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My husband and I have no children yet, but I'm a one-'n-done girl. One's enough for me. I quit telling people though because I get a lecture on how spoiled and self-centered onlies are. I usually respond with "thanks" because I was raised like an only (sister is 16 years older and never visited). Usually the people who comment are multiples though. Onlies, in my experience, rarely criticize people for having onlies.
That's your choice and I'm all for it. But it has been proven that kids with siblings have a lot more life experience to draw from (they are an everyday part of what their siblings do/know/learn/etc) and are generally socialized better. Siblings rely on each other and parents can rely on that. I'm thinking of the possible benefits of multiple kids, not the possible downfalls of onlies. This assumes good siblings obviously.
I have no kids and never will but I decided long ago that if I have any, I'll have two (same with cats and dogs as pets!). I'm an only, and my parents were distant and barely involved with me. I wonder how my life would be different without that constant isolation. I'm sure you'll say your and hubby will be very attentive parents, unlike mine, and that's an excellent attitude. But consider having two kids that bounce off of each other, rather than you all the time. I've been told that a second kid isn't double the work of one; maybe half again as much (expenses aside). But I have no personal experience on either end. Take all that for whatever you think it's worth.
That's your choice and I'm all for it. But it has been proven that kids with siblings have a lot more life experience to draw from (they are an everyday part of what their siblings do/know/learn/etc) and are generally socialized better. Siblings rely on each other and parents can rely on that. I'm thinking of the possible benefits of multiple kids, not the possible downfalls of onlies. This assumes good siblings obviously.
I have no kids and never will but I decided long ago that if I have any, I'll have two (same with cats and dogs as pets!). I'm an only, and my parents were distant and barely involved with me. I wonder how my life would be different without that constant isolation. I'm sure you'll say your and hubby will be very attentive parents, unlike mine, and that's an excellent attitude. But consider having two kids that bounce off of each other, rather than you all the time. I've been told that a second kid isn't double the work of one; maybe half again as much (expenses aside). But I have no personal experience on either end. Take all that for whatever you think it's worth.
I'm sorry your childhood wasn't what you wish it had been. I was raised an only and didn't feel what you described. I had a lot of friends at school, and I read a lot at home. I worked in the garden with my parents, I built things, I worked puzzles and drew. I wasn't lonely. My parents involved with extracurricular activities, and it was no problem. I didn't expect them to entertain me or play with me. My husband is one of four and was alone all the time. His aunts and uncles tell me how bad they felt for him. He closed his door because his siblings were always fighting, and they weren't interested in anything he was. He had few friends because he was homeschooled. It was very isolating.
Life is a total crap shoot. I was raised an only and never wanted siblings. My husband had three siblings, and he was totally alone. He many times wished his siblings didn't exist. He had more social issues than you could shake a stick at, and I'm a strong extrovert. Go figure. It's about parenting, socialization, and personalities. You can never assume that your children will be "good siblings."
As an extreme example, I have cousins (much older) with 15 kids in the family. A couple of them had 2 kids, but most had only 1. They talked about how horrible it was growing up with no money, no parental attention, and no advantages. They do all love each other because each other was all they had. Just another example of the crap shoot.
I don't mean any disrespect to you. You are entitled to hold whatever opinion based on your experiences. All of us (with good mental health) do what we feel is the right thing. Sometimes we're wrong. Sometimes we make mistakes. I have heard the opinion you shared many, many times, and it's wearying. Many factors go into a person's decision to have just one child: fertility, finances, opportunities for the child, education, family support, living situations, etc. It's wrong, IMO, to prescribe a one-size-fits-all, two-plus-or-none advice to all people. There's no way to know what they are basing their decision on.
Not saying that...just giving my experience on only children,which is what the thread is about.
But if people with siblings can be selfish, etc........why point fingers at only children? That's also what the thread is about. Maybe it's about people....whether siblings or not.
a lot of people assume that an only child is selfish and etc., The few that I know do tend to exhibit some selfishness ".
A lot of people? This statement just proved I'm not exaggerating.
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Originally Posted by taydigga
The few that I know do tend to exhibit some selfishness but not so much in a not sharing way but more so in a way in which they seem to not know how to empathize and think the way they think is the way things are.
There are many people with siblings that can be described this way. In fact, Madonna, who has 8 siblings has been described like that. My cousins bullies his younger sister is like that. I haved a beautician who has several siblings and she's like that. Do you also believe stereotypes/prejudices against other minorities?
