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See, that's what I'm wondering.. if we were to go back, would we see it as exciting as we recall it in our minds??
My recollections are pretty clear, I've never had a problem with memories. I can recall the bad memories just as well, knowing they were really bad and things I'd rather forget. I'm just wondering if I've dressed up the good ones.
It's kind of like that old saying.. "ya can't go home and expect it to be the same" after you've lived life differently.
We'll never really know, huh? But I do remember going home after college living a different life and it wasn't the same as growing up there... and feeling a kind of disappointement from it.
I think this is true. We have stages in life. We grow up and childhood becomes memories. But no matter how cherished or negative, they are now just memories. We get into adult life and remember the filtered version of what came before. When you have kids, you know you can't ever go back to the time before either and in moments of stress we tend to idiolize it.
When people retire they change their way of life. I've 'retired' early since I'm disabled, but I know there are things I can't afford, and wish I could do. Maybe as a special thing, but not more. But I've also discovered other aspects of life I really love now. Maybe this isn't the 'best' time, but its not a bad one. We find our joys and our pains in each stage, but they just change, and are always there. I think if we *want* to find something which makes it a good time, we can. It's those who can't let go and drag along the past as idealized that make it hard to do that.
Maybe each part of our lives in their own time should be the 'best' part of life.
As I get older, I find myself going back to "old days".. memories of better times and it got me to wondering.. Is nostalgia real or are we deluding ourselves? And if so, why? I have bad memories as well as good ones, things I'd like to totally forget, but I love remembering the good times. I'm wondering if I'm over-glamorizing them.
I recall fun days of dating/dancing to Bee Gee's/ Saturday Nite Fever, doing "the bump".. buying a week's worth of groceries for $25, gas for .25/gal, bread a quarter. And it seems far more valuable and fun to me now than it did back then.. Did I appreciate it as much then as I do now?
I recall my parents talking about walking 10 miles in snow and rain to get to school (rolling my eyes as a teenager) and them telling us how fortunate we were to have this bk and white TV watching Ed Sullivan and Elvis (while covering my eyes) and I'm wondering now if they ever had their own moments of nostalgia. ??
Moderator cut: Off Topic
The good old days weren't always so good.
In my profession, I have visited with MANY widows who had absolutely horrible marriages. But within a couple years of the death of their husband, they speak of him as if he was a god, and reminisce about all their wonderful years together.
I suppose that viewing history through rose-colored glasses is both a blessing and a curse. It makes some unbearable things bearable, but it also prevents us from seeing some of the good things that are presently before us.
Interesting thread. Nostalgia is kinda like a delusion, seeing things, people and events through rose colored glasses. They look nice and soft and great, but take those glasses off and bam, reality. It's okay to have delusions and nostalgic memories, but they aren't "real,"-- they're embellished, exaggerated. It's part of being human, but don't base large decisions on them is how I look at it. And, see them for what they are.
Interesting thread. Nostalgia is kinda like a delusion, seeing things, people and events through rose colored glasses. They look nice and soft and great, but take those glasses off and bam, reality. It's okay to have delusions and nostalgic memories, but they aren't "real,"-- they're embellished, exaggerated. It's part of being human, but don't base large decisions on them is how I look at it. And, see them for what they are.
A lot of posters keep bringing up these "rose colored glasses" when referring to nostalgia.
But lets say a wonderful event, or simply a great year traveling about with friends in present time happens (many posters keep reminding us to enjoy *today*).. So, this wonderful event/year happens and life is great and wonderful.
10-20 yrs down the road you look back on it with fondness and great memories. It wasn't real? It was a delusion??
I know that recalling a gal of gas for a quarter in the 70's wasn't delusional, nor bread for a quarter, nor all the mom and pop stores with the old chest coke machines for ten cents were real. I know recalling the pains and repercussions of my marriage during Vietnam were real, not delusional.
I think we know the difference between painful memories and happy memories... of times we enjoy going back to and reliving in our minds and those we'd rather forget.
I moved away from where I live about 15 yrs ago - Always look back with happy memories, good times and fun - and long to get back to it. Although I don't have the same memories about places I lived say 10 years ago, perhaps its the home town thing. Although when I visit people tell you better off somewhere else, its not the best place to live.
I think we just look back and screen out the boring, bad memories, and stressful situations - and its almost like watching a Film where we are only seeing selected items.
I think if we could apply the same model of screening out stressful situations, bad memories to a typical day/week/year in your life then we could make our lives happier.
