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I won't argue that technology makes us less "sociable" as you say, but that may or may not be a bad thing. If we're direct and to the point, it cuts out a lot of pleasantries which are otherwise superfluous and archaic in design.
I'd also argue against the claim that online relationships are shallow. My relationships with people I talk to face-to-face are shallow too, but the people I spend lots of time with tend to be my deepest, and that's out of choice. I can spend time with people online (and do) all the time, especially since it represents the chance to meet people you otherwise would never meet. Not to mention, you can find people by common interest, which means you'll enjoy each others company more than just random people you meet on the street.
What technology has done is allowed us to find those who share our interests much quicker and easier. Often the first part of a relationship if finding your both really dedicated to collecting stamps, or some other activity. This means you have something to talk about. I view 'small talk' as a way to fill in time. It is entirely superficial, but hit a common interest and you can really have a conversation.
For those who's interests are less usual the internet gives us a chance to find like minds without having to skim through all the ones who aren't. Two of my closest friends were met online. One writes and we met in the 90's on usenet. She is also fascinated by history. One I met while involved in a tv shows fandom, but the sort of people who like it share much more than just anyone. I'd have never met them otherwise.
I think we need to define 'friend' too. For the extrovert, the ones you go out to dinner with since you work together might feel like 'friends'. For the introvert, who picks very carefully, a 'friend' is a much more rare find, and with the internet you tend to look at where they are most likely to be found. Maybe more who lean towards the introverted are more likely to spend time online as well.
I agree with you a lot. I'm young enough for this loneliness issue to be problematic and I do find it when you show loneliness, it's a sign of weakness. it's better or worse when people can tell you are. But as much as I hate being lonely, there are some times where I really like keeping to myself and having alone time. I feel lonely when people can't understand me and aren't up for hanging out..it gets me discouraged.
I agree with you a lot. I'm young enough for this loneliness issue to be problematic and I do find it when you show loneliness, it's a sign of weakness. it's better or worse when people can tell you are. But as much as I hate being lonely, there are some times where I really like keeping to myself and having alone time. I feel lonely when people can't understand me and aren't up for hanging out..it gets me discouraged.
Well said. Loneliness is often not being understood or having someone who understands you. I spent a lot of time in my younger days trying desperately to be somebody other than who I was so I could be more acceptable. It doesn't really work.
I agree with you a lot. I'm young enough for this loneliness issue to be problematic and I do find it when you show loneliness, it's a sign of weakness. it's better or worse when people can tell you are. But as much as I hate being lonely, there are some times where I really like keeping to myself and having alone time. I feel lonely when people can't understand me and aren't up for hanging out..it gets me discouraged.
If you feel lonely, then your probably not a loner. A loner is fine alone. And its a sliding scale. Socieity is just starting to change where the loners among us are not looked upon automatically as 'negative'. Maybe they don't see 'lonlieness' but rejection of the norm.
To me, I like being a loner and simply don't care. That was a moment of freedom.
If there is something you really enjoy or like doing, the best way to get over the lonely feeling is to seek out those that share what you are interested in, not just random people, and if they don't welcome you it doesn't matter.
You guys forgot to mention about ambiverts. They probably have it the worst since they are a mix of an extrovert and an introvert, they will feel lonely regardless of whether they are around people or not.
I personally think that loneliness is increasingly a problematic issue that is plaguing society - people don't usually mention that they are lonely but fact is many if not all probably do.
Telling others that you're lonely is just not the social norm; by telling others that, its a signal of your weakness and a sense of desperation for emotional reach out from others. That's what my personal take is though.
So what are you guys' take on loneliness? And do you personally feel lonely? How so?
Often loneliness is a sign of self-centeredness. Instead of getting out and doing something for others, it's easy to sit alone wondering when someone is going to come by and save you.
To have a friend, one must be a friend. That means sacrificing time, caring what someone thinks and feels. It's easy to find friends -- you can look for them among the lonely. You can bring meals or small gifts to shut-ins. You can volunteer in a nursing home and try to brighten the lives of those who may not be lonely by choice as much. You can work with foster children.
When I think of friendships I've had over the course of my life, one common theme seems to apply to them all: We participated in living some sort of life together be it school life, neighborhood life, working life, a hobby interest, other leisure time activities, online posting in an active community, etc.
Whenever that participation ceased for whatever reason, the friendship slowly changed. In time the friendship dwindled to the friend talking about his/her life, my commenting on it, me talking about my life and him/her commenting on it and us both talking about memories of that particular life we used to share together. We communicated less and less. We no longer had much in common.
I may spend a lot of time by myself but I am rarely lonely because I have all these other people in my head to keep me company. One was telling a mystery story the other day. I should have remembered it but did not take the effort. Too bad, it was a good story.
Often loneliness is a sign of self-centeredness. Instead of getting out and doing something for others, it's easy to sit alone wondering when someone is going to come by and save you.
To have a friend, one must be a friend. That means sacrificing time, caring what someone thinks and feels. It's easy to find friends -- you can look for them among the lonely. You can bring meals or small gifts to shut-ins. You can volunteer in a nursing home and try to brighten the lives of those who may not be lonely by choice as much. You can work with foster children.
Bull. Do you do any of those things? Some people don't have the social skills or maybe they did do lots of things for others, only to get screwed over or used.
Bull. Do you do any of those things? Some people don't have the social skills or maybe they did do lots of things for others, only to get screwed over or used.
Yes. I can't see wallowing in self-pity -- waiting for someone to come along and care about me or do something for me. I'm never lonely - but I know the way to have friends is to care about other people. With work and family, I'm not really in need of a lot of volunteer activities -- but they're fun when there's time.
If you sit there waiting and feeling bad that no one cares what you feel or think, it's most likely because you don't care what others feel or think. One of the best ways to meet some great people is to volunteer with them on something. The Christmas season is an excellent time to find happy people volunteering, trying to help others -- no reason not to join in.
Or rather than waiting for someone to come and knock on your door -- what prevents you from getting out and knocking on other peoples' doors?
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By yourself
