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I wish this topic could've been for all adults, and not just senior citizens.
Anyway, living with someone who needs constant attention 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year, without any break or relief, is not living. It's just barely existing. The lonliness, the isolation, the lack of social contact, the inability to maintain your own health, can destroy you. Not to mention the financial challenges you take on if you're not working. I also like to consider the side of the adult. Sitting around in your house, day after day, with nothing to do, nowhere to go, no one your age to talk to, no interaction with the outside world, would be horribly depressing. Isn't it better to be somewhere where there are other adults that you might share similar experiences with, where there are outings and activities and events to keep you entertained.
I think it can be hard to admit--to others and to ourselves--how difficult it is to take care of a loved one who needs so much care. We want to do the right thing by our loved one, and it can be hard to know what the "right thing" is... You make an interesting point that moving into a facility could actually provide more stimulation than being "nursed" in isolation at home. (Of course, there are ways to increase interaction in a home setting but that does require a lot of coordination.) Mental and physical stimulation continue to be important no matter what age you are--for emotional and cognitive functioning.
People in the dementia ward of senior care facilities don't converse. They sit around staring at one another or at the TV with blank expressions on their faces. The mind will deteriorate if it isn't used. So if one can absolutely prevent placing a parent in such a place it's better. The problem is the sacrifice of time required. Some elderly tend to wander into the street confused. Especially when they don't take their diabetes medicince and one cannot be there 24/7. Perhaps in the old days on a farm with a large extended family it would have been feasable.
Well, as I sit here, I live in a regular, small 1-BR apartment. I was laid-off in November and I still spend most of my time every day looking for a new position, attending training sessions, classes, etc. I will most likely need to relocate for a new position. After too many years of caregiving, I have no money, no assets, and no property. My only source of income right now is my Unemployment Insurance.
Yet, the family member I act as POA for is being evicted from the home for non-payment of her bill. Her only income is her SSI Disability. They want me to take her into my apartment to live permanently. In addition, we are both being sued for the balance owed. I'm being flooded with her bills and legal documents, and they know I can't afford an attorney to defend both of us.
What exactly do they expect me to do? If I stay at home all day and night and don't continue my job search, then I get shutoff from my Unemployment Insurance. What am I supposed to live on? I've already been through this. Living inside, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with no relief, no sleep, no exercise, no human contact, will have you climbing the walls in a matter of days. It's inhumane to punish someone this way. I'm not sick, I don't have an illness (at least not yet), so why am I forced to suffer as if I do?
Well, as I sit here, I live in a regular, small 1-BR apartment. I was laid-off in November and I still spend most of my time every day looking for a new position, attending training sessions, classes, etc. I will most likely need to relocate for a new position. After too many years of caregiving, I have no money, no assets, and no property. My only source of income right now is my Unemployment Insurance.
Yet, the family member I act as POA for is being evicted from the home for non-payment of her bill. Her only income is her SSI Disability. They want me to take her into my apartment to live permanently. In addition, we are both being sued for the balance owed. I'm being flooded with her bills and legal documents, and they know I can't afford an attorney to defend both of us.
What exactly do they expect me to do? If I stay at home all day and night and don't continue my job search, then I get shutoff from my Unemployment Insurance. What am I supposed to live on? I've already been through this. Living inside, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with no relief, no sleep, no exercise, no human contact, will have you climbing the walls in a matter of days. It's inhumane to punish someone this way. I'm not sick, I don't have an illness (at least not yet), so why am I forced to suffer as if I do?
Who is they??
Honestly, I would find another solution. That is no way to live. If your family member could possibly find low-income housing or qualify for a state run nursing home.
For YOUR sake, you need to be gainfully employed and planning for your own retirement . . . .
hopefully with the increasing number of elderly needing a lot of care, there will be more elder care facilities similar to daycare for kids. this might allow full time job holders to have their parent in their home, but drop them off every day for 8 hours. the parents get a little socialization and professional care. their kids get to keep their jobs or have a break during the day. that seems less expensive than having someone come to the home to stay with the elderly person.
[SIZE=3]If you choose a care facility (nursing home) please be viligent. Expect the good but be aware of the bad.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=3][/SIZE]
[SIZE=3]There is a nice, new facility in Bay City, TX where Mom was staying. All was well and good until I witnessed a CNA strike a man because he pooped in Depends. (I thought that was what they were for.) I told the Director, not in a bad way, just as a courtesy to be on the look out for abuse by this particular CNA. They waited until my sister (who had legal guardianship of Mom) to take her trip to Europe and called me to come and pick Mom up and I mean in two days. I went to get her and man, she was all packed up, boxes, bags, blankets you name it sitting right beside her wheelchair. They were nice enough to throw in an extra box of Depends – bless their hard hearts. I had no place to take her in my upstairs apartment so we went to my sister’s $350,000 home with five bedrooms and pool. Needless to say, my sister has never forgiven me for opening my big mouth, but Mom and I had the time of our lives that week. I don’t regret it one bit, because from my standpoint, it could have been Mom that was being abused. She did have bruises, but the facility always had an excuse why the bruises were there (she hit her arm, blah, blah, blah). Till this day, I do not believe them. Really sad part of this story, is that my sister was the favorite one and she treated Mom like an old rag and just put her into another facility.[/SIZE]
Most of the seniors I know and have met do not get any help from their children. In most cases it is the opposite. Most children don't want the burden of caring for their aging parents in these modern times.
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