It's real.. I do know that. I know that I'm not imagining anything; I'm just wondering how much I'm "over-glamorizing" the events.
I think there are two things at work here, somewhat in conflict with each other.
On one hand, I think that the nostalgia is for things lost, including our own younger days. For everyone, I think that there is a selective reflection for things as they were, and may no longer be (especially those loved ones we may no longer have around).
On the other hand, I think there is a tendency to over glamorize what was in the past, due to selective recollections. As a result, the recollections may be at a bit in conflict with the comprehensive realities of past times.
Overall, I see it as a positive attribute, but not necessarily a fully accurate one.
A lot of posters keep bringing up these "rose colored glasses" when referring to nostalgia.
But lets say a wonderful event, or simply a great year traveling about with friends in present time happens (many posters keep reminding us to enjoy *today*).. So, this wonderful event/year happens and life is great and wonderful.
10-20 yrs down the road you look back on it with fondness and great memories. It wasn't real? It was a delusion??
I know that recalling a gal of gas for a quarter in the 70's wasn't delusional, nor bread for a quarter, nor all the mom and pop stores with the old chest coke machines for ten cents were real. I know recalling the pains and repercussions of my marriage during Vietnam were real, not delusional.
I think we know the difference between painful memories and happy memories... of times we enjoy going back to and reliving in our minds and those we'd rather forget.
In my view, nostalgia might be more accurately defined as selective memory. And I think it's a gift of sorts.
My kids are all grown and married, and my wife & I are on the verge of becoming grandparents. Over the years I changed a lot of diapers. I remember doing it, but I honestly cannot remember the awful stench that sometimes accompanied said action. I "kind of" remember how tired I often was, and how tight money usually was, but those are by no means painful memories.
I also believe that the past is skewed by how good or bad the present is. I've known many people who wistfully long for the good old days - girls, even, wishing to be in junior high again (of all things). But those are people whose present pretty much sucks. People who are busy, happy, and satisfied TODAY are not spending a lot of time wishing for yesterday.
As I get older, I find myself going back to "old days".. memories of better times and it got me to wondering.. Is nostalgia real or are we deluding ourselves? And if so, why? I have bad memories as well as good ones, things I'd like to totally forget, but I love remembering the good times. I'm wondering if I'm over-glamorizing them.
I recall fun days of dating/dancing to Bee Gee's/ Saturday Nite Fever, doing "the bump".. buying a week's worth of groceries for $25, gas for .25/gal, bread a quarter. And it seems far more valuable and fun to me now than it did back then.. Did I appreciate it as much then as I do now?
I recall my parents talking about walking 10 miles in snow and rain to get to school (rolling my eyes as a teenager) and them telling us how fortunate we were to have this bk and white TV watching Ed Sullivan and Elvis (while covering my eyes) and I'm wondering now if they ever had their own moments of nostalgia. ??
Moderator cut: Off Topic
I think this is complicated to think through or to try to explain if you do see something there...
The grandparents I am sure don't remember fondly about walking in the snow...BUT, they remember fondly other times, the good times. Acts are associated with feelings. Good things are associated with good feelings. It's called emotional memory. It's like going to the past and feeling the feelings from the past (NOT feeling it right now). It's like replaying the past emotional memory in your mind.
So for people who have never seen color tv, black and white was better than nothing and brought them feelings of amazement and excitment (BACK THEN). So now, when they think back to that time, that memory is associated with emotional memory. And so they are remembering how they felt THEN (not now) about watching black and white tv. So it makes them feel really good. They are re-refeeling their feeling of the past.
Sometimes, I think this is confused with the whole package. People relive these memories and refeel these good feelings associated with some good events and start to think that that's how they FELT most of the time back then. But to fix this problem, they would have to focus on bad memories, and will re-feel the bad feelings and then will say: the past was horrible.
But the past was good and bad. So nostalgic people (in the moment of feeling the good) forget about everything else and start to miss these feelings. But they forget that these feelings were only a little bit of their past.
But in some case, the old people are used to the way things were and they found happiness there and they never got used to the new ways. And so for these specific people, the past would seem much better and it WOULD BE so in reality. They simply liked better the way things were (even if things are better now).
My grandparents for example are missing the old days, the days when they had to count the money (sometimes short for the next month). But they were used to that way of life. It was better for them therefore. But for us it seems strange that they miss what we perceive as "bad times" because we were not used to those times, we are used to the new times. So sometimes what someone is used to is more valuable than better overall.
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