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I'm really shocked at the amount of hate/disrespect towards only children. Some claim that an only child is spoiled, selfish, lonely, weird etc. However, there are plenty of people with siblings who fit these traits as well. Why pick on only children?
Why in the world would someone "hate" an only child?
I'm an only child myself and I do cringe all the time when people ask me if I have any siblings.. like out of the blue. I don't know if I really give off that "spoiled brat" impression but I don't consider myself very spoiled, compared to most of the kids I know and some with siblings. I work for everything I have. It bothers me somewhat when someone randomly asks me that question because it might be the way I act that probably set them back. One of my supervisors at an old job all of a sudden asked me this when she wanted me to stay overtime this one time..it was really weird and she said I have the "only child" symptoms..won't ever forget that!
Now that it's being brought up, however, I've always never wanted a sibling as far as I can remember. My grandma teased me this one night when i was 5, about my mom going to have another child..I cried my eyes out that night..and not in a good way. I often do get a little envious when i see people with their siblings but in all honesty, I wouldn't trade my "only-child" status because my mom has always said that having one was enough (ouch!) but since I've always had some difficulties in life, my parents (especially my mom) always looked out for me and put so much effort into getting me on the right track. i can't say it would be the same if i had a sibling..
I'm an only child myself and I do cringe all the time when people ask me if I have any siblings.. like out of the blue. I don't know if I really give off that "spoiled brat" impression but I don't consider myself very spoiled, compared to most of the kids I know and some with siblings. I work for everything I have. It bothers me somewhat when someone randomly asks me that question because it might be the way I act that probably set them back. One of my supervisors at an old job all of a sudden asked me this when she wanted me to stay overtime this one time..it was really weird and she said I have the "only child" symptoms..won't ever forget that!
Now that it's being brought up, however, I've always never wanted a sibling as far as I can remember. My grandma teased me this one night when i was 5, about my mom going to have another child..I cried my eyes out that night..and not in a good way. I often do get a little envious when i see people with their siblings but in all honesty, I wouldn't trade my "only-child" status because my mom has always said that having one was enough (ouch!) but since I've always had some difficulties in life, my parents (especially my mom) always looked out for me and put so much effort into getting me on the right track. i can't say it would be the same if i had a sibling..
Not necessarily. Vice versa. "The right track" doesn't mean just having an only. You can have 4 kids and send them to school and that would be the right track. They wouldn't know life as onlies.
But like I said before, it's not like we've ever been in each others places. Remember that one blog quote?
I do think the supervisor was stereotyping too... However, I don't see a difference between kids with or without siblings. The OP is exaggerating IMO.
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Wow... I never realized that being an only child was this controversial. I didn't mind it. What I minded was turning into the only girl and middle child, eventually gaining 2 older step-brothers and 2 younger step-brothers at the age of 16. Now that was real fun....
Wow... I never realized that being an only child was this controversial. I didn't mind it. What I minded was turning into the only girl and middle child, eventually gaining 2 older step-brothers and 2 younger step-brothers at the age of 16. Now that was real fun....
I've heard completely the reverse things from a person to another. For example I've had teachers, hairdressers, classmates and neighbors whose parents came from families with siblings but then only chose to have 1 child; their cousins are also all this way. Not really surprising that they don't have more kids in the family after that. The goal's already been completed, what else are they gonna do? One of the teachers told me: "I did like it when I was younger, because I got a lot of time with my parents. But when you become older, it's not the same. You're the only one who can take care of them. Also your parents rely on you to do everything for them. At least your sister can help you do things. ... [on NP] They're celebrities. I don't take that stuff seriously." But 2 of her cousins were son-daughter as well. They kept each other up to date on music, school, clothes, etc.
"Also, there has always existed an advantage in terms of time. Even though you have 1 kid, you can pick up and take them everywhere." Her uncles and cousins traveled everywhere because of this. "With 2 or more, you just keep raising them. Things like ages and inflation become more of a problem." What one of the other women commentators mentioned as well, "She does have a point even though N is rather pretentious about it. There's things you can do with 1 rather than 2+. You don't pay for edu as efficiently. Saves time. I had 2 but I'm glad her mom could devote all that time to her." That's obvious. You can't drive 2+ kids everywhere the way you can with 1.
My dad said, "Yeah, but you could do the same things with 0."
My best friend in elementary school was an only and then she moved away so we were forced to grow apart. She complained that her parents pressured her too much to do well in school, watched her like a hawk and she had no one her age to talk to. Plus, she often felt "too lonely" even with cousins and neighbors. Another girl we knew happened to be an only and she felt it gave her much more alone time and time to study, she never once felt that she was lonely, and she liked that she was more mature than most of us since she lived with adults. She remarked that she never saw the point of raising even 1 kid and that her parents shouldn't have had her. It still wasn't enough for them, caused fights constantly, and she plans to never marry or have any of her own. BTW, the statement on only children vs siblings being better loners hasn't been proven but I read that some onlies were able to feel more comfortable being alone since they never had another kid (or more) in the house when they were younger.
I often told my sister that our parents should have gotten rid of her, but she laughed it off. "That's cruel and unnatural. Wouldn't happen anyway since I'm the first one." She even wanted our parents to have more kids. My friends with just 1 sibling never minded, except for that other girl I mentioned earlier with the younger brother. She even noted, "Why not? You have more people your age to talk to and play with."
