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I answered your question regarding what I would do *after* I feel someone has been rude to me.
My answer was then, and remains, that I will not give it more than a moment's thought. There's no point in letting people like that get to me. I work hard for my own inner peace and won't let the actions of a stranger interfere with it.
That's wonderful. People can be as rude to you as they like.
And you give nobody a second thought.
I guess we are all different.
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I also believe that people, in general, are not out to be rude or to give strangers a hard time. People have their own mishigas to deal with, and sometimes they won't notice the person right behind them coming through the door, or someone struggling with their packages. I try not to judge or get down on people (or society) because of an isolated action. First, because I don't know what precipitated the action, and second, because I'm not going to change it. I see it as an exercise in futility and frustration.
If you don't see someone struggling through the door, you don't see someone struggling through the door. So what? That's irrelevant to the conversation.
People can't respond to a situation they entirely unaware of. That's not what the thread is about.
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That has nothing to do with with I have said though does it?
What are you trying to say that I haven't got so far?
You don't give people a second thought. Don't worry, I do get it, you have made yourself clear.
Well other examples would be as I said, giving up your seat.
And actually I don't even mean physically having to stand up to let someone else sit down. I mean just moving your hat or bag out of the way to vacate the seat next to you on a train so that someone standing can sit down.
Actually while on the subject it's nice to see that that there is an etiquette on the NY subway that doesn't seem to exist so much on regular trains. People do actually regularly offer their seats on the subway. I think maybe because there are lots of posters around encouraging people to do just that. I think maybe people need regular reminders and a bit of educating to keep them mindful about being kind to others.
Another example would be holding the door open for someone. I do this regularly, especially if I see them struggling with bags or are elderly or unfirm. Some of the time people say 'thank you' but sometimes they don't.
Or helping a mother with a stroller down the stairs instead of letting them struggle.
That sort of thing.
Thank you. Filling out the picture helps. You mentioned the NYC subway--do you live in NY? I wonder if that's part of the problem. I don't see an increase of rudeness where I live or where I regularly visit. I hold doors open, offer my seat if I see someone who may need it, etc. Most of the local people where I live hold doors open for others. They do expect a thank you, I noticed one day when I only gave a smile rather than a verbal "thank you", and got snapped at.
I couldn't say for sure if manners are a generational thing; I haven't noticed if millennials are less polite. I guess the ones I know are polite. Except for sending thank-you notes, haha.
My partner and I just did this exact thing last night.
The store was busy, and he was taking his jolly old time getting bread. I took the opportunity to slip into the checkout line (which was right opposite the bread). I was standing there, obviously with nothing in my hands and talking to my partner who was about 15 feet away. When he finished getting the bread, someone had come in behind me. Nothing we did inconvenienced this guy in any way. Assuming he had two brain cells to rub together, he could assume from the fact that I had nothing in my hands and I was speaking to a guy with a cart a couple of feet away, that said cart of groceries was going to be in line in front of him. If he had an issue with it, he certainly could have chosen another line.
*shrug* I respect that you wouldn't do it, but I'm failing to see where the rudeness comes into play with it.
Every one lines up in the order they've finished their shopping. Its a cultural agreement - its queuing. If you don't believe in that cultural rule - then why not just push to the font of line regardless. Don't worry about holding a spot even. Who cares if they all finished shopping before you? Your time is more important than theirs.
How about if your husband joins the line as soon as you enter the store and holds a spot! - that's an idea for you to explore.
Actually while on the subject it's nice to see that that there is an etiquette on the NY subway that doesn't seem to exist so much on regular trains. People do actually regularly offer their seats on the subway. I think maybe because there are lots of posters around encouraging people to do just that. I think maybe people need regular reminders and a bit of educating to keep them mindful about being kind to others.
This is not a new thing in NY.
I always chuckle when people talk about NYers (as a whole) being rude. In my experience (as a group) they are some of the most likely people to be kind, generous and helpful to others.
