Pro-Creation, or empty nest? (generation, independent, money, state)

[elamigo]

Originally Posted by jc76

As a 34 year old male I (and my wife) have never had any desire whatsoever to have children, never have and probably never will. I have personal reasons why that I dont feel I need to go into. Obviously I feel like a bit of an outcast as I am constanly nagged by people with kids who seem to think EVERYONE needs to have kids.
Slowly but surely most of our empty nest friends are joing the cult of pro-creation, and slowly we feel more alienated and "weird." Still, no desire to have kids. Being fixed was the best thing I ever did so I know there will never be an accident. Many of our friends this is the case, an accident.
I guess I just want some feedback from people outside of our circle. Is it so wrong to be happy and content with each other, travelling, being free and not having a desire to raise a family?

To me you take what others think of you too much. Aren't we American love to live life as we want it? Is so, why do you allow social pressure to get to you. It seems that way to me. I admit I do certain things due to social pressures or expectation. However, there is a limit to that. You asking us if it is so wrong? Are you trying to have validation to your way of thinking from us? Don't! Live your life as you like to live it. If others do not make you feel good about it, then you have to make a choice of either staying away from them or accept them as they are regarding how they treat you for being the "weird" couple. You have a choice of how you want to deal with it. If they do not mind making you feel that way then they should be willing to get a reaction from you whichever way you may send it, take care.

[2mares]

I have to wonder if some couples are just over sensitive. I live in the south and am surrounded by religion. I even personally heard the "you shouldn’t have just one child" and I have heard couples asked if they were planning on children, but have never felt like anyone was nagging or harassing or disapproved of anyone choosing not to have kids or only one child. Actually the only place I have ever encountered childless people expressing that they feel this way is on these message boards. And even then almost all of the replies support decisions to remain child free.

[peppermint]

Originally Posted by 2mares

I have to wonder if some couples are just over sensitive. I live in the south and am surrounded by religion. I even personally heard the "you shouldn’t have just one child" and I have heard couples asked if they were planning on children, but have never felt like anyone was nagging or harassing or disapproved of anyone choosing not to have kids or only one child. Actually the only place I have ever encountered childless people expressing that they feel this way is on these message boards. And even then almost all of the replies support decisions to remain child free.

I have rarely felt nagged (twice that I can think of by devout fundamentalists), but the comments, IMO, are annoying. A friend of mine was being constantly asked about having a child. She had suffered from one miscarriage and was undergoing fertility treatments to get pregnant. She finally told people, "I'm infertile." That's the only way she was able to stop the nagging. She, I'm happy to say, is expecting her first in 3 weeks.

My point is that some people are profoundly annoying about this issue, but I, like you, don't pay them much attention - no more than a roll of the eyes and a quick email to another childfree buddy to say, "I've been bingoed!"

Thankfully, our society is much more accepting of childfree couples in this day and age, but there are some anachronistic people who annoy the fool out of the rest of us.

[2mares]

Thankfully, our society is much more accepting of childfree couples in this day and age, but there are some anachronistic people who annoy the fool out of the rest of us.

I guess Im lucky I haven’t encountered those people.

[jc76]

Originally Posted by elamigo

To me you take what others think of you too much. Aren't we American love to live life as we want it? Is so, why do you allow social pressure to get to you. It seems that way to me. I admit I do certain things due to social pressures or expectation. However, there is a limit to that. You asking us if it is so wrong? Are you trying to have validation to your way of thinking from us? Don't! Live your life as you like to live it. If others do not make you feel good about it, then you have to make a choice of either staying away from them or accept them as they are regarding how they treat you for being the "weird" couple. You have a choice of how you want to deal with it. If they do not mind making you feel that way then they should be willing to get a reaction from you whichever way you may send it, take care.

You may be right, I may in fact be looking for a little "validation". I can not deny that. It is very "normal" and natural to want to continue the cycle of life, I in no way deny that, it's human nature and instinctive. I just never had that instinct so yes I do feel at times like I am the odd one, and I accept it I guess. I just think it's wrong to bring in a life that was not planned or wanted. Not to mention financially I would not be able to give it the life I wanted and never got.
Thank you all for your insight and replies.

[Stumbler.]

Originally Posted by jc76

It is very "normal" and natural to want to continue the cycle of life, I in no way deny that, it's human nature and instinctive. I just never had that instinct so yes I do feel at times like I am the odd one, and I accept it I guess.

Variation is often normal in human nature.

Don't give it any other thought.

As a bit of a side note, I've never heard pro-creation being used to describe the attitude of wanting to have more kids (though it's a pretty punny one if you made it up yourself). Pro-natalism comes to mind.

[mysticaltyger]

Originally Posted by jc76

As a 34 year old male I (and my wife) have never had any desire whatsoever to have children, never have and probably never will. I have personal reasons why that I dont feel I need to go into. Obviously I feel like a bit of an outcast as I am constanly nagged by people with kids who seem to think EVERYONE needs to have kids.
Slowly but surely most of our empty nest friends are joing the cult of pro-creation, and slowly we feel more alienated and "weird." Still, no desire to have kids. Being fixed was the best thing I ever did so I know there will never be an accident. Many of our friends this is the case, an accident.
I guess I just want some feedback from people outside of our circle. Is it so wrong to be happy and content with each other, travelling, being free and not having a desire to raise a family?

Nothing wrong with your choice, but those who don't want kids tend to feel somewhat left out socially compared to those who have them, especially if you don't like hanging out / socializing with couples where there are kids running around.

If you think it's alienatig being straight with no kids, try being gay. Then you'll know what alienation is.

Find a few child free friends if possible. Besides straight folks like yourself, gays and older folks in their 50s whose kids are grown up can also be compatible friends.

[jc76]

[quote=mysticaltyger;17686735]
If you think it's alienatig being straight with no kids, try being gay. Then you'll know what alienation is.

quote]

I bet. I have a few friends who are gay and it seems they have to deal with alot of bs. Sad.

[swisswife]

[quote=jc76;17687362]

Originally Posted by mysticaltyger

If you think it's alienatig being straight with no kids, try being gay. Then you'll know what alienation is.

quote]

I bet. I have a few friends who are gay and it seems they have to deal with alot of bs. Sad.

I love my gay friends. They say it how it is, have the same disposable income we have to travel and enjoy life and they don't tell me about their kids school reports !!!

[mateo45]

Originally Posted by jc76

As a 34 year old male I (and my wife) have never had any desire whatsoever to have children, never have and probably never will. I have personal reasons why that I dont feel I need to go into. Obviously I feel like a bit of an outcast as I am constanly nagged by people with kids who seem to think EVERYONE needs to have kids.
Slowly but surely most of our empty nest friends are joing the cult of pro-creation, and slowly we feel more alienated and "weird." Still, no desire to have kids. Being fixed was the best thing I ever did so I know there will never be an accident. Many of our friends this is the case, an accident.
I guess I just want some feedback from people outside of our circle. Is it so wrong to be happy and content with each other, travelling, being free and not having a desire to raise a family?

If I might ask, specifically how are you getting this "pressure", and is it primarily from "friends" or also relatives? And how's your wife with all this? BTW, all that sounds especially strange since your profile looks like you live in SoCal.

But if it's coming from your peers, one possible explanation might be that many of you are now at that age where the proverbial "biological clock" is pressing folks to "decide"! And y'all may simply be a "foil" for a lot of their own "struggles" (relationship and otherwise) with resolving this issue. In any case, I'd agree with other folks who've indicated you need some new friends, if for no other reason that you're only gonna feel even more alienated when they eventually start "breeding" and swapping tales about their precious "spawn".