Also, our dad was telling me more recently that one of my maternal aunts also is mother of an only. We haven't been in contact for many years, and they ended up with a daughter of their own. Granted these people aren't "children" anymore but my cousin happens to be the only person she knows who doesn't have at least 1 sibling. I also informed my mom that she probably wouldn't have more children because that's how she grew up. She said, "What? Yeah, but don't you think her husband wants more children?" I wondered that about the other onlies as well.
My dad and sister always point out, "I wouldn't even have 1 child, so screw that." Most of me and my friends aunts/uncles/cousins don't. Whenever my dad hears about cases like this he just shakes his head. He has muttered: "Nah, you don't have to have even 1 kid."
I like how the OP stopped responding. He seems to be contradicting himself left and right. The fact that he made the subject then posted only to come to a halt says something. This topic gives me a headache ATM so I won't be writing anymore.
Last edited by Cora Janette; 04-14-2013 at 09:42 PM..
I've heard completely the reverse things from a person to another. For example I've had teachers, hairdressers, classmates and neighbors whose parents came from families with siblings but then only chose to have 1 child; their cousins are also all this way. Not really surprising that they don't have more kids in the family after that. The goal's already been completed, what else are they gonna do? One of the teachers told me: "I did like it when I was younger, because I got a lot of time with my parents. But when you become older, it's not the same. You're the only one who can take care of them. Also your parents rely on you to do everything for them. At least your sister can help you do things. ... [on NP] They're celebrities. I don't take that stuff seriously." But 2 of her cousins were son-daughter as well. They kept each other up to date on music, school, clothes, etc.
"Also, there has always existed an advantage in terms of time. Even though you have 1 kid, you can pick up and take them everywhere." Her uncles and cousins traveled everywhere because of this. "With 2 or more, you just keep raising them. Things like ages and inflation become more of a problem." What one of the other women commentators mentioned as well, "She does have a point even though N is rather pretentious about it. There's things you can do with 1 rather than 2+. You don't pay for edu as efficiently. Saves time. I had 2 but I'm glad her mom could devote all that time to her." That's obvious. You can't drive 2+ kids everywhere the way you can with 1.
My dad said, "Yeah, but you could do the same things with 0."
My best friend in elementary school was an only and then she moved away so we were forced to grow apart. She complained that her parents pressured her too much to do well in school, watched her like a hawk and she had no one her age to talk to. Plus, she often felt "too lonely" even with cousins and neighbors. Another girl we knew happened to be an only and she felt it gave her much more alone time and time to study, she never once felt that she was lonely, and she liked that she was more mature than most of us since she lived with adults. She remarked that she never saw the point of raising even 1 kid and that her parents shouldn't have had her. It still wasn't enough for them, caused fights constantly, and she plans to never marry or have any of her own. BTW, the statement on only children vs siblings being better loners hasn't been proven but I read that some onlies were able to feel more comfortable being alone since they never had another kid (or more) in the house when they were younger.
I often told my sister that our parents should have gotten rid of her, but she laughed it off. "That's cruel and unnatural. Wouldn't happen anyway since I'm the first one." She even wanted our parents to have more kids. My friends with just 1 sibling never minded, except for that other girl I mentioned earlier with the younger brother. She even noted, "Why not? You have more people your age to talk to and play with."
Also, our dad was telling me more recently that one of my maternal aunts also is mother of an only. We haven't been in contact for many years, and they ended up with a daughter of their own. Granted these people aren't "children" anymore but my cousin happens to be the only person she knows who doesn't have at least 1 sibling. I also informed my mom that she probably wouldn't have more children because that's how she grew up. She said, "What? Yeah, but don't you think her husband wants more children?" I wondered that about the other onlies as well.
My dad and sister always point out, "I wouldn't even have 1 child, so screw that." Most of me and my friends aunts/uncles/cousins don't. Whenever my dad hears about cases like this he just shakes his head. He has muttered: "Nah, you don't have to have even 1 kid."
I like how the OP stopped responding. He seems to be contradicting himself left and right. The fact that he made the subject then posted only to come to a halt says something. This topic gives me a headache ATM so I won't be writing anymore.
I am an only child (by choice) born in 1948. When I got married, my Mom said to me in 1974, "Your right to NOT have children, trumps any right I have to grandchildren". My Mom was WAY ahead of her times.
When my daughter married 4 years ago, I said the same to her. She didn't even bat an eye when I said that. In today's world, it's a given.
Incidentally, I went to work at the age of 17 in the NYC corporate world. The majority of the older people I worked with were surpised at how young I was. "You don't seem that young at all". Well, growing up surrounded by only adults, you learn their world very young.
My aunt swears her son was treated poorly because he was an only child but he was reared in the 60's and 70's and that was a different, less accepting time. I remember kids saying only children were lonely and spoiled which isn't hateful but it is stereotyping a group of people.
Go over to the parenting forum....some over there have some pretty wierd ideas about only children.
There used to be much more stigma attached to being an only....but for the most part it's not as a big deal.
I am an only, with an only child...and I even had a grandfather that was an only (very rare for the time).
My grandfather told a story that he was once passed over for a promotion (in the early 1950s) because the manager thought only children were prone to psychological issues.
My mother was asked more than a few times why she didn't want a 'real family'. I remember comments being made while growing up...and very few other only children.
By the time my daughter was born there were many more only children...it wasn't an oddity any longer. A few people asked why we didn't have more...and a few launched into dire warnings of future problems. I could easily shut them up when i told them i was an only as well. About the only 'bad' comment I think my daughter ever got was another parent, who upon finding out she was an only child proclaimed, "But you're so normal!".
I think some areas are worse on only children than others....but overall it's much better than it used to be.
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