Thank you. Filling out the picture helps. You mentioned the NYC subway--do you live in NY? I wonder if that's part of the problem. I don't see an increase of rudeness where I live or where I regularly visit. I hold doors open, offer my seat if I see someone who may need it, etc. Most of the local people where I live hold doors open for others. They do expect a thank you, I noticed one day when I only gave a smile rather than a verbal "thank you", and got snapped at.
I couldn't say for sure if manners are a generational thing; I haven't noticed if millennials are less polite. I guess the ones I know are polite. Except for sending thank-you notes, haha.
Yes I currently live out in the NY suburbs, not in the city itself. New Yorkers are not exactly known for their politeness! But I lived in California up until recently and have travelled around a bit.
I guess I'm trying to get to the bottom of whether other people are experiencing the same thing on a national (or by western values) basis?
As is clear on this thread, one persons idea of what constitutes good manners may be entirely different than someone else's. Some of it many be cultural. Some of it may be generational.
Every one lines up in the order they've finished their shopping. Its a cultural agreement - its queuing. If you don't believe in that cultural rule - then why not just push to the font of line regardless. Don't worry about holding a spot even. Who cares if they all finished shopping before you? Your time is more important than theirs.
And God forbid someone has to run back to get something. I think next time someone asks me to hold their spot while they run to get something, I'll tell them, no, they haven't finished their shopping, so they need to get to the back of the line when they get back.
And, I guess the old trick of having the person that you're shopping with stand in a different line to see which one moves faster is out of the question too?
Dang, all of these benefits of shopping with someone, right down the drain.
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Originally Posted by bg7
How about if your husband joins the line as soon as you enter the store and holds a spot! - that's an idea for you to explore.
And God forbid someone has to run back to get something. I think next time someone asks me to hold their spot while they run to get something, I'll tell them, no, they haven't finished their shopping, so they need to get to the back of the line when they get back.
And, I guess the old trick of having the person that you're shopping with stand in a different line to see which one moves faster is out of the question too?
Dang, all of these benefits of shopping with someone, right down the drain.
My partner and I just did this exact thing last night.
The store was busy, and he was taking his jolly old time getting bread. I took the opportunity to slip into the checkout line (which was right opposite the bread). I was standing there, obviously with nothing in my hands and talking to my partner who was about 15 feet away. When he finished getting the bread, someone had come in behind me. Nothing we did inconvenienced this guy in any way. Assuming he had two brain cells to rub together, he could assume from the fact that I had nothing in my hands and I was speaking to a guy with a cart a couple of feet away, that said cart of groceries was going to be in line in front of him. If he had an issue with it, he certainly could have chosen another line.
*shrug* I respect that you wouldn't do it, but I'm failing to see where the rudeness comes into play with it.
I think most people that would feel you should have waited until you finished your shopping before getting in line, as you have read. For those few that feel there was some valid reason you got in line before you finished, I think you would be hard pressed to find one that would not have let the the guy who joined the line to go ahead of you. I mean really, come on. Maybe it is the cultural norm in your area but nobody around here, past the age of 4, does line saves.
ETA. if the cart was in line and one of you ran to get a forgotten item, that is completely different.
That's wonderful. People can be as rude to you as they like.
And you give nobody a second thought.
I guess we are all different.
What does getting in a huff about someone being rude to you actually accomplish?
Are you going to change how they do things? Convince them how wrong they are? Is it going to make you feel better because you hold anger toward a stranger who you feel has done you wrong? Seriously, I'm wondering where the benefit to you is of not just moving on with your life.
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You mentioned the NYC subway--do you live in NY? I wonder if that's part of the problem. I don't see an increase of rudeness where I live or where I regularly visit. I hold doors open, offer my seat if I see someone who may need it, etc. Most of the local people where I live hold doors open for others. They do expect a thank you, I noticed one day when I only gave a smile rather than a verbal "thank you", and got snapped at. 
