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Old 04-04-2011, 02:21 PM
 
9 posts, read 9,064 times
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We value independence and the right to make our own decisions, but whose independence takes precedence when an older adult wants to continue living in their home but doing so requires that their adult child (or spouse) give up their normal activities to care for them constantly? Would you care for an aging relative in your (or their) home or consider other options such as continuing care retirement facilities? Why or why not?
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Old 04-04-2011, 02:40 PM
 
Location: Las Flores, Orange County, CA
26,346 posts, read 80,739,113 times
Reputation: 17410
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluemoon815 View Post
We value independence and the right to make our own decisions, but whose independence takes precedence when an older adult wants to continue living in their home but doing so requires that their adult child (or spouse) give up their normal activities to care for them constantly? Would you care for an aging relative in your (or their) home or consider other options such as continuing care retirement facilities? Why or why not?
A lot of it comes down to money and time. How much time do I have and how much money do I have. Confidently, my mom and I just checked my dad into a board and care. He's 89 (going on 389). My mom is 87 and taking care of him was just about going to kill her. Fortunately they both have LTC insurance.
Medi-Cal will pay for it of yo pass income and assets tests.
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Old 04-04-2011, 02:47 PM
 
Location: El Paso, TX
2,806 posts, read 6,307,901 times
Reputation: 3245
My mom and I have already talked about this, and yes, I would take care of her in my home if she became ill to the point of needing help. If it was too overwhelming, we would hire someone to help out. There's no way I would stick my own mother in a home and let strangers take care of her. Depending on her condition, she would either stay in the main house with me, or I would renovate my guesthouse for her (which is right behind the main house)...unless she needed round the clock care, she would prefer the guesthouse because it's fully functional and she would have more independence and privacy. My mom's healthy as a horse right now, but it's a good idea to talk about these things with family members beforehand, just so everyone knows how everyone else feels. I feel strongly about not leaving my mom's care in the hands of other people, and I know I have the stomach to deal with certain things other people might not be able to deal with...I was a vet tech at an animal emergency facility, so I've dealt with some pretty nasty conditions and assisted in surgical procedures, etc. My grandmother ("nana") is about to move into my aunt's home because she's getting too old to take care of herself anymore (she's 88)...all 3 of her kids wanted to take her in, so it was left up to nana to decide...she chose my aunt & uncle's home because she prefers Virginia to Boston or Texas, and because the house is huge and she'll have her own bathroom.
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Old 04-04-2011, 05:14 PM
 
Location: in area code 919 & from 716
928 posts, read 1,202,166 times
Reputation: 453
Help push politicians into allowing kids to add parents to their health insurance.

Consider this:
  • Several kids
  • 2 parents
  • multiple group insurance coverages
  • parent medical distributed across each policy
  • better health care for parents
  • less tax dollars spent on government health care

Very simple and allows more funds to be used to tighten up SSI for the retiring baby boomers
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Old 04-04-2011, 05:17 PM
 
Location: Las Flores, Orange County, CA
26,346 posts, read 80,739,113 times
Reputation: 17410
Quote:
Originally Posted by Digital_Duck View Post
Help push politicians into allowing kids to add parents to their health insurance.

Consider this:
  • Several kids
  • 2 parents
  • multiple group insurance coverages
  • parent medical distributed across each policy
  • better health care for parents
  • less tax dollars spent on government health care

Very simple and allows more funds to be used to tighten up SSI for the retiring baby boomers
It's already allowed as long as parent is a dependent.
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Old 04-04-2011, 05:42 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,527 posts, read 29,228,109 times
Reputation: 21263
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluemoon815 View Post
We value independence and the right to make our own decisions, but whose independence takes precedence when an older adult wants to continue living in their home but doing so requires that their adult child (or spouse) give up their normal activities to care for them constantly? Would you care for an aging relative in your (or their) home or consider other options such as continuing care retirement facilities? Why or why not?
Recently, my mother became very ill and unfortunately passed away. It was only 10 days of 24 hour care. I was exhausted beyond belief, but if it had been only 10 days or 10 years I would have found some way to do it. Even if I would have had to give up everything I own. My mother was precious to me and I loved her very much and nothing would have kept me from caring for her for as long as it was necessary.

