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I think it may often be a combination of certain personality types coupled with certain environmental circumstances. For example personalities that crave stability and were raised in a very unstable environment may resort to domestic violence to maintain control of their environment in adulthood.
It would be great if domestic violence could be eradicated. Whether it's nature or nurture, it would be pretty difficult to do that. Suggestions anyone?
A willingness for all participants to change, and great efforts to avoid any situations where it is likely to happen by coming up with preventative techniques such as spotting red flags during arguments and deterring the conflict before it spirals into physical abuse.
I think it may often be a combination of certain personality types coupled with certain environmental circumstances. For example personalities that crave stability and were raised in a very unstable environment may resort to domestic violence to maintain control of their environment in adulthood.
This says what I have thought on the subject....I have seen this within families and wondered why one child will follow in the footsteps of domestic violence and another does not.....it has to something inherent in their personalities.
In some cases, people who commit domestic violence in adulthood have witnessed such violence as children but that's not always the case. What leads some children to carry out similar behavior in adulthood while other children do not?
I believe nature and nurture play a role in this and affect people differently depending on their personality make-up.
I may be predespose to be antagonistic or with a tendency to be violent.
With this in mind let us say I grew up where my dad or mom recognized that and got me into let us say football so I learn to use my violent personality in a way that teaches me to use my personality in a positive way.
Now, if I was the same but born in an environment where family violence is the norm, I would turn out differently. If I was violent by nature and see violence in my family I would most likely be shapped with no positive guidance on how to use my violent nature.
On the other side of the coin if I was an individual of very mild personality and I grew up in a violent environment I would probably not end up like the rest of my family.
Also, what values you learn in your family affect how you deal with situations in life. I do remember talking about blacks and their culture. I read about this before also. Some of my black friends have expressed that when they were little their parents said that when faced with a threat you do not back down and hit hard and do not stop to teach the other individual that you will not just stop him but feel some extra pain as necessary. The same I believe may happen in domestic violence if you see that is your world so later in life you deal with situations with violence.
We are a product of our environment and we cannot escape that. However, some people do not follow their violent upbringing, take care.
I saw my mom get beat my entire youth, he teeth knocked out, ribs broken, black eyes the whole deal. I would call the police and they would arrest my step father only for my mom to take him back. I would criticize my mom call her weak and told her she had no back bone. I would honestly taunt her telling her I would grow up to never be like her. I feel bad for how I treated her now.
The relationship between them ended when my stepdad hit me. THe first time it happened that was it my mom put him out. I guess she loved me more than herself.
Now present day: My boyfriend used to hit me. This is really hard to talk about. It started with just a push then a slap then a punch. Once he took off his belt and beat me with it. The last time he hit me I forgot where I was for about 10 minutes. It was scary. 2 weeks later I found out I was pregnant and I told him if he hit me I would have him put in jail and he would never see me or our child ever again. (off subject but he's been in therapy and seems to have changed i know i know his type never changes but this is his last chance honest)
My point here is I honestly think something about seeing my mom be beat allows me to put up with it. I never EVER thought I would let a man hit me and stay with him. So IDK I think its the womans fault for letting it happen as much as the mans.
I saw my mom get beat my entire youth, he teeth knocked out, ribs broken, black eyes the whole deal. I would call the police and they would arrest my step father only for my mom to take him back. I would criticize my mom call her weak and told her she had no back bone. I would honestly taunt her telling her I would grow up to never be like her. I feel bad for how I treated her now.
The relationship between them ended when my stepdad hit me. THe first time it happened that was it my mom put him out. I guess she loved me more than herself.
Now present day: My boyfriend used to hit me. This is really hard to talk about. It started with just a push then a slap then a punch. Once he took off his belt and beat me with it. The last time he hit me I forgot where I was for about 10 minutes. It was scary. 2 weeks later I found out I was pregnant and I told him if he hit me I would have him put in jail and he would never see me or our child ever again. (off subject but he's been in therapy and seems to have changed i know i know his type never changes but this is his last chance honest)
My point here is I honestly think something about seeing my mom be beat allows me to put up with it. I never EVER thought I would let a man hit me and stay with him. So IDK I think its the womans fault for letting it happen as much as the mans.
I got into an abusive marriage and both me and my ex grew up seeing and being the targets of a lot of abuse. So I definitely think an abusive childhood is what leads to the learned behavior as well as the tolerance for it.
That said, I have to disagree with you when you say his type never changes. I've been talking to my ex-wife on the phone since leaving her in February and she has already completely changed. She and I have both changed for the better. We both basically had to drown, hit rock bottom, jump and come up gasping for air to get to where we are now, but we did.
It's hard but it's doable. You (general "you") have to be willing to reverse all the conditioning you've been subjected to that led you to fall into the abusive situation to begin with--and that can be really hard. You have to realize that aggressor and target are just roles, and that a passive role just as much a role as an active one. And you have to be willing to detach from the victim-victimizer paradigm. You have to be willing to let go of blame and just focus on healing.
Most importantly, you have to be willing to realize that you aren't what you do. You have to truly believe and know in your heart and soul that everyone is a good person and when people do bad things, it's because of their own pain. It's easier to just demonize someone, but ever perpetrators are just acting out their own pain. And then you have to work on that pain itself. When the pain is healed, the tendency to fall into the abusive pattern disappears. When you love yourself and you love others, you just don't resonate with the abuse frequency anymore and you stop landing yourself in abusive situations. Previously abusive situations get replaced with healthy loving ones.
Not everyone breaks the cycle, but everyone has the potential to break it.
This says what I have thought on the subject....I have seen this within families and wondered why one child will follow in the footsteps of domestic violence and another does not.....it has to something inherent in their personalities.
It can be inherent, compare siblings from families where one commits crimes and the others are well adjusted productive adults. Ask two siblings from the same family to recount their childhood, its likely to be different. Perception.
My step father beat me fairly often. This continued until I turned 14 and the testeerone hit. I gained 4 in and 50 lb of muscle. He tried to hit me and I said I would kill him. He believed me and survived another few years.
My step father beat me fairly often. This continued until I turned 14 and the testeerone hit. I gained 4 in and 50 lb of muscle. He tried to hit me and I said I would kill him. He believed me and survived another few years.
In some cases, people who commit domestic violence in adulthood have witnessed such violence as children but that's not always the case. What leads some children to carry out similar behavior in adulthood while other children do not?
Some parents don't hit but that doesn't mean they do their job well. One thought that comes to mind is not setting boundaries out of fear of tantrums or hurting the child's feelings.
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