Quote:
Originally Posted by taydigga
I can think of 4 only childs right now and 3 of them are cool people but tend to say really off things from time to time. I attributed it to being an only child and not having someone there to bounce your personality off of but I wouldn't label them and say that all only child people are like this and I don't think they get a lot of "hate".
Well, there is a lot of hate and stereotyping. And people with siblings say off the wall things. I can't believe some people really believe these negative/stupid stereotypes about groups of people. What century is this again?
That's your choice and I'm all for it. But it has been proven that kids with siblings have a lot more life experience to draw from (they are an everyday part of what their siblings do/know/learn/etc) and are generally socialized better. .
"Proven?" That's not true. Unless, you live under a rock. There are lots of people with siblings who don't have social skills and who are loners. For example, are you saying that an 8-year-old boy can really learn all the social skills needed from his 4-year-old baby sister?
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Originally Posted by vmaxnc
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I wonder how my life would be different without that constant isolation.
You could have several siblings and still be in isolation or feel hurt because of favoritism and neglect. Or you might complain about having no freedom and having to babysit all the time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vmaxnc
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But consider having two kids that bounce off of each other, rather than you all the time. .
I have cousins who "bounced" off each other. It was called extreme fighting and bullying. My cousin is an adult and he still bullies his younger sister to this day. She had to move out of her mother's home and called the police on him for trying to physically assault her.
I'm sorry your childhood wasn't what you wish it had been. I was raised an only and didn't feel what you described. I had a lot of friends at school, and I read a lot at home. I worked in the garden with my parents, I built things, I worked puzzles and drew. I wasn't lonely. My parents involved with extracurricular activities, and it was no problem. I didn't expect them to entertain me or play with me. My husband is one of four and was alone all the time. His aunts and uncles tell me how bad they felt for him. He closed his door because his siblings were always fighting, and they weren't interested in anything he was. He had few friends because he was homeschooled. It was very isolating.
Life is a total crap shoot. I was raised an only and never wanted siblings. My husband had three siblings, and he was totally alone. He many times wished his siblings didn't exist. He had more social issues than you could shake a stick at, and I'm a strong extrovert. Go figure. It's about parenting, socialization, and personalities. You can never assume that your children will be "good siblings."
Thank you, peppermint.
I'm also an only child who was never lonely. I loved my childhood. I love my life now, and I never wanted siblings.
I wouldn't say that there's a hatred, per se. But, as an only child, I've definitely gotten approached with some bizarre stereotypes that people are surprised that I don't fit.
People do tend to expect only children to be maladjusted, entitled, spoiled brats with no social skills. A lot of the encounters that I have had with people have been along the lines of, "wow, I can't believe you're an only child - you don't act like one!"!
I've been told that as well. The next time someone says that to me, I'm gonna say "Wow, I didn't know you were so prejudice and narrow minded." lol
OP. I've never seen this either. There may be some envy. My daughter always wished she were an only child when she was a teen with 4 younger brothers I have never seen what you are describing. Perhaps you have some examples?
There are actually plenty examples on this forum alone. Just put in any topic about an only child and watch all the usual negativity.
That's your choice and I'm all for it. But it has been proven that kids with siblings have a lot more life experience to draw from (they are an everyday part of what their siblings do/know/learn/etc) and are generally socialized better. Siblings rely on each other and parents can rely on that. I'm thinking of the possible benefits of multiple kids, not the possible downfalls of onlies. This assumes good siblings obviously.
I have no kids and never will but I decided long ago that if I have any, I'll have two (same with cats and dogs as pets!). I'm an only, and my parents were distant and barely involved with me. I wonder how my life would be different without that constant isolation. I'm sure you'll say your and hubby will be very attentive parents, unlike mine, and that's an excellent attitude. But consider having two kids that bounce off of each other, rather than you all the time. I've been told that a second kid isn't double the work of one; maybe half again as much (expenses aside). But I have no personal experience on either end. Take all that for whatever you think it's worth.
^^^^This! This is what I was talking about. When you're an only child, there's a lot of alone time and no neighbor, cousin or friend is going to be there 24/7 like a sibling would. You learn to deal with anger, to share, to see things from another POV a lot quicker and easier when you have siblings than as an only child. HOWEVER, you can't label them and assume they are all like this, some parents that have one child are really good about socializing and teaching their kids things so that they aren't the stereotype.
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