I do not have expectations that everyone is able or willing to make this kind of commitment, however. It would be nice if there were other options to are for our aging population that allows a high level of care and helps support the family in their efforts to maintain some kind of quality of life and continuity for the older person.

There was a time in my life when I would have wanted or expected the "government" to do this, but alas, I do not feel that way any longer. I do not know what the answer is, but as our population continues to age, there is going to be a crunch point. I only hope that it is not the seniors who suffer because of it.

20yrsinBranson
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Old 04-04-2011, 07:58 PM
 
Location: Maryland, USA
152 posts, read 182,730 times
Reputation: 295
I had a recent scare (wake-up call) about this very issue with my Mother. She's only 65, works full time, is active and in good health. I thought I was prepared, and I'd always said she could move in with me and the kids if anything ever happened, but I guess I thought it would be many years from now, and I'd never fully faced the ramifications of it all.

Long story short, she spiraled into a weird, deep debilitating depression (almost overnight) after her doctors took her off a medication. It kept getting worse, the doctors couldn't figure it out, and within days she could barely function. I couldn't even recognize her as I talked to her on the phone.

I started scrambling to make arrangements to move her into my house. All within about a weeks period, I had to cover issues like her retiring from her job, possibly selling or renting her house, moving my basement business into a new location to make room for her, me possibly moving into a bigger house, my kids activities schedules (I'm a single Dad with two young kids), her medical condition, possible in-home care help, etc. It was like a crash course in life-crisis101.

Anyway, the good news is that she snapped out of it a few days before we made any permanent changes. The docs tried some new meds combination and she's completely back to normal.

Although, you can bet that I'm much better prepared now ... if this ever happens again.

I still tease her ... that she faked it all just to see if I'd really take her in, and change my whole life around for her. I tell her that was her one chance, and she blew it. lol

Anyway, it's scary stuff. I can't even imagine how much my life would be different having to care for her full time. But I'd do it, and I will do it when the time comes.

I figure she took care of me for 18 years, and she's my Mom. I couldn't look myself in the mirror ... if I stuck her in a home, while I was still capable at all of helping her.
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Old 04-05-2011, 01:58 AM
 
Location: in area code 919 & from 716
928 posts, read 1,202,166 times
Reputation: 453
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charles View Post
It's already allowed as long as parent is a dependent.
Never heard of it
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Old 04-05-2011, 02:35 AM
 
7,099 posts, read 23,885,607 times
Reputation: 7248
Taking in an elderly parent sounds nice.......but as elderly parents, (i'm 80, he's 84) we don't want our children to have to do it. All of them would, but as long as we could, we would feel the need to "help" as best we could. We want them to have the best and easiest life they can. I do not want to see them give up a job or ruin their own health (or marriage) just to keep one of us from a "home"

I am at a point now when I don't want to cook, clean, buy groceries, pay bills etc. He does a good job of taking care of me, but he isn't going to be able to do that as long as I might need it. I certainly do not want any of my kids to have to take on this burden.

So, while you feel fine about taking in a parent, it's time to make plans about what you want YOUR children to do about you. Do you really want your children to help you with baths, toliets and later, bedpans? Would it bother you to have your child or his/her spouse tend to your basic needs, wipe your behind, clean up "accidents?"
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Old 04-05-2011, 04:06 AM
 
1,830 posts, read 2,903,795 times
Reputation: 2966
I have been taking care of my mother (who is close to ninety) for the last five years. I feed, bathe, medicate and love her 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Its exhausting and I wouldnt be able to to do it without the help of my adult sons who also help out. My mother has other children, but only one lives in the area. I have days when I just want to give up but, I just pray and keep going.
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