.
 
Old 01-25-2011, 02:02 PM
 
Location: The Jar
20,071 posts, read 13,751,682 times
Reputation: 36712
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonathan29 View Post
I would like to give you all a different perspective into having children in your 40s....I'm a child of parents who were in their 40s when they had me.

It's miserable to say the least. You're doing your children a huge injustice by having them at that stage in life and I'll give you specific reasons why.

All my years of growing up, all I can remember is non-energetic parents who were "too tired" or "too mature" to do some of the fun things children enjoy. It really wasn't fair, do I sit here and cry about it no....even though it sounds like I am.

It literally takes over your life down the road as you want to move out and live your life. You begin to think...if I were to move now...in my mid 20s...I come back in 5 years, my parents are now over 70 years old. I'll have missed the final "good years" of their life and unfortunately miss out on the best years of my own in the process.

Looking down the road, I see the early burden of taking care of my parents at a young age. Hampering raising my own children because they didn't want children when they were my age. They wanted to go out and have fun instead.......

I realize for some people things are different. People meet later in life, people can't have kids then finally become blessed. However, don't be selfish in this stage in life. At the very least, make the effort to be the energetic parent when you're in your mid 50s and they want to play some ball with you. Don't hold them back when your in your 60s with guilt when they want to go explore the world in their 20s after college. They will feel guilty when they come back in their early 30s and you're in a wheelchair or god forbid pass away.

Just please think twice before putting another human being in this position. Put yourself in their shoes, how would you feel? Do you really want to be doing the whole soccer mom thing at age 58? Or walking your daughter down the aisle when you're 75? Not being around long enough for your grandchildren to even remember you....
The same should and could be said for really young parents, too!

You know the ones...right?!

The ones who decide or have to to get married young, have babies, and ten years in divorce because they want to be free to "sow" the unsown oats, etc.,etc..

So, the children from that union get to suffer from a freakin' horrific divorce, their parents bar and bed hopping, poor finances, and their bitterness in the end. Way to go!!!
 
Old 01-25-2011, 02:07 PM
 
3,647 posts, read 9,311,633 times
Reputation: 5427
Quote:
Originally Posted by LeavingMassachusetts View Post
Interesting. I was adopted and my birth mother found me and we had the exact opposite reaction. I couldn't get her out of my life fast enough.

There is something to be said about genetics though. I was a wild child and completely opposite of my parents, how they put up with me I have no idea. After meeting her I learned where the personality came from and thank God she gave me up. If she raised me I would have ended up in jail, no doubt in my mind.
I'd never met someone like her before. She sent me over 150 texts in the first 26 hours after contacting me, we were talking on the phone for more than 8 hours on/off. At one point during those 26 hours, I had to attend a meeting for my daughter's cheer squad, and so turned off my phone while I was there. When I turned it back on 2 hours later, I had 15 missed calls and 4 voicemails accusing me of turning my back on her, lying when I said I'd always be there for her... it went on and on. When I turned to my father for advice, he suggested that I call her adoptive mother. BIG mistake. They threatened me with (among other things) a lawsuit for CHILD SUPPORT. CHILD SUPPORT?!!!

I kept trying to reason with them, trying to find a peaceful solution. After speaking with our pastor, my dh stepped in. He told me that he couldn't keep watching me kill myself for these people. My younger two have always known about their older sister and were really excited initially by the thought of contact. DH told me that our son, age 10 at the time, said that he'd 'never' forgive' her for what she put me through during those two weeks. My youngest was at camp for part of it, but my son was here watching me daily.

At one point, she asked for contact with the rest of my family. I sent her their emails (specifically, two relatives who had expressed interest). My dad won't tell me exactly what happened, but he won't have contact with her and changed his email address. My older sister, who I've been estranged from until last summer, won't speak with her either, but won't tell me why. Neither of my grandmothers took her calls - which came AFTER whatever happened with my father and sister.

Her ability to sing, she got from me. Her laugh - all me. Her psychotic insistence that she is "owed" is 100% environment.
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